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MAJOR twist to my situation!
This is a MAJOR update to this thread. It looks things are finally going to come to a head.
I told her best mate I liked the girl, etc etc, and the first time I saw her/her mate in uni that mate acted normal. Later on the next day I txtd her saying we need to talk etc etc, she asked about what - obviously forgotten - how can she? I told her about this girl, she said whatsup what do I need to talk about? I said I'll save it all for person there is plenty to talk about (which is obvious). The next time I saw her, she again acts so normal it actually makes me feel awkward! How a girl who knows something like this can act normal!
To make matters worse, not only is she laidback, she doesn't make an effort to talk to me, I do all the work (txtn her etc). She doesn't care if I'm hurting - I told her that and you'll see why. She doesn't ask how I feel or comfort me. If it was her best mate - the girl I like - who was hurting, I would guarantee a much more active response. I used to see this girl as a mate and she was good at listening to my problems, but she is now a mate's mate. She doesn't care about me.
Anyway, a day or two later, because she was so laidback and made no effort to comfort me or talk to me, I txtd her - wording my txt seriously to get her to take notice - saying "if she will help me or am I on my own in this/to **** it up" and I said how I wish this was a joke and I'm not playing games. She txtd me back and she said how she truthfully isn't interested in me etc etc, but HERE IS THE TWIST THAT REALLY HURTS - this best mate (hardly a mate to me though...) said: "she likes some1 else and they are practically sorted".
Remember, the first time I told her I like her mate, she said she likes me just as a mate, but she also said that if I was going to ask her out then I should "just go for it!". Bit hard in the holidays but she said to me before and then she will let me know if her/her mates go out, even when I said how everything was cancelled (the places I got invited to, and she told me why). But she never told me of another boy even when I said the only thing worse was if I liked a taken girl - if there was even anyone else back then. Only when I got persistant and serious did she tell me about someone else. She should have told me ASAP. Because she hasn't, my chances are slipping. So her best mate knows there is another boy, she probably told her, but the girl I like hasn't told her anything about me. I really wish this would be a trap to make me admit my feelings, after all, plenty of hints are given by both of us that we like each other. Someone I know made me think maybe this other boy is meant to be me but there is unusual activity by the girl to indicate there really might just be someone else.
I asked her, who, since when as this didn't make sense to me but I had no answers - she dodged those questions like she seems to dodge all of mine. Obviously I'm hurting right now. We exchanged txts where she was saying I should be her mate, not ruin the friendship (usual stuff, she didn't ask about how I was feeling). Obviously when I saw her since then, she was laidback. I wonder if she'd be just so laidback if it was me who liked her!
So my concerns are:
1) This best mate of hers isn't exactly friendship material is she? She hasn't helped me. Is she even worth being mates with? I want her to be a mate's mate rather than a mate now. She doesn't even help. And telling me to keep my feelings to myself is hardly helping me, I really will miss out then...
2) What is this girl I like playing at? She is/was interested me and found someone else? Or could her best mate be ********ting me? Is it lust or what (I'm getting 101 theories here)? She gave me textbook signs. What is going on if she has found someone else? I've lost?
3) BTW, we were once chatting, I was saying how I don't mix with girls and don't make friends with good looking girls just for their looks etc, she asked me who do I mix better with - boys or girls, I said boys because I don't really like some of the girls I know, but her/her mate included it's pretty much equal but I also said that my best mate is a boy despite having known a nice girl since longer - which says it all. She said she mixes better with girls, they are more fun so far (dunno why she said so far), but she also said: "Every boy I have known can't just be your friend, they always want more, so I don't chat to them as much". This makes me wonder - even though I gave hints and she did too (me becoming very obvious, but then again same with her), she stopped chatting as much in the holidays so I did too - although I wouldn't keep making effort with her everyday of the holidays - I would look stupid. I've also got 101 theories on why she may have said this. Now she is chatting more since recently (1 week before we started uni again). What do you guys think of this?
BTW, because I can't even get 10 minutes alone with this girl and she disappears straight after a lecture, I told her over the net to meet me privately in person on Monday. So the "date" is set. I have been at uni for a few days now. Advice appreciated. Sorry for length.
