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    (Original post by Jamie)
    That you can down a Joe Swale in 40 seconds?

    Are you talking about CVs for 'special' people?
    Staple of CV writing guides and interview techniques.
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    (Original post by Retrospect)
    lolwut. Offers? What is this. :facepalm: You've thought about this all way too much.
    By contrast you've clearly not spent a moment considering the content of my suggestions.

    Presumably that's why you'll get to know 10 people who'll wave at you when you enter the student union bar whereas someone who takes my advice could end up with 100 people smiling at them as they walk into the room.

    It's a good feeling.
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    (Original post by Get Cape.Wear Cape.Fly.)
    Throughout my sixth form I was a massive floater
    That is all.
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    OP, you realise when you thought these "kings and queens" were rejecting you, they weren't thinking about it nearly as much as you? They wont think of themselves as the "leaders". You've been burned too many times from being too ******* scared to socialise, and turned into a calculating mess.

    Friendship groups don't work the way you think they do. It's not political, and people aren't nearly as cliquey as it may appear; you have to make the effort to meet them and they'll respond fine. They won't be thinking you're awkward or a loser, they wont be thinking twice about you coming and saying hi; it's just your perception because they don't immediately think of you as a close friend, as compared to their other close friends. You're only just meeting them.

    And the hierarchy thing is bollucks. Some people in any group are closer friends to some than others, and some are close friends with all. That's all there is too it, not some dominating hierarchy. I pity you for feeling that way, but know that just because that's how you see the world doesn't mean that's how the world is.

    This is ******* terrible advice.
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    This is probably a bit too analytical although I do agree with not just sticking with one group and ignoring everybody else. It's nice to know a large range of different people. Just put yourself out there (societies, events etc..) and converse!
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    lol what the hell kinda advice..
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    (Original post by dkuni)
    OP, you realise when you thought these "kings and queens" were rejecting you, they weren't thinking about it nearly as much as you? They wont think of themselves as the "leaders". You've been burned too many times from being too ******* scared to socialise, and turned into a calculating mess.
    I was never rejected, always accepted. Why? I followed my strategy. Was never annoying. Never over-stayed my welcome. Always had alternative friends.

    All I'm saying is extraordinary friend wealth can be yours if you follow some of my advice even if you don't meet friends in the first week or two.
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    (Original post by ghanglish)
    This is probably a bit too analytical although I do agree with not just sticking with one group and ignoring everybody else. It's nice to know a large range of different people. Just put yourself out there (societies, events etc..) and converse!
    Great post!

    It's not like this advice is only for fabulously good looking, charismatic, enviously successful individuals who possess a genius level of Machiavellian intelligence. It's for everyone, tailored for non-alphas who cannot command a friend-group of their own (or someone who simply doesn't want to be tied down by one bunch of losers).
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    (Original post by twl)
    By contrast you've clearly not spent a moment considering the content of my suggestions.

    Presumably that's why you'll get to know 10 people who'll wave at you when you enter the student union bar whereas someone who takes my advice could end up with 100 people smiling at them as they walk into the room.

    It's a good feeling.
    No, I did read your post. All of it. I still stand by the content of my earlier post. Who really cares for 100 people waving at them, or the amount of 'social offers' they get? Just be yourself and try and get involved in a little bit of everything. I don't see why it needs to be any more complex.
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    (Original post by Retrospect)
    No, I did read your post. All of it. I still stand by the content of my earlier post. Who really cares for 100 people waving at them, or the amount of 'social offers' they get? Just be yourself and try and get involved in a little bit of everything. I don't see why it needs to be any more complex.
    Some people like the comfortable old pair of slippers. Advice not for everyone. But my motivation for writing it was to help those who don't make friends in freshers' week and feel like total losers because of it.

    No.

    Chin up, I say.

    You are in the perfect scenario to make a whole bunch more friends than those who "make friends" in the first week.

    And like I said, many "friends" made in the first week are never spoken to again, ever. The first week isn't everything. Be patient and you will find friends.
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    (Original post by twl)
    My experience: I feel like I have experienced three fresher's weeks: my first year, my third year and my first year post-grad. (I count the third year as a fresher's week because I was in a halls of residence which served mainly first year undergraduates).

    1. Remember it's not the only week or two weeks in the year and definitely not the best week in your first year. For example, you should enjoy the week of halloween more.

    2. Don't commit to being best friends in fresher's week, you'll regret it. (Not talking about gfs and bfs, just regular friends).

    3. In fresher's week if you have a choice between hanging out with your course mates or friends from accommodation or club, you must hang out with your non-course mates. This should be obvious, you'll get to know your course mates in good time because you are on their course but those who are not are harder to meet.

    5. At least three people you meet and become friends with in fresher's week you will never speak to again after fresher's week. Ever.

    6. If you commit too early you may discover you are hanging out with a group that on closer inspection is a social embarrassment to you, or a group in which you always get **** on. These socially inept, crass or loutish individuals who take you for a friend could come back to haunt you again, again, again and again, when you least expect years down the line. So NEVER commit to ONE group of friends in the first week.

    7. If you haven't immediately found a group to hang out with make yourself scarce. Don't just stand there like an idiot - GO. Out. Library. Back to your room. Shopping. Be purposeful about disappearing - it'll look like you're doing something. There are better weeks than fresher's week.

    8. If you try to hang around groups who have already appeared to have "made friends" you'll feel awkward, shut out and totally embarrassed when they shun you. If there is an undetected ***** or prick amongst them this could damage your confidence for the whole year. In any case you will look needy and uncool and other groups who witness your failed attempt to get into that group will be wary of you.

