This is gonna be a bit long, but I would appreciate any input, opinion or help from fellow TSRs..
So basically, I´ve gotten myself in a bit of a mess with my flatmate, that I´ve been living with for 9 months. I met him through a mutual friend (I´m a girl, btw) in college whilst doing my Foundations, and he was doing a language course, and decided to share a flat with him.
As the months progressed, I have grown quite fond of him and we get along very well. He´s a very nice guy and he takes care of me and is generally sweet all around. There was even an incident when I accidentally caused him injury when I was drunk and ended up with him having to cough up almost £1000 at the dentist. I tried to offer to pay all or even half of this, but he refused saying that I shouldn´t feel guilty over what happened. In short, he´s made alot of sacrifices for me, cooking for me every night, taking care of me when I got sick etc.
So anyways, last summer I had to go back to my country (in Asia, I would prefer not going too much into details). My flatmate asked me if he could join me (he´s from Spain) and he bought the plane ticket and made all the necessary arrangements, and flew all the way to my country to spend the summer with me.
Summer went uneventfully until the week before he left for London (I stayed behind for an extra week due to my visa requirements). Now my flatmate and I had never so much as kissed before, but somehow something happened and we ended up having sex. No alcohol and/or drugs was involved, we were completely straight out sober. That week we had sex everyday until the day before his flight to London. We never really discussed anything, but he has told me before that he didn´t want a girlfriend ATM since his last relationship ended badly (he was with that girl for 4 years). Before he left for London, he said that everything has to stop once I join him in London since we live together and we´re really close friends and that would create a mess.
So 1 week later I flew to London to join him. The first six days went by just fine, we kept our hands mostly to each other, until day seven. We had gone out clubbing with some friends, and after getting back from the club we had sex again. We didn´t have that much to drink in the club, so we were not drunk. After that we start acting very much like a couple, holding hands and kissing and cuddling and hugging when we´re out and about. Then 1 week after that, he left to visit his family in Spain. The night before he left everything was fine, we still slept together and I even went to the train station to see him off. He stayed in Spain for 10 days, and during that time we kept in touch via Skype.
One night we had an argument through Skype, which escalated into one of the biggest fights I´ve ever had with him. The gist of it was that I was considering moving in halls for uni, and that completely pissed him off. We have had this discussion a few times in the past, always ending with him crying and begging and pleading for me not to leave him. Well that night he told me that I´m selfish and that I´m keeping him from moving on with his life. WTF? But we managed to talk everything out and that matter was pushed aside.
3 days ago he returned from Spain, and his attitude changed! He was still very nice to me, but he spent most of the days locked up in his room (he´s never done that before) and I felt so distant from him, he doesn´t cuddle or kiss or hold hands anymore..
I am so confused about what´s going on ATM, since I fancy him very, very much. I want to say something but I´m so afraid that he´ll reject me and that he´s just using me for sex. My friend thinks I should just move in with him, and leave my current flatmate. What do you think I should do?
Many many thanks
Got myself in a mess.. Watch
- 24-09-2010 04:23
- 24-09-2010 13:17
- 24-09-2010 13:24
Do what you want to do, move into halls. If he is a keeper either as a friend or a partner he will eventually understand. In the meantime stand firm about what you want to do but reassure him that it wont change anything between the two of you. Also try to discuss your relationship with him to see whether he wants you as a girlfriend or a friend. It is best to have things like that clear between the two of you.
- 24-09-2010 13:25
I think he's just hurt, and he's trying to distance himself from you.
If you like him, then you need to talk to him abut having a relationship, and see what happens. There's obviously something there between you.
- 24-09-2010 21:03
He told me that if I ever leave him, he would leave the country and I would never see him again, and he would never speak to me again. I tried finding him another flatmate, but he said he doesn't want to live with anyone other than me..
I would really like to say something, but we were really good friends and are still good friends despite everything that's happened, and I'm really scared of ruining the friendship.. Besides, the fact that he said he wanted to end the sex right before he came back to London looks like a really bad sign for me..