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On/off feelings - do I get into it again?
Okay, I'll attempt to keep this brief even though I could write an essay on everything that's happened. Also, before I say anything, can I just state that I'm not usually the sort of person to start these types of threads? Usually I'm really quite decisive and have lots of family/friends who can help me weigh up pros/cons. I kind of need people who are impartial to help me with this though so any replies are greatly appreciated!
Basically, I've had this on/off 'seeing each other' thing going on with a guy for around a year now. I'll bullet point events to keep them easy to read
Sept
- Broke up with his long-term gf and went on a date with me just before I left for uni
- Both decided to 'keep things casual' (this isn't very 'me' but I decided to give it a go) as it was long-distance
- He decided he wasn't ready for a new relationship and called it off
- Got back with his ex
Xmas
- Broke up with his gf - said it was a mistake and totally over now
- Spoke to me A LOT whilst at home
- Nearly progressed to 'seeing each other again' but not quite
Easter
- Slept together and saw each other loads
- He still wasnt ready for a new relationship so said he'd rather be friends
Summer
- Saw each other a lot over 2 weeks
- I told him I couldn't get involved with him again as I always get hurt
- He said he was only trying to be mates by seeing lots of me and talking to me loads and that he didnt want anything more as he still wasn't ready
So, I got over it - have hardly spoken to him whilst being on holiday and kept things really cool. Went out with him last night and he was saying he still has feelings for me and has changed etc. So I told him it wasn't fair for him to tell me that and he was like 'okay just being nice'.
Right, so my question is: Do I send him a message explaining how I'm feeling? My logic is telling me to steer clear as I'll only get hurt again and we're better off as friends, but the rest of me is wondering whether we could make a proper go of things now, if he's really sorted his head out...
Shall I message him and tell him what I'm thinking to see what he says? Or do I go back to uni wondering if we could have made it work this time?
Thanks guys! xx
Basically, I've had this on/off 'seeing each other' thing going on with a guy for around a year now. I'll bullet point events to keep them easy to read
Sept
- Broke up with his long-term gf and went on a date with me just before I left for uni
- Both decided to 'keep things casual' (this isn't very 'me' but I decided to give it a go) as it was long-distance
- He decided he wasn't ready for a new relationship and called it off
- Got back with his ex
Xmas
- Broke up with his gf - said it was a mistake and totally over now
- Spoke to me A LOT whilst at home
- Nearly progressed to 'seeing each other again' but not quite
Easter
- Slept together and saw each other loads
- He still wasnt ready for a new relationship so said he'd rather be friends
Summer
- Saw each other a lot over 2 weeks
- I told him I couldn't get involved with him again as I always get hurt
- He said he was only trying to be mates by seeing lots of me and talking to me loads and that he didnt want anything more as he still wasn't ready
So, I got over it - have hardly spoken to him whilst being on holiday and kept things really cool. Went out with him last night and he was saying he still has feelings for me and has changed etc. So I told him it wasn't fair for him to tell me that and he was like 'okay just being nice'.
Right, so my question is: Do I send him a message explaining how I'm feeling? My logic is telling me to steer clear as I'll only get hurt again and we're better off as friends, but the rest of me is wondering whether we could make a proper go of things now, if he's really sorted his head out...
Shall I message him and tell him what I'm thinking to see what he says? Or do I go back to uni wondering if we could have made it work this time?
Thanks guys! xx
Reply 1
I suppose it all depends on how willing you are to give it another go!
I would tell him how you feel, like tell him all that ^^ he should understand why you're wary about trying again. If I were you I would want to know where I stood with him.
Hope it works out
I would tell him how you feel, like tell him all that ^^ he should understand why you're wary about trying again. If I were you I would want to know where I stood with him.
Hope it works out
Reply 2
aliii
I suppose it all depends on how willing you are to give it another go!
I would tell him how you feel, like tell him all that ^^ he should understand why you're wary about trying again. If I were you I would want to know where I stood with him.
Hope it works out
I would tell him how you feel, like tell him all that ^^ he should understand why you're wary about trying again. If I were you I would want to know where I stood with him.
Hope it works out
Thank you so much
I think he understands why I'm wary 'cause last night he was just like 'fair enough' but I'm not sure I can let him go without knowing for sure... But then I said last time that it would be the last time he hurt me and now I'm back at square one - it's driving me mad!
Anyway, thanks for your input
xxReply 3
Anonymous
Thank you so much
I think he understands why I'm wary 'cause last night he was just like 'fair enough' but I'm not sure I can let him go without knowing for sure... But then I said last time that it would be the last time he hurt me and now I'm back at square one - it's driving me mad!
