I recently go into a relationship 3 months before going to uni and for both of us it got more serious then we thought it would and i've left to go to a uni a couple of hours away last week.
I don't want this to be the end of this relationship but my gf wants me to be back home or to consider changing course/ or uni but she doesn't think a long distance relationship would work cause she says it'd put too much strain on her but I can't just get up and leave this uni - there are no more courses where I live which are the same of this one and the decision to come here was made before we got together
can anyone provide any alternatives we could do or any help please
sorry about no punctuation im writing this early in the morning while upset, ill and tired out of my skull
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Uni and Girlfriend Help(LDR) watch
- 25-09-2010 10:34
- 25-09-2010 13:40
you don't want to leave uni, she wants you to
i cant see a ldr lasting if you both want different things
im not saying break up, but you cant just leave uni for someone
personally i couldnt make a ldr relationship last at uni, and seeing other people struggle to do so has only reinforced this
- 25-09-2010 14:23
In addition now she has asked if she should move up to where i am and attempt to get a transfer of uni but our relationship is only end in the beginning cause we both tried to not get attached - i don't know whether to encourage her and make her happy and be able to see her or to discourage her and make her stay at the uni she doesnt want to go to as it was her insurance and by some strange loophole couldnt get into her firm though she got her grades, im trying to think what would be better for her education (the reason she is at uni) and find out all the different things that would be needed for transferring cause I dont think it is an easy process and the moving all her stuff wouldnt be easy either - guess im trying to look for something else i can put the blame on why we cant be together though we want to
- 25-09-2010 14:44
Im in a similar situation but there is no way I would change uni for someone else, especially something as new as 3 months. If you do and it doesnt work out you could regret it for the rest of your life, its not worth it imo.
I totally understand that you want to be together but that doesnt mean you have to see each other everyday. She can come one weekend and you go to her another. Yes it will be hard but if you like each other enough it will be worth it but I dont believe either of you should change uni to be together, at least not before trying out this LDR stuff. You arent really that far from each other, whats a couple of hours on a train....
You need to give it more time, think it through completely, its a huge commitment considering youve not been together long.
Sorry thats not very helpful but im trying to figure this out too haha. Its so hard!
- 25-09-2010 14:54
- 25-09-2010 15:45
Your girlfriend is being completely out of order here. She cannot ask you to transfer uni and then in the next breath say that travelling a couple of hours to see you will put too much strain on her. Does she have ANY idea what transferring uni would entail? New course - because courses are not the same from uni to uni and you might find that another course is not right for you - new city or town, new house or flat, new friends. Why sacrifice your current life for a girl you have been with for three months? She is being incredibly selfish and unrealistic here and it sounds like she doesn't have a great deal of respect for the things in your life besides this relationship.
- PS Helper
- 25-09-2010 15:49
You can't date a girl for three months then completely change your career plans for her. That's so unreasonable. Also, you guys havn't even tried doing a LDR yet? At least give it a go before you decide it'll be too hard.
- 25-09-2010 15:51
Break it off..
- 25-09-2010 15:56
Break up with her she sounds mental. Also don't even think about changing uni for her, it's been 3 months for crying out loud. If she was that crazy about you she would try her hardest to make a LDR work if you wanted to stay together and would want to put your happiness first by ensuring you stayed at the uni you wanted to go to and that is best for you.
- 25-09-2010 16:49
Just speak to her and give it a try by living your own lives at different unis, whilst regularly speaking online, phone and seeing each other on a monthly basis? LDR can work even if you're still quite fresh, just try it and you never know, you might end up being happily in love together till you die
One year will pass so quickly, you have a long summer holiday where you can be together.
Seriously just give it a go, if it doesn't work then so be it.
- 25-09-2010 18:16
I know it sounds bad but its not the travelling its the waiting between seeing each other for her and she doesnt want to try LDR at all cause she like many people don't believe they can work at all
- 25-09-2010 20:57
It's only been three months. LDRs suck, especially at uni, and don't often work (ask anyone in their 2nd year of uni how many LDR couples are still together). Changing uni for someone you've been dating for three months would be mental.
Just break it off.