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    I can't take any advice seriously from someone who calls themselves a social butterfly. I can imagine the OP would spent the whole day analysing why Joe Bloggs didn't sit next to him in a lecture, perhaps he didn't accept his offer to join his seating plan and chose to sit next to the King instead?
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    (Original post by ShnnyShiz)
    Dominance and submission occur in any species. That is where the parallel ends. I know exactly what you're saying, there are ways to appear more dominant; however, putting other people down is not one of them. There are moderately socially adept people like this, but I have never seen a truly popular person do it. Ever. And if I can tell it's an act of covering up fear of inadequacy, then anyone can.
    Perhaps you should expand your definition of "put down" to friendly jibe at someone else's expense. Those at the top are good at 'em, when they're not letting their closest allies do the putting down for them.
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    (Original post by ghostbusterbunny)
    This is the only bit I agree with in the OP's post. I did this and it has turned out to be a huge, huge mistake. I'm going back for the third time and will be starting all over again; I have to make new friends and everything. Getting tied to one group may seem great because you have a set group that will be there to do things with. But for heaven's sake - make sure you have other places and people to go to should something go wrong. There's nothing worse than things changing and being left with no one.
    So true, just due to life experiences. I've fallen out with (well, chosen to never speak to again because they, to put it politely, suck) with my three closest friends (two were sisters, and the other one was from old school; completely separate). The one from my old school I had things in common with when I was 14. Now I'm 18 and legally an adult, I kind of realised I grew apart and that it was time to end that phase of my life as I was going into a new one. The other two I'd literally knew for roughly a year now (only becoming 'good' friends with them in around December/January). After being made to feel like crap on several occasions with no real reason to back it up, they did it to me a third time and I was like "K, whatever". I've been happier these last few weeks without being friends with them, which I think goes to show how much I was around them for the sake of having someone to be around and do stuff with. I question how much I actually enjoyed their company however. Suffice to say, it's meant that I've had little to do over the past few weeks though apart from buy crap for uni (and watch as my overdraft dwindles into obscurity). Still though, I'm going to aim to make several groups of friends and not get too close to anyone, to avoid hurting myself and others when we realise that our quickly melded friendships actually mean **** all and we think of each other as *****, deep down.

    Don't get me wrong, all three of them are reasonably nice people, at least at face value. Just make sure you've not become friends with people who are particularly manipulative, opposed to going out and finding some friends that ultimately are interested in the happiness of everyone rather than the happiness of themselves.
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    (Original post by twl)
    Reality is a harsh, but fair mistress, and a fun one when you know how to play her.

    Fact is, "schoolyard stuff" still happens at university but you will find the dynamics are more sophisticated. It could be a glance, a witty a put-down, a double-edged compliment about someone's clothes, it could be they have more money or sexual experience... in every group there is one individual who has most influence, someone who decides which club to go to, what time, how high up their ass their friends should kiss. Everyone who has ever had a group of friends and is not socially retarded knows this.
    This has never happened in my group of friends at home, nor is it happening at university. If somebody thought they were superior back home everyone would tell them to shut up being an arse and act normally. I don't hang around with *****y people who put themselves above me, and if this happens at university i will tell them straight.
    Before you try it.. no this does not mean im the 'alpha' of my group... it just doesn't work like that.
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    Thanks for your advice! I really needed it! My week isn't going as I imagined it too...
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    (Original post by Aimes_14)
    Thanks for your advice! I really needed it! My week isn't going as I imagined it too...
    Just go knock on people doors and ask them to go for a beer or if they want to come round for a bit. Join societies and speak to course mates too
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    (Original post by Lauren__x)
    I have a better tip: Don't drink until you're sick; you'll pay for it the whole of the next morning/day/night.

    I agree, although I've 'learnt' this lesson several times, but always seem to forget it.
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    Wow you're overanalysing it.

    Just go with the flow and you'll make friends. If you float too much you'll look like a loner/leech. If you cling onto one group you may end up disappointed.

    I ended up with one Biomed 'crew' and a group of 'T corridor' friends from Halls. I still speak to most of them very regularly since I've graduated!
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    (Original post by Aimes_14)
    Thanks for your advice! I really needed it! My week isn't going as I imagined it too...
    A lot of what happens in fresher's week is random.

    Like throwing a pack of cards in the air, see where they fall. Say, you are an 8 of hearts. You may by chance land next to an 4 of spades, a Jack of Diamonds and a 10 of clubs.

    If you had 10 fresher's week, only very few people would experience the same social experiences on 10 occasions. The rest of us have to fit in where we can.

    Whatever card you are, for an very active fresher's week, you want your card to land next to the highly social diamonds (high spenders) and hearts (sensitive) and try to avoid the less social clubs (fighters) and spades (geeks).
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    (Original post by I<3LAMP)
    Wow you're overanalysing it.
    You mean I'm capable of applying analysis you're not interested in so you want me to stop because you don't want to trouble yourself with trying to understand what I've said.

    Just go with the flow and you'll make friends. If you float too much you'll look like a loner/leech. If you cling onto one group you may end up disappointed.
    I disagree with your analysis to the extent it can be called that. Not everyone can, or should, 'go with the flow'. It just doesn't happen like that unless you get lucky and bump into some really awesome people at your first attempt at making friends.