Anyway, thanks for your input xx
I think he understands why I'm wary 'cause last night he was just like 'fair enough' but I'm not sure I can let him go without knowing for sure... But then I said last time that it would be the last time he hurt me and now I'm back at square one - it's driving me mad!
Anyway, thanks for your input
xxno problem
it sounds really complicated, I'm sure you know in your own mind what you want to do!
Reply 4
Politely tell him where to get off. You could really do without this guy. He is calling all the shots here and knows just how justify his more than friendly behaviour as just being friendly. When you both get back in contact again, who is it that initiates? I get a hunch it's him. Why did you go back to him (not properly, but you know what I mean) so easily at Christmas when he chose his ex over you? Why did you sleep with him at Easter if you had feelings for him? You were setting yourself up for heartbreak. He is not being a friend to you - he is being more than a friend but not, and also a selfish idiot. And he cannot tell you he has feelings for you then say he was just being friendly - I know you in effect rejected him, but still. Sooo... don't message him. It's probably pretty clear how you feel about him, the amount he's played you. Don't give him the satisfaction. Move on I say.
Reply 5
16
Anonymous
x
here's what i think:
he will never end up being in a relationship with u. after 1 year he never actually asked u to be his girlfriend, why would he do it now?
im thinking he just wants pussy without being a one night stand and u provide that; and u also provide a good time casually and he calls it off whenever he likes.
im not trying to be rude or calling a slag. im just saying that perhaps u've sold urself short on this one and u probably shouldnt wait for him to make his mind up. find someone that deserves u.
(im ready for all the negs)
Reply 6
12
You sound unstable.
Reply 7
Thank you all for your replies...
The fact that there's contradicting viewpoints on here is serving to demonstrate my own torn feelings really but it is very much appreciated!
Sometimes, I think it's not worth the hassle as, even if we did get into something properly, there's no guarantee either of us would be able to handle the pressure of a LDR (although he has doen it before) and then it would be much harder to get over.
But half of me is saying we're so compatible in so many ways, he's the only guyI've been interested in in a loooong time and it would be a shame to let it go to waste...
I sent him a text last night saying that I was going to message him but he had said on FB that he was tired so I wouldn't and he replied saying that he was really shattered and would speak to me soon, which sounds a bit dismissive to me but then I guess that's how I treated him the other day?
The fact that there's contradicting viewpoints on here is serving to demonstrate my own torn feelings really but it is very much appreciated!
Sometimes, I think it's not worth the hassle as, even if we did get into something properly, there's no guarantee either of us would be able to handle the pressure of a LDR (although he has doen it before) and then it would be much harder to get over.
But half of me is saying we're so compatible in so many ways, he's the only guyI've been interested in in a loooong time and it would be a shame to let it go to waste...
I sent him a text last night saying that I was going to message him but he had said on FB that he was tired so I wouldn't and he replied saying that he was really shattered and would speak to me soon, which sounds a bit dismissive to me but then I guess that's how I treated him the other day?
Reply 8
17
Call him up on it.
Give him a chance to enter a relationship. However if he breaks it off then it's over.
I don't think you should be friends with this guy personally even if you have alot in common with him. Even though you were acting friendly... There appears never to have been an 'on' situation with your on/off relationship analogy.
I messed around with my current girlfriend for a long time because I wasn't sure how the relationship would end up. But at the end of the day, I liked her enough to decide to go ahead with the relationship rather than worry about the future.
Give him a chance to enter a relationship. However if he breaks it off then it's over.
I don't think you should be friends with this guy personally even if you have alot in common with him. Even though you were acting friendly... There appears never to have been an 'on' situation with your on/off relationship analogy.
I messed around with my current girlfriend for a long time because I wasn't sure how the relationship would end up. But at the end of the day, I liked her enough to decide to go ahead with the relationship rather than worry about the future.
(edited 14 years ago)
Reply 9
That's a really good idea
I'm going to wait until he contacts me of his own accord and then assess the situation and perhaps do that.
Does anyone have anything to add?
I'm going to wait until he contacts me of his own accord and then assess the situation and perhaps do that.
Does anyone have anything to add?
Reply 10
I had almost exactly this situation. Eventually I had to erase him from my life, at the end of the day I stopped kidding myself and realised that I simply cared a lot more than he did. And whilst he was calling the shots I was still going to obsess.
Reply 11
an ex is an ex for a reason! don't go back
Reply 12
16
Anonymous
That's a really good idea
I'm going to wait until he contacts me of his own accord and then assess the situation and perhaps do that.
Does anyone have anything to add?
I'm going to wait until he contacts me of his own accord and then assess the situation and perhaps do that.
