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Feeling extremel depressed, don't know why watch

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    Anon or delete. First off, apologies for this being so lengthy, but no one is forcing you to read it, so please no "tl;dr".

    For quite a while now I have been feeling extremely depressed. Unlike most people who make threads here about being depressed because they don't have any friends, their girl friend just dumped them, what have you, I actually have no idea why I feel this way. I lay awake at night til the early hours of the morning feeling this way, unable to sleep. No matter what thoughts I make myself think, I cannot get rid of this feeling. It's like there's just something missing inside me, a gap which cannot be filled, you know the story. I just feel like crying all the time. This is not the type of thing which can be fixed with a simple "cheer up things will get better" comment. Sure, there are several contributing factors I guess; I am ridiculously skinny (I'm 5' 11", and weigh 8 stone), I lack female companions (in a sexual sense) and I missed out on the opportunity of a life time through my own lazyness. But these are not what I think about when I lay awake. In fact, I can't even tell you what I think about, it's like there is a million different thoughts racing through my head at once which I cannot make much sense of. I question everything and attempt to make links and connections between things, I don't know what to believe about life and I keep trying to come up with answers even though I know I will never find them, because I don't even know what the questions are to which I am looking for answers. I don't believe in God, but if his existance was proved and, say, everything Christianity teaches was true, I think I would actually feel fine. It has been getting a lot worse recently, although I don't actually see myself committing suicide, I have thoughts about it every night, and just think that all this could be ended easily. At least if I knew why I was feeling this way I might be able to get help more easily, but I just don't really know what to do. Anybody else in my position would probably feel fine, I have plenty of friends,go to university, and have a reat family. This just makes it all the more worse, really. Everyday I put on a facade to appear fine, both my parents are psychiatrists and neither of them have really clocked on to my depression. I thought I could just live it out, ignoring it. But I can't for much longer. I think quite logically, in fact it is my personal belief that everything I truly believe is correct, and my logic goes unflawed, yet at the same time I acknowledge how insane this sounds. I have a hard time concentrating and often have great difficulty expressing my feelings into words, which is why it is near impossible to explain in this post how I truly feel.

    I dream a lot, and often remember many of my dreams. In my dreams, all these feelings completely disappear, I live my life happily and quite similarly to how I do now. It's like my dreams are an alternate reality where I'm not depressed, and I'm happy. Now having the mind I do, I just have to put lots of thought in to this, and obviously I cannot get any explanations as we know very little about dreams. I'm very interested in psychadelics and for some reason I see them as clues to answers I am looking for. Although my actual psychadelic experiences are mainly limited to reading about them only, I still can't help but feel this way. Most people just accept consciousness without questioning it, I can't. Through logical thinking my actual belief is that there is nothing more to it, but it's not wat I want to believe. I want there to be something more to it. I just can't accept that what we have has come naturally, although it is what I believe. I realise I may sound quite contradicting here, in terms of that I have 2 different beliefs/views, but this is just another thing I can't explain in words, so sorry if you can't empathise with me. I feel that even with all this waffling I have still not come anywhere close to explaining how I feel, and don't think I will, so I will leave it at that.

    I have to know, does any one else out there feel the same? Is there anything anyone can recommend? I didn't use to be like this. It's like I've previously been living in the dark and someone has just switched on the lights. I can't remember exactly how long I've been feeling this way, it's probably worth mentioning though that at uni my 2 best friends both suffer from bipolar disorder and have somewhat opened my eyes, but I can't imagine either of them feeling how I do. Thanks for reading, even if you can't help.
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    I would recommend you go to the doctors and see a counsellor. Sounds like it could be a mental and health issue plus combination of insomnia aswell. Don't let the docs give you sleeping pills as it will give you fake highs and then hit rock bottom again as they tend to act as anti depressant pills aswell. Ask to see a counsellor or if there's a counsellor at uni then get help.
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    tl;dr
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    Hello I often get like this too..at times i jsut feel so unhappy but i cant work out why! I think something must have hurt you deeply and its moved you a little. Try going to see a doctor and talk about all thats happening, im sure they'd give the best advice. With me, i think i get a bit depressed sometimes just thinking about the past and i cant seem to move on. I try to socialise a bit more with friends and that way I keep myself busy and try not to think about it. Maybe you should try this..
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    It was too long so I didn't read, but for some reason I feel the need to notify of this decision.
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    endogenous anxiety / depression needn't have any obvious cause. I'm not sure whether your existential worries are cause or consequence of your low mood. How about taking enjoyment in the activities of daily life? Do you like your food, do you enjoy things like hobbies, do you still have sexual fantasies? Are you enjoying your course?

