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    Hiya,

    I have a problem. I just need some good old fashioned, straight and to the point advice from random fellow people on TSR.

    I am 20. I will be 21 in December. I have had a marriage proposal and the guy is amazing. In fact, too amazing. I have the funniest feeling he likes me a lot more than I actually like him. Which is very weird, because men tend to be snow men when it comes to emotion.

    Anyway, I am currently just about to go into my 2nd year @ uni, doing biomed. I planned on never getting married, and never having children until maybe mid 30's. But I met this guy and he sort of changed my opinions on things.

    My question is, well QuestionS are rather: Is marriage whilst studying a good or bad decision? Will I be able to still get A1's and be married at the same time? I am not talking about taking on the 'traditional female and male roles' that come with marriage, it will almost be a like dating but with parent consent. I am ever so confused. If someone could just lay it on the table Pro's/con's anything. Just so I could have some more perspective other than close friends and family that would be great.

    Thank you in advance.
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    Why not? But I'd wait until you graduate to actually get married.

    The cons are that you could grow apart but it's a possibility in any marriage, really.
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    There's no harm in walking around engaged for a few years. I'd wait for the wedding for another few years, until you've survived the "bad" times :p: How long have you been together now?
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    If you're close, and committed, marriage shouldn't change anything. It's purely a symbol of that commitment. If you're worried or apprehensive about it, than definitely wait. It should be a wonderful thing, a blessing, and if you're not feeling totally relaxed about it, then you're not ready yet.
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    I personally do not know how people so young afford a wedding. I am 21 myself but I would never be able to afford the wedding I want at this age. Also I know what type of lifestyle I would like for myself and future family so I would have to know the man I am marrying can support that lifestyle. I have been in a relationship for 5 years and I would love to marry him but I would like to wait a few more years see how things go when we both have proper jobs. I think getting married could distract you as you may be busy planning a wedding rather than studying.
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    It depends on the people! If you think you're old enough, and he's ready, then it's fine.
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    Marry him.
    Divorce are so easy these days+ you get 50% of hsi money.
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    I think it's fine and if you feel you can do it, go for it.

    However, I do think it's concerning you have to ask strangers on a forum on advice whether to marry your partner, it's not a decision that should be influenced by other peoples opinions.
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    Personally I wouldn't get married during uni, mainly because I'd want enough money to have a decent wedding :P; not saying I'd want to spend tonnes, just have some nice pictures and decorations and stuff, even keeping costs minimal weddings cost a lot, so I'd wait until after. This doesn't stop you getting engaged though. I wouldn't want one of those seemingly everlasting engagements, but I wouldn't mind putting off the wedding for a genuine specific reason.

    When you get married, things don't have to change. The way the relationship works could be just the same, and the wedding could simply be a sign of your commitment and love. So it doesn't have to affect studies if you don't want it to. One thing I'll mention though is your SF will be based on his + yours income rather than your parents, if you get SF that is.

    The one thing which makes me sceptical is that fact that you are... you say you have a funny feeling he likes you more. Personally I wouldn't get engaged if I felt like that. The feeling may go away with time, it may not, but I wouldn't want to risk it. Saying you'd rather wait until after uni since it just makes sense is perfectly reasonable and normal, so that seems a good solution for you.

    But at the end of the day, you should go with your gut feeling. If you don't want to get married yet, then don't he should understand. If you do, go for it and don't worry about what others may think.

    xxxx
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    My friends at uni got engaged last december, with the guy being 19 and the girl 20. They're not thinking of getting married until after they've both graduated, got a place together etc etc. But then again, they are living together for their final year at uni - renting obviously.

    I've been with my boyfriend for practically as long as them, yet the idea of getting engaged to just then "wait" really doesn't appeal to me. I'd much rather finish uni and get a house before marriage is even on the cards.

    All in all, it's your decision. If weddings/marriage seems a bit too much right now, consider the idea of a long engagement - so the wedding is on hold until you settle down. You just have to think about how much you like this guy - if you haven't thought of always being together than maybe it's not right for you, I personally can't imagine life without my boyfriend.

    I'm not scared of anything to do with marriage like the commitment, or married life, or being with only one person for the rest of my life and I love the idea of a wedding, but I always get freaked out over the thought of being "Mrs". I'm not as scared as I used to be, but I know that when it's the right time it probably wouldn't scare me as much. Now that's me, and you will obviously feel different, but I advise you to think carefully over everything involved, not because you don't love him or anything, but just in case it's too much right now.

    Also, like kpwxx said, the feeling you have of him liking you more than you like him isn't the best of feelings to have when getting engaged. You may realise over time how much you really love him, but I advise you to figure that out before you go anywhere near the idea of marriage.
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    (Original post by whitepearlbaby)
    There's no harm in walking around engaged for a few years. I'd wait for the wedding for another few years, until you've survived the "bad" times :p: How long have you been together now?
    My thoughts exactly. If it makes you happy, great! But you don't have to rush into the next step right now.