Does anyone have anything to add?
even though i had said he was a waste, i dont think it would be a bad idea to give it a last shot. then if it goes badly u can honestly say u've done everything.
hope it goes how u want though
make sure u dont get hurtReply 13
Anonymous
Okay, I'll attempt to keep this brief even though I could write an essay on everything that's happened. Also, before I say anything, can I just state that I'm not usually the sort of person to start these types of threads? Usually I'm really quite decisive and have lots of family/friends who can help me weigh up pros/cons. I kind of need people who are impartial to help me with this though so any replies are greatly appreciated!
Basically, I've had this on/off 'seeing each other' thing going on with a guy for around a year now. I'll bullet point events to keep them easy to read
Sept
- Broke up with his long-term gf and went on a date with me just before I left for uni
- Both decided to 'keep things casual' (this isn't very 'me' but I decided to give it a go) as it was long-distance
- He decided he wasn't ready for a new relationship and called it off
- Got back with his ex
Xmas
- Broke up with his gf - said it was a mistake and totally over now
- Spoke to me A LOT whilst at home
- Nearly progressed to 'seeing each other again' but not quite
Easter
- Slept together and saw each other loads
- He still wasnt ready for a new relationship so said he'd rather be friends
Summer
- Saw each other a lot over 2 weeks
- I told him I couldn't get involved with him again as I always get hurt
- He said he was only trying to be mates by seeing lots of me and talking to me loads and that he didnt want anything more as he still wasn't ready
So, I got over it - have hardly spoken to him whilst being on holiday and kept things really cool. Went out with him last night and he was saying he still has feelings for me and has changed etc. So I told him it wasn't fair for him to tell me that and he was like 'okay just being nice'.
Right, so my question is: Do I send him a message explaining how I'm feeling? My logic is telling me to steer clear as I'll only get hurt again and we're better off as friends, but the rest of me is wondering whether we could make a proper go of things now, if he's really sorted his head out...
Shall I message him and tell him what I'm thinking to see what he says? Or do I go back to uni wondering if we could have made it work this time?
Thanks guys! xx
Basically, I've had this on/off 'seeing each other' thing going on with a guy for around a year now. I'll bullet point events to keep them easy to read
Sept
- Broke up with his long-term gf and went on a date with me just before I left for uni
- Both decided to 'keep things casual' (this isn't very 'me' but I decided to give it a go) as it was long-distance
- He decided he wasn't ready for a new relationship and called it off
- Got back with his ex
Xmas
- Broke up with his gf - said it was a mistake and totally over now
- Spoke to me A LOT whilst at home
- Nearly progressed to 'seeing each other again' but not quite
Easter
- Slept together and saw each other loads
- He still wasnt ready for a new relationship so said he'd rather be friends
Summer
- Saw each other a lot over 2 weeks
- I told him I couldn't get involved with him again as I always get hurt
- He said he was only trying to be mates by seeing lots of me and talking to me loads and that he didnt want anything more as he still wasn't ready
So, I got over it - have hardly spoken to him whilst being on holiday and kept things really cool. Went out with him last night and he was saying he still has feelings for me and has changed etc. So I told him it wasn't fair for him to tell me that and he was like 'okay just being nice'.
Right, so my question is: Do I send him a message explaining how I'm feeling? My logic is telling me to steer clear as I'll only get hurt again and we're better off as friends, but the rest of me is wondering whether we could make a proper go of things now, if he's really sorted his head out...
Shall I message him and tell him what I'm thinking to see what he says? Or do I go back to uni wondering if we could have made it work this time?
Thanks guys! xx
A part of me wants to give you a very detailed advise...however, I am a little tired and exhausted...
Bottom line: PROTECT YOUR EMOTIONS and stay away from him or if you can do it, just remains friends.....but it doesn't sound like you can handle just being friends--so stay away.
Goodluck
Reply 14
int_applicant
A part of me wants to give you a very detailed advise...however, I am a little tired and exhausted...
Bottom line: PROTECT YOUR EMOTIONS and stay away from him or if you can do it, just remains friends.....but it doesn't sound like you can handle just being friends--so stay away.
Goodluck
Bottom line: PROTECT YOUR EMOTIONS and stay away from him or if you can do it, just remains friends.....but it doesn't sound like you can handle just being friends--so stay away.
Goodluck
Aww well thanks for nearly doing it - if you feel like it I'm no going to stop you! But if you're tired it's better to sleep
Yeah, I know I should be following what my head is saying about him hurting me again but I feel like we're too compatible to let him go without trying again. But I fall really hard for him everytime so not sure if I can try something casual again
Thank you
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