Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta

How to deal with this particular housemate watch

Announcements
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    So when I moved house last year a couple of housemates stitched me up leaving me looking for people to live with. I was desperate and accepted the first 2 people who were interested thinking they cant be too bad.

    One of them is though. He is about 30 and has aspergus and it is really hard to deal with him. He will talk constantly until you make an excuse and leave the room confining me to my bedroom when he is in. He only talks about his ex wife, and work and he will begin conversations without being prompted. He talks non stop even when I stop responding to what he says and he leans right in front of my face I assume to check my reactions to almost everything he says. The few times I tried to be polite and join in conversation he spoke over me no matter how many times I tried to get a word in I couldnt.

    The other day I was sat about to watch the football and he came in from work and sat next to me. He started talking about his ex wife and how he thinks she is manipulating his son against him and he literally didnt stop to breathe for the whole duration of the match. I wish I was even slightly exaggerating but the fact is anyone reading this still wont get an idea of how bad it is. I can look away from him and not say a word for an hour or two and he still carries on talking. He sings to classical music early in the morning and has loud conversations with someone on the phone as well a lot of the time. His room is a mess and he leaves teabags in his 5 cups of tea he has a day until they go mouldy.

    I went into his room to clean the mugs out for him and left him a note about the teabags and he had a go at me for going in his room. That is fair enough so I said I wouldnt do it again and that I was just trying to help. He then had a conversation with himself while I was in the other room about how rude I had been going into his room.

    He uses ridiculously big words all the time and that's not me just being thick. He comes out with the most obscure jokes that noone in the world would get and then laughs to himself and watches me to see if i get it. He seems to talk to me more than any of my housemates but I dont know if that is just because they are better at avoiding him. I just dont want him in the house any more and I really dont want to move out. But I cant just kick him out so I am stuck. I have tried to summarise what he is like because if I wrote down everything it would go on forever and I do see the funny side of it some of the time but I really do need help because it is ridiculous.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    1. Put child porn on his PC.
    2. Phone police.
    3. ????
    4. PROFIT.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    genius, he is creepy enough that it is believable
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    :lolwut:
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    He has aspergers, go easy on him, he isn't doing it on purpose. If you can't deal with it then move out.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    It's called aspergers, have some pity, it's not his fault he's socially inept. It's mainly your fault, you have to spell it out for him that you're not interested in his conversation, it's unlikely to even hurt his feelings tbh. You're being overly polite and a bit of a pussy, you should just say "sorry mate, can I watch the match." or "sorry mate i've got to go" or "yes mate, you're ex-wife is a ***** change the record"
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I've shared accommodation with a number of people over the years who had various degrees/types of mental condition/disorders (not through choice obviously, I've spent too much of my life living in dodgy bedsits).

    Your home should be somewhere you can escape the stress of work/uni/the outside world, but instead you are coming home and having to deal with someone else's mental issues. It's not your job to counsel him and you have no obligation or duty to listen to his life problems.

    He has limpeted onto you because he has sensed you are the weakest link in the flat: either the most sympathetic or the most polite/reluctant to tell him to **** off.

    Possible options:

    a) Confront him and try to reach some kind of understanding/compromise - I find it's best to approach potentially hostile flatmates in an apologetic manner (as if you were in the wrong, even if you weren't): he will be more willing to listen to your demands.

    Make it clear that you don't want to spend much time talking (you're too tired after work/don't have the time) and would like him to give you some space. You may have to be very blunt about it. Promise him that you'll never trespass again (thereby making a concession to him too).

    In the future, you'll have to be much more assertive (I know it's not easy) and walk away from him when he starts blathering.


    b)Speak to your landlord/letting agent: they are the 'authority' of the flat - at least find out what they would be willing to do about the situation. You don't have to make a serious complaint - they may be willing to have a word with him.


    c) If neither of the above work, you will have to decide whether to make a formal complaint to your landlord/letting agent about his actions (resulting in his possible eviction) or, find yourself another flat.

    Good luck!
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: September 28, 2010
Poll
Do you like carrot cake?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.