What to do with the gf after uni?

si1989si

So me and my girlfriend have been together for over three years now. We enjoy a good relationship, there is the odd argument but never anything that cant be sorted out or anything relationship affecting. I enjoy spending time with her and she does with me. Neither of us have or will ever cheat and I am not saying that out of being naive either.

Anyway the point is that after university is over (we are both at the same uni) she wants to go travelling, maybe even live abroad. I on the other hand want to start a career and save a lot of money. It is not because I wouldn't enjoy travelling but because I always want to be comfortable money wise so that I can do those kinds of things without the worry.

So the reasons and description above is shortened for obvious reasons but the basic problem is that I don't think I could carry on the relationship if she is absent for a year or however long she is away for. I am not sure she could either and I am slightly worried she would end up not doing the things she wants to in life to stay with me. I don't really want to let that happen but I don't want to lose my girlfriend either when there is nothing wrong with the relationship. Finally I don't want to do those kinds of things till I am older because I want to spend the time while I am young with my friends before they all settle down.

So now I am left with a ticking clock to the end of the year when I know she is going to want to go away and there is increasingly less time to make decisions. Any help or advice would be appreciated.

(at the moment I just don't think about it much, take each day as it comes and enjoy it but I know that it has to be considered at some point)

Reply 1

shampoo1

Hmmm this is a hard predicment, but it will honestly sort itself out !
Are you in your 3rd year now? You will see that life will pan out throughout your final year.
Myself and my boyfriend were the same! I was on for travelling or moving to another city to study - just anything to keep from being still! I ended up moving to another city to save and my boyfriend moved back home! We seen eachother every weekend and after 3 months we couldnt deal with it anymore and just moved to a new city together and weve been here a year and a half now! Were both doing completly different things to what we had planned seperatly two years ago but couldnt be any happier.
I couldnt even be bothered with travelling now! (haha) people change and things change and hopefully things will work for both of ye so yous are both happy :smile:

But dont sell yourself short for anyone, make sure you are happy !!!! xxx

Reply 2

bananabrain

Hmm wait and see what happens over the course of the year, you might be best not worrying about it for the time being and work out what to do when the time comes instead, or at least when your exams are done, because spending time worrying about it now may distract you from studying. A lot of things could change over the year (e.g she may not want to travel for as long, you might feel you can cope being away etc). but the only thing I can suggest is to either trial it and see if you can cope with her being away, or agree to break up when she goes.

Reply 3

spammoclocks

You need to sit down and talk about this, I mean 3 years is wayy too loong to just end it now! If you love eachother you will come to some agreement on what to do. I know someone whose going Uni in America in January, her and her partner are gonna give it a go. Just as you said, take it as time goes, you may both change your mind. Never say never. You dont know what round the corner.

Reply 4

kristinaalovesu

Both of you should talk about it, but remember, some plans never happens. You can plan a lot of things right now, even if you are sure you can make it happen, sometimes it can changes by the things that might happen around you in the future. who knows?
My bf and i, he wants me to move in with him and just go to university in DC next year, whilst my plan is to go there next year in UK and study there. I agreed with him that im going to uni in DC next year but thats if *were still together* i know were gonna be still together but you never know. so my back up plan is, if he ever leave me again or something bad happens between the two of us, my plan is to go there in UK. :smile:

Its nice to have some back up plans you know.
good luck.

Reply 5

doubledot

If you want the truth.. Long distance relationships like that, when you've both started on a new path in your life.. Well. They hardly work.

However (and there's always a but) there are exceptions and it's something you need to talk to her about - and fast since I'm foreseeing many nights wondering about it together.

Reply 6

senator88

Tbh i don't want to sound mean or anything but the way you describe not wanting to lose her cos theres "nothing wrong with the relationship" doesnt seem like enough. i know its too young to think about this but if you can imagine spending the rest of your life with her then you should be able to wait for her while she goes travelling. if you cant, its probably best you break up when the time comes and go your seperate ways. but who knows? one of you might change your mind!

Reply 7

si1989si

senator88

I am sorry I just didn't want to bore you all with the details. Let me explain.
I have been in plenty of relationships before this one. I have had some very bad times and some very bad girlfriends as well as some half decent ones. My current girlfriend is so far above the rest and I don't just say that because I am with her right now. I would never leave her and I couldn't be happier in the relationship. The problem is I feel I might have to so that she can get what she wants from life because I believe that it is far more important to get what you want from life before you settle down. I would do almost anything within my power to keep her and keep it going but at the same time I am not going to hold her down from her plans and ambitions.

I love her to pieces and her happiness is far more important to me than anything else. Anyway thank you everyone for the insight. I do hope it works out OK. We thought the same kind of things when she first went to uni at the beginning of the relationship but we both made the effort to see each other and it worked fine. The problem this time round is she will be going a lot further away for a lot longer. Yes I am in my final year of University (3rd year). We both are and have a stressful year ahead. She is averaging well over a first which I am sure she will get.

We have touched on this discussion a couple of times and it seems to be that we are doing the same thing as when she was going to university at the start of the relationship. Just waiting till it happens and seeing what happens. She loves travelling and if I felt secure enough financially and didn't feel bad about leaving friends and family at home I would love to go with her.

I appreciate you all reading these long posts and trying to help out, it is very kind. I must sound like a right loser spilling all this emotional stuff out onto a forum and believe me it is not something I usually do but it helps to hear a wide variety of advice.