    9. People ALWAYS make mistakes choosing friends in fresher's week so you'll soon enough be approached to become friends in weeks 3,4 and 5, as first groupings split up, merge. Etc. if you don't make friends in week 1 or 2.

    10. It can be an advantage to join an existing group of friends rather than be a founding member.

    This is because social groups have a heirarchy, with an established queen or king at top. When you join an established group you'll know immediately who the queen or king is, and the leader will like you a lot because he or she has not had to compete with, and defeat you and your alliance, to become leader. Similarly the underlings of your group will not harbour resentments against you for your role in placing queen or king on the throne, because you were never involved. It's all to your advantage joining an already established group of friends in weeks 3,4,5 or later.

    11. It can be an advantage to join existing group of friends in weeks 3,4 and 5 also because you may get offers from multiple groups. Throughout the year you can hop between offers of parties and nights out. Everyone will like you, people will be saying hello to you where ever you go, and you will know too much. This happened to me first first year. First six months of my first year (my first fresher year) I didn't know anyone, but then I got into one group, and another, and another while keeping contact with them all. Too much social life!


    Hope these help.
    you have a very skewed view on the world. the stuff you said about the hierarchy is nazi like and true for apes, NOT people. trying to dominate others is compensation for fear of inadequacy - feeling the need to subjugate others in order to lower their value and raise yours.
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    (Original post by twl)

    This is because social groups have a heirarchy, with an established queen or king at top. When you join an established group you'll know immediately who the queen or king is, and the leader will like you a lot because he or she has not had to compete with, and defeat you and your alliance, to become leader. Similarly the underlings of your group will not harbour resentments against you for your role in placing queen or king on the throne, because you were never involved. It's all to your advantage joining an already established group of friends in weeks 3,4,5 or later.

    Hope these help.

    Genuinely this is a perfect evaluation of the dynamics of many teenage / young adult friendship groups.
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    (Original post by twl)
    Reality is a harsh, but fair mistress, and a fun one when you know how to play her.

    Fact is, "schoolyard stuff" still happens at university but you will find the dynamics are more sophisticated. It could be a glance, a witty a put-down, a double-edged compliment about someone's clothes, it could be they have more money or sexual experience... in every group there is one individual who has most influence, someone who decides which club to go to, what time, how high up their ass their friends should kiss. Everyone who has ever had a group of friends and is not socially retarded knows this.
    But while this might be true, it doesn't dictate how people should be if they just want to be friends with one person out of the group, be that through a mutual interest or the fact that they're on the same course or whatever.

    I'm sure most people who just want to be friends with 1 person out of a group, aren't going to give a **** about the hierarchy, because as far as they are concerned it's nothing to do with them.

    Dynamics change as we get older, as subtle as it might be, more often than not the b.itches stick together, and people hang out with people they actually like.
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    (Original post by Retrospect)
    lolwut. Offers? What is this. :facepalm: You've thought about this all way too much.
    Totally, it's like dragons' den in Freshers week

    if your friends decline your offers to come out / do something they reply with " Sorry, I'm out" or variants of that
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    Your "good tips" have actually scared me. :afraid:
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    (Original post by Gez1990)
    But while this might be true, it doesn't dictate how people should be if they just want to be friends with one person out of the group, be that through a mutual interest or the fact that they're on the same course or whatever.
    The main thing I'm saying is don't panic about getting friends in freshers' week.

    As the weeks go by some initial groupings will split, new ones will form, it will become easier to socialise between groups, including making friends with one person from multiple groups.


    I'm sure most people who just want to be friends with 1 person out of a group, aren't going to give a **** about the hierarchy, because as far as they are concerned it's nothing to do with them.
    But the hierarchy will influence where that individual socialises. You might want to go one place, but the group is going another so if you want to socialise with this one friend more often you will have to go along with this friend's group.

    Dynamics change as we get older, as subtle as it might be, more often than not the b.itches stick together, and people hang out with people they actually like.
    Over time dominance hierarchies settle and people forget they exist.
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    (Original post by ShnnyShiz)
    you have a very skewed view on the world. the stuff you said about the hierarchy is nazi like and true for apes, NOT people. trying to dominate others is compensation for fear of inadequacy - feeling the need to subjugate others in order to lower their value and raise yours.
    Don't you think there are any parallels between the structure of ape and human society?

    In human groups it's not as simple as beating your chest and yodelling aaa-000-aaa-000-aaah... to establish dominance, I accept that, but there are human versions of that body language.
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    (Original post by HALF PINT)
    Genuinely this is a perfect evaluation of the dynamics of many teenage / young adult friendship groups.
    Appreciate the comment!
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    (Original post by twl)
    Good Tips for freshers' week/s written by a social butterfly
    Social butterfly? You are more of a social retard.
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    (Original post by twl)
    Don't you think there are any parallels between the structure of ape and human society?

    In human groups it's not as simple as beating your chest and yodelling aaa-000-aaa-000-aaah... to establish dominance, I accept that, but there are human versions of that body language.
    Dominance and submission occur in any species. That is where the parallel ends. I know exactly what you're saying, there are ways to appear more dominant; however, putting other people down is not one of them. There are moderately socially adept people like this, but I have never seen a truly popular person do it. Ever. And if I can tell it's an act of covering up fear of inadequacy, then anyone can.
 
 
 
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