Turn on thread page Beta

I think my mum is having an affair =( watch

    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by alissasantiago)
    Thankgod! Someone else, I always thought it was just me being a dumbass, aha.
    http://www.johnsadowski.com/big_spanish_castle.html

    I got it after I went on this
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by fire2burn)
    Good for her! Do you not think it unfair on your mother to subject her to forced unhappiness and never allow her to experience proper feelings for someone she loves?
    That's not an incentive for her mum to go and cheat, her mum should just divorce her dad, fair enough shes been forced into this marriage and shes a grown up woman, she has a choice, shes not happy then get out the marriage. Cheating is not the solution, its wrong and what example is she setting to her children?
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Follow but be careful... perhaps bring someone else along with you?

    What if he isn't local?
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SilverDoe21)
    http://www.johnsadowski.com/big_spanish_castle.html

    I got it after I went on this

    I got it now!!:woo: :yep:


    can someone explain why that happens.:zomg:
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by fire2burn)
    Good for her! Do you not think it unfair on your mother to subject her to forced unhappiness and never allow her to experience proper feelings for someone she loves?
    I understand her situation too but is it right doing it behind everyone's back? She is still married for god sake. They should get divorced then she can have the right to say she is seeing another man.

    How do I know this guy is just having fun/using with her? She is basically getting money and support off my dad yet to fill her most likely sexual desires she is seeing another guy.

    If she was single on the other hand, I would be much more happy about it being a relationship, which she rightfully deserves...not a sexual object??
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by hali0112)
    I agree with this. although I can see that on the surface it seems like she is doing a really bad thing. try and think of it from her perspective...she deserves to be happy too. you need to find out the truth for yourself. don't confront her about it yet as it will just cause more problems. follow her and see what is going on. don't judge her too harshly by this if it turns out to be true. she probably thinks that this is the best thing for everyone. she cannot divorce your dad as then she will be breaking up your family and be judged by other family members but if she stays faithful she is staying in an unhappy marriage for life. so whatever she does she will be hurting someone. remember though that she is still the same person she always was. she is still your mother. good luck OP.

    They should get divorced on the merit that both partners do not get on simple as. I'm sure they wouldn't be judged as harshly.

    I'll paste this to you aswell to indicate how I feel -

    I understand her situation too but is it right doing it behind everyone's back? She is still married for god sake. They should get divorced then she can have the right to say she is seeing another man.

    How do I know this guy is just having fun/using with her? She is basically getting money and support off my dad yet to fill her most likely sexual desires she is seeing another guy.

    If she was single on the other hand, I would be much more happy about it being a relationship, which she rightfully deserves...not a sexual object??
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Casshern1456)
    I got it now!!:woo: :yep:


    can someone explain why that happens.:zomg:
    Pretty cool eh? :lol:

    It makes you dizzy after a while though :erm:
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by b_raza)
    That's not an incentive for her mum to go and cheat, her mum should just divorce her dad, fair enough shes been forced into this marriage and shes a grown up woman, she has a choice, shes not happy then get out the marriage. Cheating is not the solution, its wrong and what example is she setting to her children?
    Thankyou. We have a good family, if they were to divorce it's not like anyone will get killed or whatever. I just keep thinking now my mum is only using my dad for welfare and financial support. But she doesn't "hate" my dad if that makes sense. She knows the crap he has been through in his personal life regarding the family business and stuff etc...

    I feel like confronting her eventually. She will either deny it or come clean. But what I'm scared of is what is gonna happen from there after...

    I feel like ****
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thankyou. We have a good family, if they were to divorce it's not like anyone will get killed or whatever. I just keep thinking now my mum is only using my dad for welfare and financial support. But she doesn't "hate" my dad if that makes sense. She knows the crap he has been through in his personal life regarding the family business and stuff etc...

    I feel like confronting her eventually. She will either deny it or come clean. But what I'm scared of is what is gonna happen from there after...