    I ended up with one Biomed 'crew' and a group of 'T corridor' friends from Halls. I still speak to most of them very regularly since I've graduated!
    So they were 1. those people on your course 2. those people who lived next door to you. What about people who are less lucky than you, they've been given a room on T for **** corridor and they either don't get on with their course mates, or their course mates live in accommodation on the other side of the city? Your advice doesn't help them. Mine does.
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    (Original post by twl)
    You mean I'm capable of applying analysis you're not interested in so you want me to stop because you don't want to trouble yourself with trying to understand what I've said.

    I disagree with your analysis to the extent it can be called that. Not everyone can, or should, 'go with the flow'. It just doesn't happen like that unless you get lucky and bump into some really awesome people at your first attempt at making friends.

    So they were 1. those people on your course 2. those people who lived next door to you. What about people who are less lucky than you, they've been given a room on T for **** corridor and they either don't get on with their course mates, or their course mates live in accommodation on the other side of the city? Your advice doesn't help them. Mine does.
    I can appreciate that you have taken the time to analyse all of this but quite frankly who during Freshers' Wk uses such a strategy? Immersing yourself in the student lifestyle by joining societies and keeping your options open is much better and simpler advice. Making friends is due to effort and chance, getting more involved will lead to more chances at making friends.

    Your (over)analysis could be regarded as confusing and too overcomplicated for those worried Freshers who are more introverted.
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    (Original post by I<3LAMP)
    I can appreciate that you have taken the time to analyse all of this but quite frankly who during Freshers' Wk uses such a strategy?
    Someone who has not been lucky enough to find friends can realise it doesn't matter, freshers' week isn't that important, they can join groups in weeks 3,4,5 or later. They can actually use their lack of immediate friendships to become a social butterfly.

    Immersing yourself in the student lifestyle by joining societies and keeping your options open is much better and simpler advice.
    "Immersing yourself in the student lifestyle" isn't advice. It's a platitude. My advice included being patient and keeping options open and joining clubs and societies. Are you adding anything new?

    Making friends is due to effort and chance, getting more involved will lead to more chances at making friends.
    That's why I would advise people to join societies. But, sometimes you're completely screwed due to your environment and there is nothing you can do but be patient. For those people I say it doesn't matter if this happens to you in freshers' week you can more than make up for it later. If you skip freshers' week you can be advantaged later because you have "no strings attached".

    Your (over)analysis could be regarded as confusing and too overcomplicated for those worried Freshers who are more introverted.
    There is no such thing as over-analysis, only wrong analysis. If you use the phrase "over-analysis" you give the impression that you don't like thinking hard because you are dumb as rocks. You are welcome to disagree with what I've said but there is no such thing as over-analysis.

    To use the pack of cards analogy my advice is specifically tailored to the low cards rather than the Aces, King and Queens. Those with especially dominant personalities will draw people like magnets. The rest of us need to use a bit of imagination and intelligence to land a large number friends and generate many social options. The university environment is perfect for an introverted person to pursue this strategy because you can easily maintain multiple friendship groups - course, residence, clubs, societies, random others etc.
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    (Original post by twl)

    To use the pack of cards analogy my advice is specifically tailored to the low cards rather than the Aces, King and Queens. Those with especially dominant personalities will draw people like magnets. The rest of us need to use a bit of imagination and intelligence to land a large number friends and generate many social options. The university environment is perfect for an introverted person to pursue this strategy because you can easily maintain multiple friendship groups - course, residence, clubs, societies, random others etc.
    you probably spend more time analysing socialising rather than actual socialising. :lol:
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    I was almost with OP until he started talking about kings, queens and underlings, lol.
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    (Original post by ShnnyShiz)
    you probably spend more time analysing socialising rather than actual socialising. :lol:
    Not true. Took a mere 15 minutes at most to write. I'm winging it.

    (Original post by Tallon)
    I was almost with OP until he started talking about kings, queens and underlings, lol.
    I can understand how people are resistant to harsh reality but those who need to read my advice already understand how harsh reality is as they didn't get friends in freshers' week.
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    (Original post by twl)
    Not true. Took a mere 15 minutes at most to write. I'm winging it.



    I can understand how people are resistant to harsh reality but those who need to read my advice already understand how harsh reality is as they didn't get friends in freshers' week.

    No. Actually you're just talking absolute rubbish.
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    And you are, who?

    If it helps one person it was worth it.
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    (Original post by twl)
    And you are, who?

    If it helps one person it was worth it.

    And if it does the opposite? (Considering most posters think you're not giving very helpful advice).
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    (Original post by twl)
    I can understand how people are resistant to harsh reality but those who need to read my advice already understand how harsh reality is as they didn't get friends in freshers' week.
    You really are quite a freak :lol:
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    hmmm....part of me thinks "most of this is BS" but another part thinks about certain people and goes "tbh if you dig deep enough...this is sort of how it is."

    I think your hierarchy stuff can apply, BUT it doesn't apply to every group. Some groups have a clear leader and positions like you say, others really don't.
 
 
 

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