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kita
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#1
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Hi...im havin a really bad time at home, have been for a long while now, i feel down and alone al the time, i need to get out of the house, but i will lose all my family if i do that. Im constantly doing stuff wrong so it feels and i cant talk to my parents. Im going university in september, and id always planned on going away for it. Now they are strongly against me going away and want me to stay at home. It seems Im just trapped, its so easy for people to say talk to them, but i cant so...other alternatives would be appreciated? Thanks for listening.
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kita
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anyone?
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rednirt
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(Original post by kita)
Hi...im havin a really bad time at home, have been for a long while now, i feel down and alone al the time, i need to get out of the house, but i will lose all my family if i do that. Im constantly doing stuff wrong so it feels and i cant talk to my parents. Im going university in september, and id always planned on going away for it. Now they are strongly against me going away and want me to stay at home. It seems Im just trapped, its so easy for people to say talk to them, but i cant so...other alternatives would be appreciated? Thanks for listening.
I think we all go thru something like this some of the time. I never really talk to my parents and I know how annoying it is when people say "talk to them, they'll understand", my boyf does it all the time and it really winds me up, but you will feel better for it.

as for moving away I say go for it! You will experience uni life as it meant to be, and I think it'll make the relationship with your family stronger. By not being under each others feet all the time you'll all learn to appreciate each other more. That has definately happened in my case.

chin up chuck xx
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MadNatSci
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(Original post by kita)
Hi...im havin a really bad time at home, have been for a long while now, i feel down and alone al the time, i need to get out of the house, but i will lose all my family if i do that. Im constantly doing stuff wrong so it feels and i cant talk to my parents. Im going university in september, and id always planned on going away for it. Now they are strongly against me going away and want me to stay at home. It seems Im just trapped, its so easy for people to say talk to them, but i cant so...other alternatives would be appreciated? Thanks for listening.

I think you need to talk to your parents - I know it's easy for me to say but it really is the only way - and explain to them something of what you feel, and also point out that your moving out will probably do you both good. I agree entirely with what rednirt said - moving away will make your relationship stronger. I hardly ever talked to my parents when I was at home, at least not properly, but now I'm at university I speak to them a lot more, and properly. I'm only 20 miles away from home, but it still makes a difference - presumably if your parents want you to stay at home you must also be going to a campus that's nearby. So that might reassure them a bit.

You really do need to talk to them I think. Why do you feel you can't speak to your parents?
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maljosh
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absolutely agree with rednirt... talk to them first, if it doesn't work out, go away.. and after-uni talk to them again. When you talk, be 100% honest, just say whatever you feel...even if you mean bad things just don't push it very very far,

Good luck... talk to your close friends, they might help... friends always helped me in everything...
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PQ
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If you're having trouble speaking to them calmly print off what you've written here and ask them to read it (or write an edited version which includes everything you are worried/depressed about). Having it written down is likely to catch their attention more and they'll be more likely to take what you're saying seriously instead of dismissing it as hormones/puberty....plus it means that you are able to explain what's happening inside your head to them calmly without letting yourself get carried away into a rant/arguement.

Explain how important they are to you and how the friction is making you sad...and how important you feel moving away to uni will be.

One of the true signs of maturity is being able to sit down with your parents (who will *always* make you feel like a kid inside) and discuss emotional things with them like an adult...if you can manage this it will be a huge benefit in your future life and make your bond with your parents stronger than ever.
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kita
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Thankyou everyone,
the reason i cant talk 2 them is cos i feel they judge me on everything i say to them. Things have just got really bad now, and it came to the point where i started going out of school during my frees so i cud lead sum kind of normal social life, mostly with my boyfriend, because they never used to be happy about me going out - should be doing homework ad revision etc. But i got found out on tuesday and my dad was waiting outside the school had had a right go at me in the street, proper shouting - they went through all my stuff in my room - everything, and i mean everything, gone through all my txt messages and theyve been to my work to see if i turn up and what time i usually finish etc. I hate them for this, Im 18 in March and they treating me like a kid.
Ive had stuff writeen down about how i feel and they have just taken no notice of me, all they have sed is that im messed up, and they sed that really nastily. Thing is, i really resent the pair of them, my mum is my step mum, but has brought me up since i was 6. I am treated differntly from the others, regardless of what she says, and i hate what they have done. They had no right to do the stuff they have - my dad has also apparantly been following me for the last 2 weeks WITH A CAMERA to proove ive been goin outta school. Thing is, they havnt stopped to ask themselves WHY i cudnt talk to them and WHY i went out of school - because they are so restrictive towards me. Ive now ended up being grounded for a month! I can understand what i did was wrong, but they dont understand why i felt i had to do it.