    And maybe talk to him?
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    I'd wait!

    SERIOUSLY!!!

    I was totally in love with my boyfriend (And he me) we were together 3 years before Uni and all of first and second year.

    Then in my 3rd year he ended it. Said he didn't love me anymore. This was after 6 years being together.

    If you love each other then why not wait until uni is finished? You don't need the extra stress of weddings/ engagements etc on your mind. If things don't pan out then nothing will be lost.
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    I think maybe you should wait- not because you're young, but because you don't sound entirely sure of your relationship with this guy.
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    What is his net worth?
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    It's not something I would do. Surely you'll still have a good relationship if you just get engaged and wait a while or even if you say you're not ready to get engaged? I think most guys would understand if you didn't want to commit yourself aged 20.
    • #1
    #1

    1) Do you love him?

    2) Are you living together currently?

    3) If you are living together, how is that going?

    4) How long have you known him?

    Of course you can get top grades and be married - doesn't mean it will be easy because marriage often isn't easy, especially at a young age.

    My boyfriend proposed last year and I said yes. We're not getting married until after university. We have been living together for 1.5 years and it has been brilliant - no arguements, we click perfectly at home, no annoying habits, same tastes, etc. I know it will work but we've had a long time to get to know each other and been living together for a while as well. Plus, we're not 'rocking the boat' by actually getting married until I've finished uni and we have enough money for a truly independent life togther.

    I think it can work - getting married at a young age - but I think there is NO harm in waiting until you are both 100% sure (and thus don't have to ask online) and until you both have the money and means to make a real go of it.

    I've come on here to ask for loads of advice over the years but I didn't have to ask anyone whether I should say yes to my boyfriend. That was obvious to me. It needs to be obvious to you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    1) Do you love him?

    2) Are you living together currently?

    3) If you are living together, how is that going?

    4) How long have you known him?

    Of course you can get top grades and be married - doesn't mean it will be easy because marriage often isn't easy, especially at a young age.

    My boyfriend proposed last year and I said yes. We're not getting married until after university. We have been living together for 1.5 years and it has been brilliant - no arguements, we click perfectly at home, no annoying habits, same tastes, etc. I know it will work but we've had a long time to get to know each other and been living together for a while as well. Plus, we're not 'rocking the boat' by actually getting married until I've finished uni and we have enough money for a truly independent life togther.

    I think it can work - getting married at a young age - but I think there is NO harm in waiting until you are both 100% sure (and thus don't have to ask online) and until you both have the money and means to make a real go of it.

    I've come on here to ask for loads of advice over the years but I didn't have to ask anyone whether I should say yes to my boyfriend. That was obvious to me. It needs to be obvious to you.
    Everything she said :rolleyes:
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    In response to the question in the thread title, only the individuals themselves can decide whether it's a good or bad decision. I'm not sure why society deems 20 to be 'too young' to marry - everyone raises their eyebrows at it when you tell them, for some reason.

    I'd wait until you finish university to actually get married. Organising a wedding is far more stressful than it seems (I was totally unaware of this - it really shows up peoples' hidden selfishness), and it's already a strain on my studies, and has been for a year and a half. It's not affecting my grades, but I wish I didn't have to bother with wedding organisation sometimes.

    Also, you're not jumping at the chance to say yes to this proposal. I don't know the ins and outs of the situation, but hesitation (and you say he likes you more than you like him?) is possibly an indication that you should let the relationship grow a little more. And if he takes a 'no' to indicate that you don't want to be with him AT ALL, then perhaps he's not the person to marry..

    Being married while studying shouldn't be a problem at all though. If anything, it makes you feel more secure, that you have a person to stand beside you while you go through tough times. Personally, I'm waiting until after my degree, in order to give the beginning of our married life my fullest attention, though like I say, it's never far from my mind, even with ~10 months to go!

    EDIT: Also, a point that Anonymous said: the answer to his proposal needs to be 100% clear to you. Admittedly, my fiancé and I had been a couple for six months when he popped the question, but the answer could never have been anything other than 'yes', because that's the way I felt, and still feel. It's been the best part of two years since he proposed, and we now have a home together. By the time the wedding rolls around, we'll have been together for three years - and things are still wonderful.
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    Welcome Squad
    I got married at 21 and I was at uni at the time. I don't see that it's a problem at all.

    The fact that you've said that he likes you more than you like him is kinda worrying though. If it's a one sided relationship you shouldn't be getting married.
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    Well, in this case it really doesn't seem like a good idea at all. How long have you known/been seeing this guy? From the sound of your post, I'm guessing not that long. The "like dating, but with parental consent" comment is strange as well. Are your parents super strict religious types or something?

    I just can't see how getting married at this point in your life would be of any benefit to you at all. Unless the guys a millionaire or something.
 
 
 
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