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Messed up in the head/depressed and need to sort myself out, advice please watch

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    Just turned 28 a few weeks ago and always been a bit weird but when I hit 21 I started becoming normal, suddenly got a huge amount of female attention, girls asking me out etc but as it all happened really fast I freaked out and turned the girls down.

    Then a family member was horribly murdered and the court case took 2 years to sort and the fallout took about 4 years but still hasnt recovered.

    I just shut myself off from the world since then but randomly had some hope only to crash and burn further down than I was.

    I last had a girlfriend 6 and a half years ago shortly before the murder and it lasted about 2 months, and had sex once since then that was 3 years ago which was a one night stand with this older woman who didnt even want my name and as soon as she was finished rushed me out of the door making me feel worse.

    I have got to the point where I cannot do anything and stay in the house for days at a time, have started a few college and uni courses over the last 4 years and leave each one as get some nasty looks or comments from the 18-21 year old students who pick on me because I am overweight and plain, when the entire reason I look and act this way is because I dont get treated the way I should which makes me stuck in a low loop of self confidence and it hurts me when everyone my age is paired up, or people call me ugly, or pick out my weight and fashion(not much you can wear when you are fat!)

    I have always been even as a kid or teenager the sort of guy people call a weirdo which means I never make friends which makes getting out of this situation far worse! So again I need something to set me off on the right path and support like friends to become normal again but until people treat me normally.

    I dont expect to say go out tommorow and have a big group of friends or get a girlfriend but I want to feel accepted into things so like I have chosen not to do something rather than not even be asked.
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    Obviously you had a right to be down and perhaps you haven't overcome this yet because you need a release? Maybe you could look into counselling or some sort of group therapy?

    Your weight seems to be an issue, so any chance you could join a gym/ sports club? This might take your mind off the bad stuff and make you feel better about yourself.
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    (Original post by KayleeLand)
    Obviously you had a right to be down and perhaps you haven't overcome this yet because you need a release? Maybe you could look into counselling or some sort of group therapy?

    Your weight seems to be an issue, so any chance you could join a gym/ sports club? This might take your mind off the bad stuff and make you feel better about yourself.
    Have been on waiting lists for about 4 years, and had a psychologist interview last year who told me I had no issues and was just a normal anxious person.

    Cant afford the gym, was a member of a cheap one before but was a college one full of 18 year olds staring, even heard people laugh and talk about me a few times I was in i.e "look at that fatty, how can anyone get that big"

    I think weight is one of the biggest barriers but only say that as I havent been thin in 4 years, I spent about £100 on clothes in a closing down sale ina brand name shop, stuff reduced from like £40 to £1 or £2 and got dozens of stuff but its still got tags on a year later.

    I just need some stability and change in my life, without people thinking the worst of me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Have been on waiting lists for about 4 years, and had a psychologist interview last year who told me I had no issues and was just a normal anxious person.

    Cant afford the gym, was a member of a cheap one before but was a college one full of 18 year olds staring, even heard people laugh and talk about me a few times I was in i.e "look at that fatty, how can anyone get that big"

    I think weight is one of the biggest barriers but only say that as I havent been thin in 4 years, I spent about £100 on clothes in a closing down sale ina brand name shop, stuff reduced from like £40 to £1 or £2 and got dozens of stuff but its still got tags on a year later.

    I just need some stability and change in my life, without people thinking the worst of me.

    Why does it matter what people think of you? It sounds to me like you are blaming other people, when it's yourself who is to blame. Yeh, so what if people laugh, point and stare? So what?! I'm certain they too have things they don't like about themselves - obviously so actually if they are at the gym!

    You can't have a stable yet changing life...

    You have to stop thinking the worst of yourself before other people will.
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    (Original post by KayleeLand)
    Why does it matter what people think of you? It sounds to me like you are blaming other people, when it's yourself who is to blame. Yeh, so what if people laugh, point and stare? So what?! I'm certain they too have things they don't like about themselves - obviously so actually if they are at the gym!