    I feel like ****
    Are your parent s british-born or from back home? I hope it does work out for the best whatever happens. Try not get worried by what the so called 'community' will think, they just feed on gossip like vulture.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by James Hunt)
    Are your parent s british-born or from back home? I hope it does work out for the best whatever happens. Try not get worried by what the so called 'community' will think, they just feed on gossip like vulture.
    Both british born. They are modern parents more modern than you think. I don't care what the community thinks, it's just that from this point onwards my whole life is gonna change...most likely for the worse.

    I was happy being part of a dysfunctional family with the odd arguments. I'm not happy now I feel sick. My dad deserves to know but I can't tell him - i really don't know how he is gonna take it.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SilverDoe21)
    Pretty cool eh? :lol:

    It makes you dizzy after a while though :erm:
    haha i don't look at it once i got it.
    • #3
    #3

    I think some people are being insensitive here. Of course your mother has the right to be happy, but cheating isn't right. I understand exactly where you're coming from your mum and dad really aren't happy together and can't work it out, they should get divorced. Maybe she's trying to protect you all and still wants to hold the family together but going behind your backs isn't fair. I think you've a right to know what's going on- she needs to decide what she genuinely wants to commit to.

    I get what people are saying about it causing trouble etc. if you confront her, but to be completely honest, it's going to cause trouble either way. When my dad had an affair, the truth only came out over a year after he'd walked out on my mum, which made it harder for her to come to terms with why he'd left in the first place- it was a whole year of no reasons, of trying to find out what she'd done to make him want to leave. Your mum really should be honest about things- it will save further trouble in the future.

    However, if you or your sister do decide to confront her, there's still a chance she'll decide that it was a mistake and that she's willing to end it with the man. It doesn't necessarily mean that your family will split up. It's a difficult situation from all areas- it's hard on you all but couldn't be easy to live in an unhappy marriage.

    I'd avoid mentioning anything to your dad until you've confronted your mum. Maybe it would be easier if you and your sister did it together? Face to face is definitely better too- it's easier for your mother to try and back out of the situation/assure you both it's all ok when it's really not if it's over the phone or something. I understand that it's a very difficult thing to do especially when you're very close, but leaving this hanging over the family is going to make it very miserable for you all- it's best to get it sorted out soon.

    I hope it all works out ok :console:
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think some people are being insensitive here. Of course your mother has the right to be happy, but cheating isn't right. I understand exactly where you're coming from your mum and dad really aren't happy together and can't work it out, they should get divorced. Maybe she's trying to protect you all and still wants to hold the family together but going behind your backs isn't fair. I think you've a right to know what's going on- she needs to decide what she genuinely wants to commit to.

    I get what people are saying about it causing trouble etc. if you confront her, but to be completely honest, it's going to cause trouble either way. When my dad had an affair, the truth only came out over a year after he'd walked out on my mum, which made it harder for her to come to terms with why he'd left in the first place- it was a whole year of no reasons, of trying to find out what she'd done to make him want to leave. Your mum really should be honest about things- it will save further trouble in the future.

    However, if you or your sister do decide to confront her, there's still a chance she'll decide that it was a mistake and that she's willing to end it with the man. It doesn't necessarily mean that your family will split up. It's a difficult situation from all areas- it's hard on you all but couldn't be easy to live in an unhappy marriage.

    I'd avoid mentioning anything to your dad until you've confronted your mum. Maybe it would be easier if you and your sister did it together? Face to face is definitely better too- it's easier for your mother to try and back out of the situation/assure you both it's all ok when it's really not if it's over the phone or something. I understand that it's a very difficult thing to do especially when you're very close, but leaving this hanging over the family is going to make it very miserable for you all- it's best to get it sorted out soon.

    I hope it all works out ok :console:
    Thankyou. I really do appreciate your advice

    Yeah me and my sister were thinking of confronting her. However I still have the urge to follow her and find out where exactly she is going and who with before we do confront. I think it's an English guy too.

    I just hope when i do confront her sensibly, things will work out..;I'm scared that this is going to turn mine and my sisters lives upside down specially at this age. We are both at university now..

