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    Well before i get the whole you should be more social thing, I'm pretty extrovert where i'm from I know a lot of people, good friends with my ex and i have a kinda partner but not as well. I've had 3 months of summer hols finally got to manchester university been looking forward to it so much and god i hate this place i hate it beyond hate.

    I got here later than my flatmates, they're if i'm honest a little bit too posh in fact no it isn't the poshness that's the issue i've been a posh college before it's basically they lack personality or if we're gonna be more considerate about i they have very different personalities to mine which i'm basically never gonna be that close to. How out of 7 people i manage to relate to none i don't know i've always been fairly versatile well off friends, poor ones, girls, boys, english or diff nationalities. Everyone tiptoes around each other you can't make banter without someone taking it personally sometimes.

    All my guy flat mates are taken one's gf comes round loads which makes me miss my bloke they're all dealing very well with being away from home i've already gone home once. I saw a woman dead in the street with a girl and people helping standing over and i was the only one crying, trams, cars, buses, bicycles are always trying to run me over. My phones broke so i have no contact with home and the best night i've had is with a guy who visited from home. When i returned from home (stayed the night) i was refreshed hoping i'd feel more up for it. i went out and some guy basically who i didnt want ne thing further with really, but we'd been on a date was all "i cant deal with getting close so lets just be mates" without going into detail he was lying over some crap which tbh wasnt worth lying over and i got anxious and started crying becos i hate liars like one of the few ppl i'd spoke to turns out to be a liar. so much for making friends, my flatmates kindly took me home cos they were going ne ways (i feel bad for complaining about my flatmates they're nice just not ppl i relate to)

    i haven't gotten anxious in at least 6 months so i'm worried about my anxious coming back, i've spoken to people on the bus or about uni so i am really trying but i cant deal with not having a close friend here everyones all you'll make new people but they're not close friends, old friends. This city is so big and i'm tiny it's horrible and it scares me. A couple of days ago i felt quite suicidal i'm not crying wolf over this I'm not generally a depressed person i havent felt suicidal for four years and it was awful. You see i feel like i have no options in life left I've lived for this point, and now all i want is to get out of uni but if i get out i wont be ne better off it's lose, lose.

    I'm trying to stick this out maybe it'll get better, going a society thing tomorrow my old best mate (we aint friends anymore n she got kicked out i think) used to come home very weekend becos she hated it so much. Also why the **** does everyone drink so much, i've been out a fair bit freshers week (although my flatmates seem to think i never come out 5 out of 7 i wud say isnt bad "omg you're funny when you're drunk aren't you?" thanks people at home found me funny without too)
    but i dont drink in super excess just till i'm drunk where are these ppl getting the money as well? Looking forward to lectures...although i'm betting they're an anti climax too.
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    some of that sounds familiar, maybe when the lectures start you'll get a routine going (which always helps me) and make some friends you have more in common with on your course?

    And going for an early morning swim usually improves my mood, even if I have to force myself to do it some days.

    BTW have you seen your GP about the suicidal feelings before?
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    My GP is the worst GP ever he oughta be blacklisted i haven't applied for one here. It's something to stick out I'm not going anywhere near pills.

    Sorry btw I wrote that when drunk so it's probs a little more intense than it oughta be for a new thread.
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    i feel the same.. and i'm at manchester.. and i'm from stoke on trent..
    crazyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy x
 
 
 
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