Can you give me an opinion on this Mock LNAT Essay

Watch this thread
muddybike
Badges: 0
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#1
Report Thread starter 11 years ago
#1
Can you give me positive feedback on my LNAT Essay Please

2. ‘Modern society is too dependent on debt: we should all pay our way.’ Do you
agree?

There is clearly a problem with debt in many societies in the Modern Era and these have caused many problems for Governments of the indebted countries. However, people disagree on whether “we should all pay our way” and believe debt is necessary to maintain our way of life.

Firstly, Debt can cause stability in the short run but it will eventually cause huge strains on the economy. It is not feasible to continue to spend high amounts of money that you do not have to create a lavish life style. In our Globalised World, high debt ratios may raise the possibility of a debt crisis, like the one in Greece, where the International Community loses faith in your ability to handle money. This means that the countries have to reduce their debts which could cause high levels of unemployment, a reduction in the support from the State, civil unrest from strikes. These could all destroy communities due to the unsustainable debt levels that a country was dependent on.

It is also immoral to maintain high debts which support a lavish life style when there are countries who are suffering from severe poverty. Currently, some societies exploit the poorer countries using the extra money from debts in the pursuit of luxury goods. However, this has several negative effects on the world economy. Firstly, it means that many developing countries are risking their futures on supporting unsustainable lifestyles. When a debt crisis occurs, not only is the country indebted punished but also the countries whose economy relied on the success of the indebted one. Secondly, the indebted countries will invest in their industries with money they do not have which will make their economies more competitive at the expense of countries which have a lack of money.

The high debt levels also mean that the balance of the world is often in the hands of a few countries that hold all of the debt. By having large stakes in the debts of the United States, for example, China can exercise a high level of influence on the policies of American Governments. This means that much of the world’s foreign policy will act in China’s interests which are not necessarily going to benefit the stability of the planet. China would be able to decide whether to maintain US economic stability or not to. This is obviously not a manner in order to secure the stability of the world’s future.

Some would argue that a dependence on debt is necessary in Modern Society as humans should have a minimum life style. These debts are in fact supporting a welfare state. Although it is desirable to create a minimum life style for all humans, it is immoral if this is at the expense of poorer countries. Also it would be wrong to create a style of life if it could only be maintained for short periods of time. It would be better if such Welfare Sates were financed, even by higher taxes, as it could then be secured for future generations.

In conclusion, it is morally right that Modern Society should pay for their way in order to create a society which is stable for a long period of time. If all societies followed a policy of Orthodox Economics: the maintenance of a balanced budget, there would be a smaller risk of society being upturned by the effects of internal problems in a large and influential country. The world would be more stable if there were no debts.
0
reply
tehforum
Badges: 20
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#2
Report 11 years ago
#2
(Original post by muddybike)
Can you give me positive feedback on my LNAT Essay Please

2. ‘Modern society is too dependent on debt: we should all pay our way.’ Do you
agree?

There is clearly a problem with debt in many societies in the Modern Era and these have caused many problems for Governments of the indebted countries. However, people disagree on whether “we should all pay our way” and believe debt is necessary to maintain our way of life.

Firstly, Debt can cause stability in the short run but it will eventually cause huge strains on the economy. It is not feasible to continue to spend high amounts of money that you do not have to create a lavish life style. In our Globalised World, high debt ratios may raise the possibility of a debt crisis, like the one in Greece, where the International Community loses faith in your ability to handle money. This means that the countries have to reduce their debts which could cause high levels of unemployment, a reduction in the support from the State, civil unrest from strikes. These could all destroy communities due to the unsustainable debt levels that a country was dependent on.

It is also immoral to maintain high debts which support a lavish life style when there are countries who are suffering from severe poverty. Currently, some societies exploit the poorer countries using the extra money from debts in the pursuit of luxury goods. However, this has several negative effects on the world economy. Firstly, it means that many developing countries are risking their futures on supporting unsustainable lifestyles. When a debt crisis occurs, not only is the country indebted punished but also the countries whose economy relied on the success of the indebted one. Secondly, the indebted countries will invest in their industries with money they do not have which will make their economies more competitive at the expense of countries which have a lack of money.

The high debt levels also mean that the "balance of the world" is often in the hands of a few countries that hold all of the debt. By having large stakes in the debts of the United States, for example, China can exercise a high level of influence on the policies of American Governments. This means that much of the world’s foreign policy will act in China’s interests which are not necessarily going to benefit the stability of the planet. China would be able to decide whether to maintain US economic stability or not to. This is obviously not a manner in order to secure the stability of the world’s future.