I told her best mate I liked the girl, etc etc, and the first time I saw her/her mate in uni that mate acted normal. Later on the next day I txtd her saying we need to talk etc etc, she asked about what - obviously forgotten - how can she? I told her about this girl, she said whatsup what do I need to talk about? I said I'll save it all for person there is plenty to talk about (which is obvious). The next time I saw her, she again acts so normal it actually makes me feel awkward! How a girl who knows something like this can act normal!
To make matters worse, not only is she laidback, she doesn't make an effort to talk to me, I do all the work (txtn her etc). She doesn't care if I'm hurting - I told her that and you'll see why. She doesn't ask how I feel or comfort me. If it was her best mate - the girl I like - who was hurting, I would guarantee a much more active response. I used to see this girl as a mate and she was good at listening to my problems, but she is now a mate's mate. She doesn't care about me.
Anyway, a day or two later, because she was so laidback and made no effort to comfort me or talk to me, I txtd her - wording my txt seriously to get her to take notice - saying "if she will help me or am I on my own in this/to **** it up" and I said how I wish this was a joke and I'm not playing games. She txtd me back and she said how she truthfully isn't interested in me etc etc, but HERE IS THE TWIST THAT REALLY HURTS - this best mate (hardly a mate to me though...) said: "she likes some1 else and they are practically sorted".
Remember, the first time I told her I like her mate, she said she likes me just as a mate, but she also said that if I was going to ask her out then I should "just go for it!". Bit hard in the holidays but she said to me before and then she will let me know if her/her mates go out, even when I said how everything was cancelled (the places I got invited to, and she told me why). But she never told me of another boy even when I said the only thing worse was if I liked a taken girl - if there was even anyone else back then. Only when I got persistant and serious did she tell me about someone else. She should have told me ASAP. Because she hasn't, my chances are slipping. So her best mate knows there is another boy, she probably told her, but the girl I like hasn't told her anything about me. I really wish this would be a trap to make me admit my feelings, after all, plenty of hints are given by both of us that we like each other. Someone I know made me think maybe this other boy is meant to be me but there is unusual activity by the girl to indicate there really might just be someone else.
I asked her, who, since when as this didn't make sense to me but I had no answers - she dodged those questions like she seems to dodge all of mine. Obviously I'm hurting right now. We exchanged txts where she was saying I should be her mate, not ruin the friendship (usual stuff, she didn't ask about how I was feeling). Obviously when I saw her since then, she was laidback. I wonder if she'd be just so laidback if it was me who liked her!
So my concerns are:
1) This best mate of hers isn't exactly friendship material is she? She hasn't helped me. Is she even worth being mates with? I want her to be a mate's mate rather than a mate now. She doesn't even help. And telling me to keep my feelings to myself is hardly helping me, I really will miss out then...
2) What is this girl I like playing at? She is/was interested me and found someone else? Or could her best mate be ********ting me? Is it lust or what (I'm getting 101 theories here)? She gave me textbook signs. What is going on if she has found someone else? I've lost?
3) BTW, we were once chatting, I was saying how I don't mix with girls and don't make friends with good looking girls just for their looks etc, she asked me who do I mix better with - boys or girls, I said boys because I don't really like some of the girls I know, but her/her mate included it's pretty much equal but I also said that my best mate is a boy despite having known a nice girl since longer - which says it all. She said she mixes better with girls, they are more fun so far (dunno why she said so far), but she also said: "Every boy I have known can't just be your friend, they always want more, so I don't chat to them as much". This makes me wonder - even though I gave hints and she did too (me becoming very obvious, but then again same with her), she stopped chatting as much in the holidays so I did too - although I wouldn't keep making effort with her everyday of the holidays - I would look stupid. I've also got 101 theories on why she may have said this. Now she is chatting more since recently (1 week before we started uni again). What do you guys think of this?
BTW, because I can't even get 10 minutes alone with this girl and she disappears straight after a lecture, I told her over the net to meet me privately in person on Monday. So the "date" is set. I have been at uni for a few days now. Advice appreciated. Sorry for length.
