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Is having sex or a relationship with your housemate totally forbidden? watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I REALLY fancy my new housemate and I have no idea whether or not he likes me back. I have that feeling about him that makes me sure that I'd be upset if I saw him with another girl, or even worse, if he brought a girl back to the house one night. I don't want this "does he or doesn't he" worry hanging over me all the time. I really want something to happen between us, even if at first it's just a kiss so that I know he likes me back.
    Even though I'm not looking for a boyfriend, if he asked me out I'm pretty sure I'd say yes.

    BUT everyone I've spoken to says nothing can ever happen between us because it could get "really awkward", and people in these kinds of relationships say that it always turns into arguments and bad feelings.
    Does this HAVE to be the case? If we give each other plenty of space, why do there have to be problems any more than for other couples? And surely at some point couples move in together anyway. Or should I make it very clear that we can't be serious like that, but keep it at casual occasional sex or something?

    I really can't see any way of getting over him without something happening between us first. Help appreciated! x
    Why would it be forbidden? Are you stupid?
    You already like him, so living with him and not having him is already going to be a problem. The best thing you can do is listen to your feelings.
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    (Original post by twl)
    Don't say this if what you REALLY want is a LTR with the guy.

    Once a guy knows a girl is a spunk bucket it's hard for him to take her seriously as a girlfriend because he figures "if she does this with me, she'll be doing it with a bunch of other guys".

    If you want serious you need to get serious.

    Don't think there is anything wrong with dating your flatmate.
    I'm not entirely sure what I want.
    I broke up with my boyfriend as planned because I wanted to be single at uni and not have anything bringing me back home all the time. The plan was to be single as much as possible...but I hadn't banked on meeting someone that I really liked as a person and didn't just fancy.

    (Original post by Wanischa)
    I was in Ucas 2010
    But I don't think you are the only one with that problem.
    Uni tends to put people that they think will get on well together anyway
    Well uni told us they weren't going to do anything to find us accommodation, so a group of us got together and found a house in the city, nothing to do with uni. (And no I didn't realise I fancied him at that point >.<)
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    Yes. It's called The Platinum Rule.
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    (Original post by Keith Lemon)
    It will turn sour, I witnessed exactly this happening, the ending was not nice...., and they still hate each other.
    How can you say "it WILL"??
    I don't know how everyone just KNOWS it won't work, when they don't know either of the people. That's the point of the thread, asking if/why it definitely won't work.
    Why did that one 'turn sour'?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What??



    No, sorry, we're going to be living off-campus in a house anyway.
    The thing is, I get on well with most of my exes, I'm best friends with one of them and would feel entirely comfortable living with him. But people seem to be so against the idea...like they just assume it's going to go wrong.
    I'd ignore them, do what you want, maybe they're jealous eh or want him for themselves....
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    Has he shown any interested in you yet? What do you score on a 0 - 10 rating scale. I will deduct points for exaggeration myself.
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    (Original post by twl)
    Has he shown any interested in you yet? What do you score on a 0 - 10 rating scale. I will deduct points for exaggeration myself.
    Like I'm going to rate myself!
    I rate myself about 5, but guys rate me higher.
    I don't know anyway, sometimes he seems flirty...he took 2 trains to come and see me with other friends, but it could just be a friendly personality.
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    Omigod..

    I swear reading your post is like reading a diary or something of mine from 9 months ago.. I actually started a thread in this forum yesterday about a very similar problem, and I also broke up with my ex-boyfriend before I left to do foundations so I can be single and expand my options.. Difference is that my flatmate and I have already had sex several times, and right now we (or to be more precise, me) is kind of in limbo trying to figure out where this is going..

    Funny thing is, the sex wasn't awkward.. It's better if you've become friends first and got to know each other a little better..
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    Omigod..

    I swear reading your post is like reading a diary or something of mine from 9 months ago.. I actually started a thread in this forum yesterday about a very similar problem, and I also broke up with my ex-boyfriend before I left to do foundations so I can be single and expand my options.. Difference is that my flatmate and I have already had sex several times, and right now we (or to be more precise, me) is kind of in limbo trying to figure out where this is going..