    I am a guy btw
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    We don't know she is having an affair.
    She might have gone out for lunch/coffee when you rang her at work - we all need a break sometime! Or she might've asked for all non work related calls, namely from her kids, to not be put through.
    The texts could be from a really close friend - i say i love you to my close friends, or sometimes just as a joke.

    I mean, okay, she COULD be, but then don't worry about it, because it's not really your problem, this is between your parents to sort out.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Astra_K)
    Leave her to it, dont go causing trouble
    Your pic is awesome!

    OP, if you feel like you need to find out ask her about it. She's not being fair on your father but she does want/need her own happiness.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I've been in a similar position except no one knows that I know my dad had an affair. When I found out, I was angry, I was hurt, I was betrayed. I drove home after finding out during a dinner with someone to demand that my parents get divorced. However, I came home, saw my younger brother sleeping and realised that I couldn't do that to him - destroy the perfect perception of the family that he has so I kept it in and until today no one knows I know. It still affects me. For example, if my father snaps at my mother I just think 'what the hell right has he got to get angry at her for anything when he's cheated', or I think that if my father, the most important man in my life, could cheat on my mother, the most perfect woman in my life, then what hope do I have of a man ever being faithful to me.

    However, these are things that we just have to deal with. You have to decide what you want to do but you must remember that whatever you decide to do has repercussions for your whole family. Would it make you happy to find out for sure what happens? How do you think you will feel in the long run? And the effects on your family? Do you want to talk to her about it? I'm quite happy living in denial, which is easy because my parents, from the outside at least, are crazy about each other. Don't make any rash decisions while you're still obviously and understandably emotionally charged. Sleep on it, calm down and think properly about what the best thing to do is.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thankyou. I really do appreciate your advice

    Yeah me and my sister were thinking of confronting her. However I still have the urge to follow her and find out where exactly she is going and who with before we do confront. I think it's an English guy too.

    I just hope when i do confront her sensibly, things will work out..;I'm scared that this is going to turn mine and my sisters lives upside down specially at this age. We are both at university now..

    I am a guy btw
    I understand where you're coming from- you don't want to jump to conclusions without evidence, but to be honest, I wouldn't advise following her. The only reason I say that is because you shouldn't do anything that she can later hold against you when you do confront her- I mean, if you mention that you saw her at a particular place or at a particular time, she's going to know it wasn't merely coincidence- any added anger/confusion on her behalf will making confronting her worse. You have a right to know what's going on in your own family, so it's your decision- just be careful. At the end of the day though, when a lack of honesty is the problem, it's best to be as honest and open as you can about confronting it.
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by S_123)
    Your pic is awesome!

    OP, if you feel like you need to find out ask her about it. She's not being fair on your father but she does want/need her own happiness.
    Awesome pic for an awesome person.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by sk007_644)
    Let her enjoy herself. My dad banged like 6 whiteys without my mum knowing :eek: :yep:
    Glad he achieved something out of life in the end.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I understand her situation too but is it right doing it behind everyone's back? She is still married for god sake. They should get divorced then she can have the right to say she is seeing another man.

    How do I know this guy is just having fun/using with her? She is basically getting money and support off my dad yet to fill her most likely sexual desires she is seeing another guy.

    If she was single on the other hand, I would be much more happy about it being a relationship, which she rightfully deserves...not a sexual object??
    Although you feel divorce is an option, maybe she doesn't feel that she can? You say she is getting money and support from your dad, I think you are letting your mom down here, she's an equal - maybe your dad earns more.. but she still works and like you said, she's the one you and your sister go to for support. Not only that, as there are 2 children, and you said they weren't a good match, isn't it also possible that during your parents marriage she has felt that she has had to have sex with your father even though she may not necessarily want to. So don't feel bad that you feel she may be using your dad for support and money, she isn't.

    Let her be happy, she probably doesn't want to hurt you and doesn't want the family to get involved.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: September 26, 2010
Poll
How are you feeling in the run-up to Results Day 2018?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.