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Its a complicated situation, I would say she is not interested and she is just feeling really awkward abt the whole situation. Perhaps she mite have been interested and has now changed her mind which sucks big time, but it sometimes how it is. It sounds also like you are bombarding her with texts and messages which mite make you come across a bit desparate and to be honest a little bit scary. I knw you probably just want stuff to work out with her and you dnt mean to be like that, but you need to slow down on the texts. The meeting sounds like a good idea, just get everything into the open, tell her how you feel, if she does not feel the same face it and get over it. You will only be hurting yourself more if you do not face facts!!!! 
Ruhr_Phantom
Its a complicated situation, I would say she is not interested and she is just feeling really awkward abt the whole situation. Perhaps she mite have been interested and has now changed her mind which sucks big time, but it sometimes how it is. It sounds also like you are bombarding her with texts and messages which mite make you come across a bit desparate and to be honest a little bit scary. I knw you probably just want stuff to work out with her and you dnt mean to be like that, but you need to slow down on the texts. The meeting sounds like a good idea, just get everything into the open, tell her how you feel, if she does not feel the same face it and get over it. You will only be hurting yourself more if you do not face facts!!!!
Possibly. The txts have been sent from me to her best mate who I originally confided in. But me txtn her best mate was to go without saying given how I could do with advice. I only sent about 10 txts in the last few days. Nothing. And when her best mate doesn't make an effort to txt me and talk to me, obviously I have to make a persistant and serious effort. I've got loads more to say to her best mate.
I haven't got the number of this girl whom I actually like (I ain't going to explain that again it's like beating a dead horse, read the other thread plz
).
Lauren
I think you should bypass the best mate and try a direct approach. "Fancy a drink sometime?" would do the trick. If she says yes, and suggests a date, you're in there. If she says "umm, maybe" or anything less positive than that, then she just wants to be a mate. Good luck
That's real good advice! Couldn't have said any better, just go for it! Might sound a bit scary but if you don't you'll never know for sure! Good Luck!
Sounds like they are both playing you. Typical of what happens when a girl and her best mate are involved 
Like has been said go directly to the girl and find out once and for all whats happening. Keep you cool though and if it is a definate no dont act like you care too much - make sure you walk away from it with you pride undented!
Like has been said go directly to the girl and find out once and for all whats happening. Keep you cool though and if it is a definate no dont act like you care too much - make sure you walk away from it with you pride undented!Road Racer
Sounds like they are both playing you. Typical of what happens when a girl and her best mate are involved Like has been said go directly to the girl and find out once and for all whats happening. Keep you cool though and if it is a definate no dont act like you care too much - make sure you walk away from it with you pride undented!
Like has been said go directly to the girl and find out once and for all whats happening. Keep you cool though and if it is a definate no dont act like you care too much - make sure you walk away from it with you pride undented!Yea I think I would agree.
How is the girl I like playing me? Just playing around, flirting with me and not really liking me in the way I like her?
As for her mate whom I confided in, how would you describe how she is playing me? Not caring?
Need you to elaborate.
I can't act like I don't care, I am emotional an sensitive and I am hurting and this is so obvious from my vibes and body language that I give off. I'm not going to hide how I feel from either girl (I think her mate would love it if I hid how I feel but I'm not doing what she wants).
I think that everything you say to the best mate or the girl is known by both of them and they quite enjoy discussing you and playing about with you, eg. deciding what they are gonna say to you, when they are gonna see you etc...
Let the girl know how you feel, but just make sure you dont ger hurt once because she doesnt like you as a BF and TWICE because her and her best mate are laughin at you (sorry to be so blunt)...
But remember I can only form opinions from what you post so obviously dont know everthing and could be wrong!
Let the girl know how you feel, but just make sure you dont ger hurt once because she doesnt like you as a BF and TWICE because her and her best mate are laughin at you (sorry to be so blunt)...
But remember I can only form opinions from what you post so obviously dont know everthing and could be wrong!
deck the bar-steward! no, seriously, i think you're out of luck with this one. which is <anagram of carp> i know, but plenty of fish in the sea and the rest of it. its easier said than done, but you have to snap out of it and move on - its the best and only way, unless your 1000% certain she will change her mind (ie, not you change it for her, subtle difference) if you carry on like you are no offence but it seems a tad desperate. and yes, i've been there.
I think that everything you say to the best mate or the girl is known by both of them and they quite enjoy discussing you and playing about with you, eg. deciding what they are gonna say to you, when they are gonna see you etc...
