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Ex Girlfriend. Current Girlfriend. What Do I Do? Watch

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    I split up with my ex about 18 months ago, she cheated. She has regretted it since day one but we parted ways and that was that.

    My ex has recently got in touch and wants to be friends. She's pregnant and very down. Her ex boyfriend was hitting her and stuff and she has really gone of the rails a little.

    I spent 5 years with her and I feel really sorry for her. I want to help her out. She supported me with money and housing when I was studying and had no money and I want to repay the favor even though we are not together.

    The problem is, it feels like I am sneaking around with my current girlfriend. I want to be honest and tell her but I think she would hit the roof.

    I'm not the sort of person to tell my ex to do one. She has nobody there for her, and I want to be there for her as a friend.

    I'm not sure my girlfriend would see it that way. Whichever way this turns out I am going to look like a selfish idiot to one of them.

    Is it right to be good friends with an ex? And how can I put this across to my current girlfriend?
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    You can still be a friend for your ex, as long as it's just a friend. Make sure your girlfriend knows about this though. She will understand, if she doesn't, sit her down, explain and if she still doesn't, then meh, she probably isn't even worth it...
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    Explain to your girlfriend. Your ex probably needs all the friends she can get.
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    (Original post by MarmiteOnToast)
    Explain to your girlfriend. Your ex probably needs all the friends she can get.
    Yeah I agree. We spent a long time together and I can't help but care for her. She's really upset at the moment and keeps thanking me for being friends. She wants me to go shopping for the baby with her today, but my girlfriend is coming back from her friends in a couple of hours. I have to explain this to my girlfriend.

    The situations I get myself into

    I just want to be a goof friend and a good boyfriend.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah I agree. We spent a long time together and I can't help but care for her. She's really upset at the moment and keeps thanking me for being friends. She wants me to go shopping for the baby with her today, but my girlfriend is coming back from her friends in a couple of hours. I have to explain this to my girlfriend.

    The situations I get myself into

    I just want to be a goof friend and a good boyfriend.
    You sound like a really, really good person. And I don't think you should be made to feel torn between being a friend to someone who has done a lot for you and a boyfriend to the person you're currently with.

    It's still a difficult situation, though. The best advice I guess we can give you is NOT to sneak around it. Being completely open, both with your current girlfriend and with your ex is really important to making the situation work. They both need to understand COMPLETELY what they can expect from you and hopefully being more explicit about it will help to set boundaries for everyone and establish trust.

    So I'd advise you to talk to your girlfriend about it. Sit down and explain to her that you feel you have to help your friend, just like you have to us. Part of her might feel uncomfortable about it, and you can be understanding about that, but you're doing a really good thing, which you should be commended for. If she can't be mature and accept that then she's probably not going to be around for much longer anyway.

    It's also probably important to talk to your friend. Explain that your girlfriend is likely to find the situation difficult. Make it clear, as I'm sure you have, as tactfully as possible, that you're really only interested in helping her out as a friend.

    Hopefully once everyone is sure of their place in the equation it will go more smoothly. You won't feel guilty and neither girl will feel like she's losing out. Talking about it seems to be the key, though, as difficult as it seems.

    Good luck.
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    Your Ex is an Ex for a reason.

    Keep it as friends and friends ONLY.
    You have a new commitment to your current girlfriend.
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    As long as you tell your girlfriend and assure her that nothing will happen, I don't see it being a problem.
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    It is always right to be friends with an ex, she was part of your life and she helped you in need and made you happy. Why should you ignore her when she needs you that much?
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    (Original post by Ars Ludicra)
    You sound like a really, really good person. And I don't think you should be made to feel torn between being a friend to someone who has done a lot for you and a boyfriend to the person you're currently with.

    It's still a difficult situation, though. The best advice I guess we can give you is NOT to sneak around it. Being completely open, both with your current girlfriend and with your ex is really important to making the situation work. They both need to understand COMPLETELY what they can expect from you and hopefully being more explicit about it will help to set boundaries for everyone and establish trust.

    So I'd advise you to talk to your girlfriend about it. Sit down and explain to her that you feel you have to help your friend, just like you have to us. Part of her might feel uncomfortable about it, and you can be understanding about that, but you're doing a really good thing, which you should be commended for. If she can't be mature and accept that then she's probably not going to be around for much longer anyway.