Some would argue that a dependence on debt is necessary in Modern Society as humans should have a minimum life style. These debts are in fact supporting a welfare state. Although it is desirable to create a minimum life style for all humans, it is immoral if this is at the expense of poorer countries. Also it would be wrong to create a style of life if it could only be maintained for short periods of time. It would be better if such Welfare Sates were financed, even by higher taxes, as it could then be secured for future generations. What can?

In conclusion, it is morally right that Modern Society should pay for their way in order to create a society which is stable for a long period of time. If all societies followed a policy of Orthodox Economics: the maintenance of a balanced budget, there would be a smaller risk of society being upturned by the effects of internal problems in a large and influential country. The world would be more stable if there were no debts.
"your" -> ones
The text in bold is mostly just highlighting the muddled sentence structure, and poor word choices.
0
reply
adam0311
Badges: 12
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#3
Report 11 years ago
#3
Work on making your sentences more concise. The idea is fine, but getting the idea across to the reader is slightly incoherent.

I can pretty much apply my statement to any sentence you wrote. Here is a random example.

"Firstly, Debt can cause stability in the short run but it will eventually cause huge strains on the economy.

Don't use firstly--just sounds terrible. Re-write it to something like. "Initailly debt causes stability, but overtime it strains the economy." Short and too the point.
0
reply
lydie1402
Badges: 1
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#4
Report 6 years ago
#4
Would someone be able to give me some feedback on the practice essay I have done for the same question. Thank you.

Modern Society is too dependent ondebt: we should all pay our way. Do you agree?
It could beargued that if we all did pay our way we would have a significantly healthiereconomy due to not owing money to banks, other countries and people. However, Ibelieve that this strategy is simply not possible or clever to do so, as in itssimplest not everyone can pay their way in this cut throat modern day society.
Debt seemsto be at the centre of all nations already. Many people, particularly inBritain do not have the qualifications or ability to get a job and make theirown wage to afford for their family, pay for their mortgage and food in orderto survive. Especially if you are a single parent, with children and no kidsthen in order for families like this to live in society, the only way this canbe achieved is through welfare state benefits. If a law was created to abolishall welfare benefits and other various types of benefits such as disabilityallowance then countries no doubt wouldbe further driven into debt and poverty, with a certain chance of riots,disagreements and confusion amongst many citizens.
Furthermore,redundancy and the cut of tax credits has already imposed a major strain onmany working families, pushing them into further stress of planning for thefuture. Whilst those who are making these decisions are those with the mostmoney and usually in very powerful positions within politics, the law and thegovernment. Thus, by certain laws like this not affecting them then those whoare already in debt are supposed to just find a way to fend for themselves andeverything will turn out fine in the end. This is not the case for most andactually causes a great amount of anxiety and constant worry, eventually havingto change their way of life because of certain laws. Thus, if people were madeto pay their own way then obviously this would be horrendous for the poor andthose who rely on welfare benefits to live in a home and provide for theirchildren.
However,there is the argument that if countries do continuously 'lend' money expectingit to be paid back in one way shape or form, whilst it all may be well and goodin the short term, the long term of these hand outs of money could be devastating to the economy of the country. As acountry we may be pushed further and further into debt and therefore go intofinancial crisis where a ban on loans, and benefits may have to be bought in.Greece is a good example of a country that has gone into masses of debt whichare now struggling to get out of the struggle of liability and calamity. Thus, closingdown of businesses means many people lose their jobs and are left in difficultsituations of what and how they are supposed to pay their debt.
Yet, somemay ask why doesn't everyone pay their way as those who rely on debt andwelfare may not actually be trying to do anything to help the situation theyare in. Termed 'welfare scroungers' and 'scum' that can't be bothered to find ajob some would say so be it. If they are not trying to find a job then that istheir own fault and therefore why everyone should pay their own way. However,this could be an argument of those from the rich and where they may not takeinto consideration of the factors that may enable some to get a job and otherreasons for why modern society is in debt.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Y13's - If you haven't confirmed your firm and insurance choices yet, why is that?

I am waiting until the deadline in case anything in my life changes (6)
20%
I am waiting until the deadline in case something else changes (e.g. exams/pandemic related concerns) (3)
10%
I am waiting until I can see the unis in person (4)
13.33%
I still have more questions before I make my decision (3)
10%
No reason, just haven't entered it yet (7)
23.33%
Something else (let us know in the thread!) (7)
23.33%

Watched Threads

View All