Funny you should say that, because I have been suspecting the same thing myself. There is some odd behaviour from the girl I like to indicate this.
Let the girl know how you feel, but just make sure you dont ger hurt once because she doesnt like you as a BF
Will do on the former, too late on the latter.
and TWICE because her and her best mate are laughin at you
If I find out that is the case then I won't be hurt, I will reciprocate.
(sorry to be so blunt)...
Got no problem with that.
El Chueco
deck the bar-steward! no, seriously, i think you're out of luck with this one. which is <anagram of carp> i know, but plenty of fish in the sea and the rest of it. its easier said than done, but you have to snap out of it and move on - its the best and only way, unless your 1000% certain she will change her mind (ie, not you change it for her, subtle difference) if you carry on like you are no offence but it seems a tad desperate. and yes, i've been there.
Yea I know. I'm not going to bother to make much effort with her or I will find myself drawn into her. I will get over it but that isn't an overnight thing, and I can't move on because I don't hate her (still like her right now, just because she doesn't like me doesn't change that - I liked her regardless), and I don't look for girls - I didn't when I met her. I'll cope with it as long as I have got my mates. I am not going to hang onto her and make effort - for what? I shouldn't have to if she likes me and it gets boring and sad making all the effort.
Whatsmore, I haven't even got her number, we aren't even going to keep in touch after the 4 years - she will get married, whatever (that hurts), go her seperate way, she won't be coming on MSN - my only communication method here. That makes me think there's no point making lots of effort. With my best mates, I know this isn't the case from experience and how close we are.
I thought this girl was me moving on from a girl I couldn't have and was taken. Obviously I have to jump away from this one too...
-Blade-
Yea I know. I'm not going to bother to make much effort with her or I will find myself drawn into her. I will get over it but that isn't an overnight thing, and I can't move on because I don't hate her (still like her right now, just because she doesn't like me doesn't change that - I liked her regardless), and I don't look for girls - I didn't when I met her. I'll cope with it as long as I have got my mates. I am not going to hang onto her and make effort - for what? I shouldn't have to if she likes me and it gets boring and sad making all the effort.
yeh, if its all one way its not really worth the effort. sometimes it works, like when i made an effot to get back in touch with one of my freinds i hadnt see or heard from in 18 months. nowadays she's one of my best freinds and we are prolly as close as we've ever been.
-Blade-
Whatsmore, I haven't even got her number, we aren't even going to keep in touch after the 4 years - she will get married, whatever (that hurts), go her seperate way, she won't be coming on MSN - my only communication method here. That makes me think there's no point making lots of effort. With my best mates, I know this isn't the case from experience and how close we are.
its a bit soon to be worried about her getting married and it not being you, though in all fairness a lot of people who it doesn't quite turn out for will be the same. you sound a bit despondent tbh.
-Blade-
I thought this girl was me moving on from a girl I couldn't have and was taken. Obviously I have to jump away from this one too...
don't take what she did personally whatever you do. if you're not right for her doesnt mean you're wrong for everyone else you know....
Yea I agree with all of what you said above, but with regards to your last comment, me and her share SO MUCH in common and get on so well (her giving signs and all that - fake signs probably?) it makes me think we are made each other and meant to be together - people I talk to tell me this. I can't see how I am wrong for her.
She was making a lot more effort last year. There is a lot of unanswered questions that make me not understand.
You can't blame me for that.
She was making a lot more effort last year. There is a lot of unanswered questions that make me not understand.
you sound a bit despondent tbh.
You can't blame me for that.
-Blade-
Yea I agree with all of what you said above, but with regards to your last comment, me and her share SO MUCH in common and get on so well (her giving signs and all that - fake signs probably?) it makes me think we are made each other and meant to be together - people I talk to tell me this. I can't see how I am wrong for her.
sometimes you can read signs that arent there, especially if you want them to be there. on a sidenote, how many other people do you know who share all that stuff with you?
El Chueco
sometimes you can read signs that arent there, especially if you want them to be there. on a sidenote, how many other people do you know who share all that stuff with you?
Yeah but I acted very cynical when talking about it to not get my hopes up. Everyone else was telling me she liked me.
Nobody else shares all that stuff with me like she does.
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