    It's also probably important to talk to your friend. Explain that your girlfriend is likely to find the situation difficult. Make it clear, as I'm sure you have, as tactfully as possible, that you're really only interested in helping her out as a friend.

    Hopefully once everyone is sure of their place in the equation it will go more smoothly. You won't feel guilty and neither girl will feel like she's losing out. Talking about it seems to be the key, though, as difficult as it seems.

    Good luck.
    Thank you so much for your response. I'm plucking up the courage to sit my girlfriend down when she gets back and just explain to her.

    It's going to be tricky, because we have argued a bit recently because of my heavy workload. I know, it sounds iffy, but I work from home. At least that cuts out the "working late nights ... ex girlfriend" scenario.

    Thank you anyway. I only have 2 options (well 3 if I want to sneak around, but I could never do that).
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    why dont you bring your gf along? this way she can see that there is nothing phony going on, and she can get to know your ex. that way she can actually know what it's all about and tell you whether she's comfortable with it.

    who knows, they might even become friends..
    there's no rule saying gfs and exes must hate one another
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    (Original post by sungirl)
    It is always right to be friends with an ex, she was part of your life and she helped you in need and made you happy. Why should you ignore her when she needs you that much?
    I do agree, I feel so bad for her at the moment and can't sit back and ignore it. I'm just a little scared about what the girlfriend thinks. That's why I asked. Thanks for the response.
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    Just make sure they both now where they stand and make it completly clear to your ex that you want to be friends but nothing more and tell your gf about why it is that you feel like you need to repay the favour, she might understand a bit more why you need to do this, and this may sound like a wild idea but maybe if you, your gf and your ex get together at some point so your gf can meet her and if you like mark her territory on you so your ex knows your serious as a couple. Afterall you would introduce your gf to your other friends im sure and if you dont it might look like your hiding something from her, good luck and rememeber girls do get mardy and hormonal about things just be calm and explain clearly where the lines are drawn etc the key is reassurance x
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    (Original post by poplolly)
    why dont you bring your gf along? this way she can see that there is nothing phony going on, and she can get to know your ex. that way she can actually know what it's all about and tell you whether she's comfortable with it.

    who knows, they might even become friends..
    there's no rule saying gfs and exes must hate one another
    This is true. I was thinking about this.

    There is an issue at the moment. My ex probably wouldn't be up for that because she's in her late stages of pregnancy, and is a very nervous girl. Any anxiety/stress can't be good for her.

    My girlfriend probably wouldn't want to meet her, at least not yet. But, I was going to suggest this to both of them over time.
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    (Original post by Emma.x)
    Just make sure they both now where they stand and make it completly clear to your ex that you want to be friends but nothing more and tell your gf about why it is that you feel like you need to repay the favour, she might understand a bit more why you need to do this, and this may sound like a wild idea but maybe if you, your gf and your ex get together at some point so your gf can meet her and if you like mark her territory on you so your ex knows your serious as a couple. Afterall you would introduce your gf to your other friends im sure and if you dont it might look like your hiding something from her, good luck and rememeber girls do get mardy and hormonal about things just be calm and explain clearly where the lines are drawn etc the key is reassurance x
    Thank you for the response. I really appreciate the advice you lot are giving me
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you for the response. I really appreciate the advice you lot are giving me
    its what TSR is here for
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I do agree, I feel so bad for her at the moment and can't sit back and ignore it. I'm just a little scared about what the girlfriend thinks. That's why I asked. Thanks for the response.
    You should tell your gf about her, her situation and that you want to help her. She should understand that and not be jealous or hit the roof because you want to help her. If she's a kind, rational and down to earth person she will not argue with you. But it depends of you too, your talking skills and the way you deliver the news.
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    Suck a tricky situation, but I agree with other people that you should help your ex-girlfriend. The main point I'm saying that is because she has done a lot for you in the past, and it's only right to help her when she's in need now. If I was your girlfriend, truthfully I wouldn't feel over the moon about the situation but I'd understand, and would actually think you a worse person if you didn't do anything.

    Just be honest, and make the situation clear to both of them. And yes, I agree with the poster above who said it's a good idea to introduce them to each other. Hopefully your girlfriend would see from that there is nothing to worry about.
 
 
 
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