sorry if this goes on for a while...
we started out as a long distance relationship and have been together for over 2 years. he's very social, friendly and funny (ie the group joker) while i've been shy all my life, and tend to really open up only to those close to me.
the first year was great, he kept trying to impress me etc etc but during the summer when i thought i loved him like i never did before he decided to break up the relationship, reasons being that he saw his friends hanging out with local girls and wanted to fit in, he wanted someone closer to home, and liked someone else.
i was completely crushed and in denial, telling him that i forgive him if he realised he made a mistake, but he was firm. a couple of weeks later he asked if we could get back together (his friend said the girl rejected him). i took him back because i just could not see him upset.
soo everything was great again.
then september09 - september10 has been terrible for me for many reasons. i think it made my natural nervous persona tip over the edge- i've been crying nearly every night, suicidal, have most of the symptoms for major depression/mild bipolar where i get terrible mood swings and racing thoughts.
i've sought online counselling (no time for real) and will see a doctor once uni starts.
i've also started having a problem with jealousy. one distinct incident was when he went to a mate's birthday and posed for photos with a girl. fair enough. however, i would never reproduce the poses he made..some of my friends too thought it was inappropriate. we got into an argument and it really ticked HIM off that i was upset. and it does every time.. he gets angry if i'm upset. why???
then i feel like cr*p, like i'm some psycho with self-esteem problems and i dont deserve him, like i'm ready to give up if he wants to move on... but he says he'll stay with me forever. i want to trust him i really do,..
i've also had these thoughts that i don't need him, that i've already emotionally let him go a while ago..
then i change my mind, like i need no-one else in this universe... like i cannot picture my life without him
what do i do??
Half of the top 10 aren't even RG...