i feel so much hate for them at times, its hard to be open with them about stuff.
Thanks for listening, makes my head alot clearer writing all this down here

kita xx
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kita
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#8
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someone please give me advice!
kita xx
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maljosh
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it's ok when your parents are following you everywhere you go... they're trying to be "good parents". I think you'll be fine... it's only the matter of time...
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MadNatSci
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#10
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(Original post by kita)
Thankyou everyone,
the reason i cant talk 2 them is cos i feel they judge me on everything i say to them. Things have just got really bad now, and it came to the point where i started going out of school during my frees so i cud lead sum kind of normal social life, mostly with my boyfriend, because they never used to be happy about me going out - should be doing homework ad revision etc. But i got found out on tuesday and my dad was waiting outside the school had had a right go at me in the street, proper shouting - they went through all my stuff in my room - everything, and i mean everything, gone through all my txt messages and theyve been to my work to see if i turn up and what time i usually finish etc. I hate them for this, Im 18 in March and they treating me like a kid.
Ive had stuff writeen down about how i feel and they have just taken no notice of me, all they have sed is that im messed up, and they sed that really nastily. Thing is, i really resent the pair of them, my mum is my step mum, but has brought me up since i was 6. I am treated differntly from the others, regardless of what she says, and i hate what they have done. They had no right to do the stuff they have - my dad has also apparantly been following me for the last 2 weeks WITH A CAMERA to proove ive been goin outta school. Thing is, they havnt stopped to ask themselves WHY i cudnt talk to them and WHY i went out of school - because they are so restrictive towards me. Ive now ended up being grounded for a month! I can understand what i did was wrong, but they dont understand why i felt i had to do it.

i feel so much hate for them at times, its hard to be open with them about stuff.
Thanks for listening, makes my head alot clearer writing all this down here

kita xx
Hmm, did you speak to them before about the going out thing? Because part of your problem may be that they feel you went behind their backs.. It probably doesn't help, though there's no use crying over spilt milk!

One thing is that you're not alone. A lot of people feel that they can't talk to their parents, that their parents don't understand them and that they're being judged. But this is a very important issue and I really do feel that you should sit down with them and explain how you feel. Try and be calm and diplomatic, and don't accuse them of following you or treating you like you're second-best: the softly-softly approach is usually the best to take! Just explain to them how you feel about going away to university. Point out that you will need to leave home after you've graduated and that it would perhaps be best to start the process gently - after all, university holidays are usually very long and so you'll still be able to spend quite a lot of time with them. And from the sound of it they'll be within reach of you if you have problems.
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GH
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#11
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(Original post by kita)
Thankyou everyone,
the reason i cant talk 2 them is cos i feel they judge me on everything i say to them. Things have just got really bad now, and it came to the point where i started going out of school during my frees so i cud lead sum kind of normal social life, mostly with my boyfriend, because they never used to be happy about me going out - should be doing homework ad revision etc. But i got found out on tuesday and my dad was waiting outside the school had had a right go at me in the street, proper shouting - they went through all my stuff in my room - everything, and i mean everything, gone through all my txt messages and theyve been to my work to see if i turn up and what time i usually finish etc. I hate them for this, Im 18 in March and they treating me like a kid.
Ive had stuff writeen down about how i feel and they have just taken no notice of me, all they have sed is that im messed up, and they sed that really nastily. Thing is, i really resent the pair of them, my mum is my step mum, but has brought me up since i was 6. I am treated differntly from the others, regardless of what she says, and i hate what they have done. They had no right to do the stuff they have - my dad has also apparantly been following me for the last 2 weeks WITH A CAMERA to proove ive been goin outta school. Thing is, they havnt stopped to ask themselves WHY i cudnt talk to them and WHY i went out of school - because they are so restrictive towards me. Ive now ended up being grounded for a month! I can understand what i did was wrong, but they dont understand why i felt i had to do it.

i feel so much hate for them at times, its hard to be open with them about stuff.
Thanks for listening, makes my head alot clearer writing all this down here

kita xx
Think of University, and then think of freedom. Then think of about 1 more year of hard slog, and you are there.
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