Confusing X!!

Ok its been nearly 3 weeks since the break up. She broke up with me as her cultural background got in the way. Basically she cant be with me as she wants to please her family by marrying their choice of person and not lieing to them about being with me.

Anyway we had a relationship upto 9 months. In which allot of time she would have problems with family issues. Cut a long story short. Her mum died 4 years ago. Shes 19 now but still suffers from the loss.
Hence why her family means everything to her.

Anyway the last 1 week out of the 3 weeks I have been able to get my sleep back and have a laugh with friends.
Sunday night (25th) she was online and on msn she had her name set to missing my mum. So I messaged her but she didnt really talk. So I ended up getting her to speak to me on the phone.
I tried being a friend and supporting her by telling her situation that effected me and my life.
She didnt reply back but just listened and then after I finished said she was going to sleep as she took some sleeping pills.

Monday morning I thought I call her up while on the way to the bus stop and see how shes doing. Yet she failed to answer my call and only spoke to me on msn.

Tuesday night she starts flirting with me and messing about on MSN. I flirted back and mentioned my holiday 'where she spent £200 calling me from her cell phone, cause she missed me' (on a joking level).
Anyway we flirted online and jokes for around 45mins and then she said she was going. I was totaly fyne with the joking but then before she went she told me to call her in 5mins.

So I called her up and we was joking about and then she started to remember one of the times we made out. She basically told the whole situation on the phone. At first she said I aint going to say things as it will complicate the matter. I told her im fine with it so relax.
So she continued and ended it after 30mins.
Before she got off the phone she said just remember this was a one off.

Wednesday evening comes, shes flirting with me again. Not as much. I decide to give her a call again. BIG MISTAKE.
I was joking about and stuff when she says to me 'are you over me', I laughed and said do you really think im over you. This made me go into a mode where I expressed myself fully on how I felt it also made me bring up previous questions that she answered regarding the break up.

Although she went through some of the answers again I was acting like she was lieing hence the repeat in questions.
She ended up saying I hate that about you that you know that you cant understand what im thinking so you always assume what im thinking.

Then she asked me 'if she was engaged in 1 years time, what would you do?'
I told her I would chat to your dad about us. She was like yeah and ruin all my happiness and my families.
Ok I wudnt of done that but I just said it (spur of the moment).

She then said your acting like a person who cant let go. I said you mean a stalker. She said no a person who cant let go.
I go well yeah you basiclaly saying im stalking you.

She then said you know ive realised somthing from tonights call which is we cant remain friends. Now this hurt.
I said to her 'what are you on about, your the one who made me dig things up and yeah I went on more then I should of like usual but I was joking about and you took things to this level'.

Basically I was fighting to keep her as a friend after that.
In the end I told her your always like this when your sleepy saying things you dont mean etc etc

She then said 'ok whatever ill talk to you tommorow'.
Gud Nite

I feel as though I am not letting go yeah but ive become stronger knowing that she aint my g/f but still apart of my life.
I think there is hope inside, but I know that will die down with time.
I mean now I can talk to her on the phone or internet without the erge of saying I LUV her. I can tell my friends that its over.

Just yesterday she asked me to meet her in another city next week.
I asked if my friend whos a female would also come.
She tole me to invite her.
Anyway I asked if we could meet on our own but she said that would beat the whole situation then.
Also she wasnt ready to meet me on her own.

Fair Enough.

Todays a new day, she might have changed her mind about meeting me now. We might not talk again on the phone. Who knows whats going to happen lol

Reply 1

saz_1989

I think...just move on. Stay friends, but don't expect more. Maybe when she's grown up she'll realise that she shouldn't turn her back on love because you're a different religion. In the meantime, find other girls; you never know, you could find someone you really love. She's messing you around I think.

Reply 2

willey

Ok i know that you think this girl is worth fighting for. But from what you are saying i dont think you to are going to get back together.

By her speaking to you every so often, its just giving you false hope.
e.g maybe she will change her mind and meet me on my own!

its the hardest thing in the world but you goto let go, and i would advise deleting her number and email because if you keep speaking to her she aint goin to wana be friends for much longer.

Reply 3

tillgii

thing is she wanted to speak to me. She asked to call me on tuesday night and yesterday I told her to get off the net as you might get a suprise and she said 'Ill look forward to it'.
So its not the chatting thats the problem, its the bringing up of the past.

Reply 4

Cirsium

I know exactly how you feel about being messed around

When me and my ex, who were admittedly VERY close, broke up all the time he was hugging me and stuff and calling and this one time he walked over to my house after school (I live like 2 mins from school so it's not a big deal) to talk to me.

Anyway like a week after we'd broken up, maybe 2 i lose track, he called me up and told me I just needed to let go because I was "all over him". I have never been so mad. I was just like ok no I'm not over you yet but it's been less than 2 weeks! And I'm not the one who's hugging you all the time and insisting we stay best friends right now grrrrr

At any rate my point is you guys broke up and it's hard for you both, but whether you started it or not, she dumped you so she feels like she has the moral high ground. She's gonna miss you too, but find any way possible to make you feel like it's your fault.

I'd advise giving her some space, and forgetting about being friends for now - just until you've stopped wanting her back.

Reply 5

saz_1989

If she wants to speak to you then it sounds like she's keeping you there just when she wants you. Can you treat her just like a friend?

Reply 6

willey

its the chatting as well.
i know you think by keepin on talking to her etc you have a chance. But i honestly dont think u have by what u say.
doing what your doing you re only goin to get hurt more, beleive me i have been there, and never will again!

Reply 7

tillgii

Lauren

If she wants to speak to you then it sounds like she's keeping you there just when she wants you. Can you treat her just like a friend?

Thats the whole idea I guess, to treat her as a friend.

Reply 8

Helenia

Treating her as a friend requires giving her more space than you currently are - I guess she's still not properly over it, but by the sounds of things she HAS accepted that it's over and not going to happen again, while you're still clinging on to the hope that something might. She may either be playing you, or just simply she hasn't got used to not being in a relationship so she likes the contact etc. However, I don't think that she's going to change her mind, otherwise she would have done by now.

Small hint - don't spill your guts to her every time you feel like it, that's definitely coming on too strong!