Help Me?! [no confidence with girls]

Right, here goes, I've been a single and looking guy since March. I'm finding being single, and the single life sucks! I'm not into one-night stands or anything like that.

I'm interested in finding a girl who I can have a meaningful relationship with, problem is not only am I a total newbie to the "dating" thing, I have a significant lack of self-confidence. There are reasons for this, I am a big guy (ie. quite overweight) so I have it in my head, that as soon as a girl lays her eyes on me, she will think "Eugh!" (I can sympathise with this, because overweight aint pretty!)

Also, I'm quite self-conscious around people, in that I'm not sure what impression I give, and how the best sides of me come across. I spoke to a girl at the Students' Union the other night, and she said that I should stay true to myself because she said it's obvious that I'm a nice guy!

Anyway, to get to the point, once in conversation with a new person, I can usually hold it pretty well. But I do not have the self-confidence to approach girls who I like. I'm not sure whether this is just a case of going to the gym, having some long-term weight loss, which will increase my self-esteem, and this will help me or what. I also don't know really how to get across that I like someone in a "I fancy you" way?

Reply 1

RobbieC

15

I think its wrong that we who are overweight are made to feel so bad about ourselves because of our size, which often, is more a case of society beating slightly large people into an obese future by making them feel so ****ing bad about themselves.

What is even poorer is the very notion that large people would find it harder to get into a relationship with other people due to their size.

I would give you the advice I give myself, don't take your size as being a disability and lose weight if it would DIRECTLY make you happier. Just be yourself, and only yourself. If people can't love you for that, then they are probably.. nay certainly not worth your time.

Best of luck.R

Reply 2

sparkle86

11

tell me about it. single life totally sucks!

i cant seem to get anyone at all. ive never had a proper bf so its even worse for me. i cant approach guys at all but i need to as i lost out last night to a guy who smiled at me. he left so i lost out.

anyway, just go to a slimming class or something. apparantly simming world is good. good luck.

karen x

Reply 3

Max Power

i'm going to be dead honest with u.

u are lucky that u are just fat. being fat is a condition which u can do something about. if u don't like urself (and face it, u don't - the weight does play on ur mind and that negativity transmits itself to other people), then u are in a position to change that. go to the gym and turn the fat into some muscle. u'll feel much healthier and more confident.

there are some people who are in a postion where they will be lonely all of their lives due to disabilities which they can never reverse.

stop whining and waiting for things to change. go out there and change them urself.

Reply 4

Fruit-cake

9

i agree with the guy above. i used to be a bit larger than i am now, but slimmed down. i feel much more confident and happier for it, and i think in the end its worth the hassle as it can improve all areas of your life in so many ways. if you can feel confident without loosing the weight then fair enough but this doesnt sound like the case here.

Reply 5

Road Racer

If losing weight will make you happy then do it. Try reading magazines like Mens Health, used to be into all of that stuff when I had the time. Getting rid of body fat is not just about going to the gym (although it helps). You would probably have to run for an hour to burn off one chocolate bars worth of energy. Most important thing is to make sure you have a good diet... and not just because of the losing weight but because you'll generally be much healthier :yy:

how old r u?

OP

Latino

how old r u?

18, why?

Thanks for all the responses so far :biggrin:

Reply 8

saywhatnow

6

If you want to lose weight and you think it will make you happier and more confident, then do it. Go to the gym...hey, girls go to the gym, so you never know, you might meet them. Personally I think it's really flattering if a guy comes up to me and starts talking, I think her's got guts because it takes a lot to be able to randomly do that. If you want to talk to girls, then do, they aren't that scary!

Reply 9

Atomic Dave

OP

8

saywhatnow

If you want to lose weight and you think it will make you happier and more confident, then do it. Go to the gym...hey, girls go to the gym, so you never know, you might meet them. Personally I think it's really flattering if a guy comes up to me and starts talking, I think her's got guts because it takes a lot to be able to randomly do that. If you want to talk to girls, then do, they aren't that scary!