    You can't have a stable yet changing life...

    You have to stop thinking the worst of yourself before other people will.
    I just want to go out and not feel judged, at least not in that sense.

    I want to go out and get drunk and have people laugh with me rather than at me again if I act stupid and someone laughs at that its fine.

    I need to feel somewhat good about myself before I can improve instead of say spending 2 hours in the gym for a few days then going outside and someone talking about how disgusting I am.

    I dont want a sugar coated life but I want to feel like theres so much still to explore and do and people want to do it with me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I just want to go out and not feel judged, at least not in that sense.

    I want to go out and get drunk and have people laugh with me rather than at me again if I act stupid and someone laughs at that its fine.

    I need to feel somewhat good about myself before I can improve instead of say spending 2 hours in the gym for a few days then going outside and someone talking about how disgusting I am.

    I dont want a sugar coated life but I want to feel like theres so much still to explore and do and people want to do it with me.
    No one is going to want to do anything with you whilst you have this attitude. People will always say things behind our backs - you can't control that. So take control over what you can... Walk around with your ipod in all the time if you have to.

    Look in the mirror and tell me one good thing about yourself. And I don't want to hear none of that self-pitying bull either. Say "I have good ....." or "I like my ....."
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    (Original post by KayleeLand)
    No one is going to want to do anything with you whilst you have this attitude. People will always say things behind our backs - you can't control that. So take control over what you can... Walk around with your ipod in all the time if you have to.

    Look in the mirror and tell me one good thing about yourself. And I don't want to hear none of that self-pitying bull either. Say "I have good ....." or "I like my ....."
    I'm the OP accessing from my friends account.

    Of course I have good things about myself and can handle people saying nasty things behind my back, but what I dislike is the fact I am treated as if I have no redeeming features by people because of my appearance and their messed up standards.

    Generally if someone says something nasty to me it hurts and I can handle it as I know its just them being nasty but to have nothing to turn to now I am fat and less attractive due to age it means I cant improve.

    Oh and I know I am sweet and kind and trustworthy and mr nice guy.

    I.e I can handle someone calling me weird as long as its not because of their crazy ideas,
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    Excuses excuses.
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    Stop caring so much about what other people think, nobody is out to get you. Also, you could afford the gym if you wanted it badly enough. Stop putting up unnecessary barriers that are preventing you from getting your life on track. If you're worried about how people judge you when you sign onto uni courses then join the Open University. A lot of 'mature' students use the Open University as they don't want to be surrounded by younger people.

    There are many ways you could help yourself to live a more fulfilling and and enjoyable life. Suck it up and stop moaning about it on here. To inspire confidence in people you have to believe in yourself. Girls love confidence in a man and if you want to pursue new relationships then you will need to find some.
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    (Original post by NS17)
    Stop caring so much about what other people think, nobody is out to get you. Also, you could afford the gym if you wanted it badly enough. Stop putting up unnecessary barriers that are preventing you from getting your life on track. If you're worried about how people judge you when you sign onto uni courses then join the Open University. A lot of 'mature' students use the Open University as they don't want to be surrounded by younger people.

    There are many ways you could help yourself to live a more fulfilling and and enjoyable life. Suck it up and stop moaning about it on here. To inspire confidence in people you have to believe in yourself. Girls love confidence in a man and if you want to pursue new relationships then you will need to find some.
    Why do people assume that? You dont know anything about me lets see how you could afford £160 a year for the gym when your income is £40 a week and off that £40 you need to pay council tax, £8 a week towards rent, food, electric and gas etc.

    It's not a case of me having loads of money in then just not spending it, I do enjoy going to the gym when I go as long as its pretty empty or a large gym so I can just be there without worrying people are staring.

    Like I say I dont have a problem with people judging me bar them thinking I am the most disgusting person on earth because I am not thin despite me being a very hygenic person and very friendly and not an idiot.
 
 
 
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