    Funny thing is, the sex wasn't awkward.. It's better if you've become friends first and got to know each other a little better..
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    Adultery is not a good thing. It will ruin your life. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITHOUT MARRIAGE.
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    (Original post by Tempa)
    Adultery is not a good thing. It will ruin your life. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITHOUT MARRIAGE.

    shut the **** up tard.
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    (Original post by Tempa)
    Adultery is not a good thing. It will ruin your life. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITHOUT MARRIAGE.
    My parents both committed "adultery" as you so put it before they married.

    Still married 30 years on with two successful adult children. Their lives are just fine, thanks.

    Just because you have to invent silly rules to keep your **** in order doesn't mean the rest of us can't just have sex responsibly. When we like.


    OP: You sound as though you are so preoccupied with your flatmate that things will undoubtedly turn awkward or not (depending on you two as people) regardless of what action you take (well maybe more awkward if you have a massive terrible breakup, but you can just choose.. not to be like that, surely?). It will all come out. So you may as well give it a shot imo, just be clear on what you want (ie: is it sex, or is it a relationship - because I think it will be hurtful for one or both of you if you start having sex wanting different things), and make that clear to the guy as well if you want to avoid confusion.
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    I personally think you should go for it, you will hear stories of it working and on the flip side you will hear stories of it not and then being horribly awkward therafter.

    But as someone else said, you only live once - go for it.

    However one thing you should perhaps consider beforehand which (I don't think) anyone else has mentioned. You should consider your other housemates. If it doesn't work and ends badly, it could potentially divide your housemates, choosing sides etc (I'd like to think not, it'd be quite childish) but might happen.

    Good luck
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    A guy going to uni will want sex. end of.

    if you're willing to have just that it's 100% certain he'll say hes
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    It could get very awkward if it doesn't work out, I think that's why people advise against it. If you're willing to take that risk, then go for it.
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    1. Do what you want, not what other people tell you to.

    2. Learn to distinguish between 'Unadvisable' and 'Forbidden'.
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    The thing is though, I think that in a cohabiting situation, it's kind of all or nothing, so kissing or sleeping with him might make things awkward if you don't actually get together. It could intensify your feelings if the other doesn't want a relationship, then imagine watching them get with other people or into a relationship with someone else.
    Even if it does go swimmingly, I do not understand how you will be able to 'give each other space'. What, in a tiny student flat or house? I think not. Be prepared for the fact that there won't really be a courting period, things will move fast and there will not be one iota of mystery. Your blossoming romance might make other house or flatmates feel awkward, especially if there are only two others. If you ever have an argument, you will have to leave the house to get some space and find a neutral friend to ***** to.
    And that's if it goes well.
    To be honest, you might find him attractive now, but you haven't lived with him yet. In a month's time you might wonder how you ever found him attractive.
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    (Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse)
    The thing is though, I think that in a cohabiting situation, it's kind of all or nothing, so kissing or sleeping with him might make things awkward if you don't actually get together. It could intensify your feelings if the other doesn't want a relationship, then imagine watching them get with other people or into a relationship with someone else.
    Even if it does go swimmingly, I do not understand how you will be able to 'give each other space'. What, in a tiny student flat or house? I think not. Be prepared for the fact that there won't really be a courting period, things will move fast and there will not be one iota of mystery. Your blossoming romance might make other house or flatmates feel awkward, especially if there are only two others. If you ever have an argument, you will have to leave the house to get some space and find a neutral friend to ***** to.
    And that's if it goes well.
    To be honest, you might find him attractive now, but you haven't lived with him yet. In a month's time you might wonder how you ever found him attractive.
    Thank you, finally someone, for explaining things!
    I didn't even think about courting and mystery, those kinds of things.
    I suppose we would miss out on that.
    It is a big house with a garden though (we got a good deal), and he's already got a job firmly lined up, and we do different courses. Probably be spending a lot of time together over freshers though.

    I've decided not to do or say anything until we've moved in and lived together for a bit at least, in case I change my mind.
    Like I said...I really didn't want a boyfriend a couple of weeks ago, I thought in a way "playing the field" would be more fun, but I can't see me finding anyone I would like more than I like him so now that idea seems stupid...I wish I knew what he wants!
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    (Original post by SpamBa)
    1. Do what you want, not what other people tell you to.

    2. Learn to distinguish between 'Unadvisable' and 'Forbidden'.
    The word is stupid, I agree.
    But I wanted to convey an "unwritten rule", something that you just DON'T do.
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    :laugh: God no.
 
 
 
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