That's cool, I try and pluck up the courage but just can't, I'm sure most girls aren't that scary, but it seems like climbing a mountain!

Reply 10

saywhatnow

6

Ever do that thing where you think about doing something so much that you end up doing it and whilst you're about to do it you think to yoursle f"oh my God...I'm actually going to do it....", do that. I seem to do it all the time so I get a lot of stuff out the way.

Reply 11

sparkle86

11

i know exactly what u mean hunni.

i like what max power said. harsh but really gives u like a kick up the ar*e and makes u think.

karen x

Reply 12

Spig

hey,you honestly sound like a really guy!i know this sounds shallow but i think it sounds like losing a bit of weight will give you a whole lot of confidence as you sound a bit down about it.At least you've got a nice personality...which is more than can be said about nice girlsAnyway, i think most guys worry a bit a bit about talking to girls.

Reply 13

IjustlovetheIB

It sounds like if you lose some weight, you will have more confidence in yourself and you'll find approaching girls and meeting new people easier. :biggrin:

Good luck and yes, single life sucks!

Reply 14

Atomic Dave

OP

8

Thank you VERY much everyone :biggrin:

Hoping that losing the weight will make me feel a million times better! :biggrin:

Reply 15

Zurich

9

Atomic Dave

Right, here goes, I've been a single and looking guy since March. I'm finding being single, and the single life sucks! I'm not into one-night stands or anything like that.

I'm interested in finding a girl who I can have a meaningful relationship with, problem is not only am I a total newbie to the "dating" thing, I have a significant lack of self-confidence. There are reasons for this, I am a big guy (ie. quite overweight) so I have it in my head, that as soon as a girl lays her eyes on me, she will think "Eugh!" (I can sympathise with this, because overweight aint pretty!)

Also, I'm quite self-conscious around people, in that I'm not sure what impression I give, and how the best sides of me come across. I spoke to a girl at the Students' Union the other night, and she said that I should stay true to myself because she said it's obvious that I'm a nice guy!

Anyway, to get to the point, once in conversation with a new person, I can usually hold it pretty well. But I do not have the self-confidence to approach girls who I like. I'm not sure whether this is just a case of going to the gym, having some long-term weight loss, which will increase my self-esteem, and this will help me or what. I also don't know really how to get across that I like someone in a "I fancy you" way?

I wouldn't worry about the weight. I know plenty of big guys that aren't short of confidence and don't struggle with women.

If you don't have much confidence, that's because nothing has happened to give you it. All you can do is be yourself, keep meeting new people and just be straight with them. If you like a girl, tell her. And once you become comfortable with talking to new people, you'll become more confident. Then things will happen and you'll be even more confident after that.

Reply 16

Atomic Dave

OP

8

Great advice people, once again, Thanks! It's much appreciated!

Reply 17

username21537

2

Im in a simalar boat. Im not a great looker and i dont like ebign single :frown:

I cant get talkign to girls at all. I dont really go to many parties and I dont know what to say when I do meet someone, thus I always f*ck up :frown:

I can empathise :smile:

Itll happen in the end though =)

Reply 18

DewyButtercup

You also need to take in account that the first person that you need to love is yourself (corney, I know) and if you aren't happy and comfortable with yourself- no one else will be able to give that to you. I personally think that you need to become happier with yourself (whether that means losing some weight or changing your outlook on life, etc.) and when that happens you might find that you don't need the companionship that you think you do. Besides, when you are more comfortable with yourself, others will be able to tell and will be much more open towards you and you will feel more comfortable being open towards others.

I hope that helps!!!

Reply 19

Spig

hey,you honestly sound like a really nice guy!i know this sounds shallow but i think it sounds like losing a bit of weight will give you a whole lot of confidence as you sound a bit down about it.At least you've got a nice personality...which is more than can be said about most blokes.Anyway, i think most guys worry a bit a bit about talking to girls.

that was what i meant to say.my post made zilch sense before.

Help Me?! [no confidence with girls]

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