    I'd suggest you find a way of discussing this with your parents. It might be easier if you talk about the insomnia first. Bottling this sort of thing up like a guilty secret is unlikely to help - or at least, it clearly hasn't helped in your case.

    See your GP if problems persist; if you need treatment your own parents won't be able to treat you.

    Also, it's probably be a good idea to discuss it with a counsellor/mention it to your tutor at uni - if nothing else, do this before you run into academic troubles - people often claim to be depressed after things go wrong, and are treated with some scepticism

    avoid psychedelics - I think given your current mental state, any kind of recreational drugs would be extremely unwise. (quite apart from being mostly illegal)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello I often get like this too..at times i jsut feel so unhappy but i cant work out why! I think something must have hurt you deeply and its moved you a little. Try going to see a doctor and talk about all thats happening, im sure they'd give the best advice. With me, i think i get a bit depressed sometimes just thinking about the past and i cant seem to move on. I try to socialise a bit more with friends and that way I keep myself busy and try not to think about it. Maybe you should try this..
    Seems like we both suffer from the same thing, I always think of past events and it makes me depressed, especially with really old events triggered by nostalgia. If my mind is concentrating on something else, the depression goes as you would expect. This leads me to just watching movies and tv shows practically all the time I'm free, mainly in the evening/early hours of the morning. I never want to stop because I know as soon as I finish watching it and try to go to sleep I will get these feelings again.

    (Original post by jimbo139)
    endogenous anxiety / depression needn't have any obvious cause. I'm not sure whether your existential worries are cause or consequence of your low mood. How about taking enjoyment in the activities of daily life? Do you like your food, do you enjoy things like hobbies, do you still have sexual fantasies? Are you enjoying your course?

    I'd suggest you find a way of discussing this with your parents. It might be easier if you talk about the insomnia first. Bottling this sort of thing up like a guilty secret is unlikely to help - or at least, it clearly hasn't helped in your case.

    See your GP if problems persist; if you need treatment your own parents won't be able to treat you.

    Also, it's probably be a good idea to discuss it with a counsellor/mention it to your tutor at uni - if nothing else, do this before you run into academic troubles - people often claim to be depressed after things go wrong, and are treated with some scepticism

    avoid psychedelics - I think given your current mental state, any kind of recreational drugs would be extremely unwise. (quite apart from being mostly illegal)
    The answer to all you're first questions is yes. I actually enjoy food a surprising amount, and fantasize about what I will eat. When I'm hungry, I can never actually be bothered getting food straight away, and just end up procrastinating for an hour before I get too hungry, then I get some food. This probably isn't too healthy but it's better then not eating at all. I have several hobbies which I enjoy once I'm doing them, but I find it quite hard to get the motivation to do them. It's kind of like all I feel like doing is sitting on my bed at my laptop, but it's not what I want to do. And yes I have sexual fantasies, some quite concerning/strange to be honest. And yes I enjoy my course, I actually find it very interesting.

    I probably should talk about it, my mum kind of starting asking me but I found it difficult to explain and she didn't seem to really acknowledge how I actually feel. Probably because I try to act normal all the time they couldn't possibly think anything is wrong with me. I do plan on seeing a different doctor about it though. Depending on what they say, I will then talk to my tutors as you advised.

    I am more interested in the effects of psychedelics, the only ones I have done are legal, although I did have plans to try magic mushrooms soon with a friend of mine, it may not be the best idea though as you said. I smoke marijuana a lot though, as in often but not high quantities. Normally a joint in the evening. It is kind of a temporary escape to my depression. I don't have a problem with smoking it btw, I've not had any for 2 days now and can quite happily (and I use that term loosely) continue as normal. I don't spend a lot on it either, definitely less then most people spend on alcohol. I don't want to admit that weed may be cause for some of my depression as I enjoy it so much, but I guess it is a possibility. I plan on only smoking weekends when term starts so I guess I can see if there are any positive changes.
 
 
 
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