The Student Room Group

Boyfriend at Uni

Heya,

OK, I'll keep this short. My boyfriend is in his freshers week, I am still stuck in year 13. He's out making loads of new friends and stuff, and I'm feeling a weird combination of missing him, and jealousy/worry that he'll meet somebody else and fancy them/cheat on me.
Is this normal?
I feel really weird and posessive, I want him to go out and have a good time, but at the same time I want him back here so he won't forget me or go off with another girl. I feel like he's already started to move away, just little pathetic things like the fact that he's stopped writing 'love you' at the bottom of his texts and he hasn't phoned me, little things like that.
Plus I just miss him. He's invited me to the Freshers ball (Friday 14th) but I'm not sure - it'll either make me feel better at seeing him, or bad for seeing him with a load of good looking female friends. It doesn't help that my self-esteem is quite low at the moment as well, and things aren't going as well with my friends as I'd hope.

Sometimes it feels as if I should break up with him, free us both up and move on. But I miss him so much, and I'm pretty sure I love him.

What to do?


EDIT: I literally just spoke to him on MSN and found out he took drugs last night. He used to be completely anti-drugs, he goes away for a few days and starts on weed and poppers. I don't ****ing believe this - its like he's become a different person overnight. I'm so confused.

Scroll to see replies

nonono
Heya,

OK, I'll keep this short. My boyfriend is in his freshers week, I am still stuck in year 13. He's out making loads of new friends and stuff, and I'm feeling a weird combination of missing him, and jealousy/worry that he'll meet somebody else and fancy them/cheat on me.
Is this normal?
I feel really weird and posessive, I want him to go out and have a good time, but at the same time I want him back here so he won't forget me or go off with another girl. I feel like he's already started to move away, just little pathetic things like the fact that he's stopped writing 'love you' at the bottom of his texts and he hasn't phoned me, little things like that.
Plus I just miss him. He's invited me to the Freshers ball (Friday 14th) but I'm not sure - it'll either make me feel better at seeing him, or bad for seeing him with a load of good looking female friends. It doesn't help that my self-esteem is quite low at the moment as well, and things aren't going as well with my friends as I'd hope.

Sometimes it feels as if I should break up with him, free us both up and move on. But I miss him so much, and I'm pretty sure I love him.

What to do?


well last year both me and my then girlfriend moved from 6th form and went to separate unis. we decided to keep our relationship going and it lasted for 8 more months while we were at uni tho in the end we did feel that we had drifted apart somewhat and it certainly did free us up to be separate....

i'd say give it a go.
He probably is cheating on you. If it's any consolation, he's probably too drunk to know what he's doing.

/sarcasm
Reply 3
nonono
Heya,

OK, I'll keep this short. My boyfriend is in his freshers week, I am still stuck in year 13. He's out making loads of new friends and stuff, and I'm feeling a weird combination of missing him, and jealousy/worry that he'll meet somebody else and fancy them/cheat on me.
Is this normal?
I feel really weird and posessive, I want him to go out and have a good time, but at the same time I want him back here so he won't forget me or go off with another girl. I feel like he's already started to move away, just little pathetic things like the fact that he's stopped writing 'love you' at the bottom of his texts and he hasn't phoned me, little things like that.
Plus I just miss him. He's invited me to the Freshers ball (Friday 14th) but I'm not sure - it'll either make me feel better at seeing him, or bad for seeing him with a load of good looking female friends. It doesn't help that my self-esteem is quite low at the moment as well, and things aren't going as well with my friends as I'd hope.


EXACT same thing going on here. :frown: Except for the ball invitation... and my friends are ok.
:hugs:
Reply 4
how long have the two of you been together? it doesnt seem to me like weed and poppers are so bad in the scheme of things, im in the same yr as you but know alot of ppl at uni and compared to things they could be doing (ie crack, e etc) its not too bad. i reckon you should go to the ball, spending time with him will help you become close. is the uni far away? i know people who have stayed long distance at uni for 2 years and theyre still going strong!! so dont give up altogether, so soon.
Reply 5
nonono
Heya,

OK, I'll keep this short. My boyfriend is in his freshers week, I am still stuck in year 13. He's out making loads of new friends and stuff, and I'm feeling a weird combination of missing him, and jealousy/worry that he'll meet somebody else and fancy them/cheat on me.
Is this normal?
I feel really weird and posessive, I want him to go out and have a good time, but at the same time I want him back here so he won't forget me or go off with another girl. I feel like he's already started to move away, just little pathetic things like the fact that he's stopped writing 'love you' at the bottom of his texts and he hasn't phoned me, little things like that.
Plus I just miss him. He's invited me to the Freshers ball (Friday 14th) but I'm not sure - it'll either make me feel better at seeing him, or bad for seeing him with a load of good looking female friends. It doesn't help that my self-esteem is quite low at the moment as well, and things aren't going as well with my friends as I'd hope.

Sometimes it feels as if I should break up with him, free us both up and move on. But I miss him so much, and I'm pretty sure I love him.

What to do?


EDIT: I literally just spoke to him on MSN and found out he took drugs last night. He used to be completely anti-drugs, he goes away for a few days and starts on weed and poppers. I don't ****ing believe this - its like he's become a different person overnight. I'm so confused.


I know exactly how you're feeling, im in the same position as you, apart from the drug thing, and the ball invite! i think things will improve when your b/f has settled in and freshers week is over. i feel worried and jealous, and all the same things as you but im sure it will pass. it was always going to be difficult in the begining but im sure things will settle down.
i understand about how you hate the little things changing aswell. i havnt spoken to my boyfriend as much as i wouldve liked to because he's been out all the time but honestly once the first month or so is over im sure things will get better. i'm prepared to wait for my b/f to settle into a routine and then i believe things will be fine. i would love to speak to my b/f more but i realise that he HAS to go out and meet all the new people and have all the new experiences because thats what uni is about.
just try to give him time and space and wait for him to come to you, im not going to be all pushy right now because i think my b/fr has such a lot to cope with, with all the new suroundings and the new people etc, that having to phone me every evening and text me all the time would put too much pressure on him.
remember how much he is having to take in, it's bound to take time!
if you ever are stressed we can cry together!! pm me!
lady xxx

edit: oh and go to the ball! id jump at the chance to go! you'll be able to meet all his friends and he'll be able to reasure you that he fancies none of them!
Reply 6
I was in this situation last year, minus invitation and drugs.

I still called him, if he was busy he'd say. Or if he was out, he'd say. He'd always call me before he went to sleep though, I knew he was having a good time, so I tried not to be too posessive over him.

It blew over, things got normal. I carried on ringing etc and as a result, sometimes he'd be studying with friends, I got to be v good friends with them.

Give him a chance, give him a bit of space :smile:
nonono
Heya,

OK, I'll keep this short. My boyfriend is in his freshers week, I am still stuck in year 13. He's out making loads of new friends and stuff, and I'm feeling a weird combination of missing him, and jealousy/worry that he'll meet somebody else and fancy them/cheat on me.
Is this normal?
I feel really weird and posessive, I want him to go out and have a good time, but at the same time I want him back here so he won't forget me or go off with another girl. I feel like he's already started to move away, just little pathetic things like the fact that he's stopped writing 'love you' at the bottom of his texts and he hasn't phoned me, little things like that.
Plus I just miss him. He's invited me to the Freshers ball (Friday 14th) but I'm not sure - it'll either make me feel better at seeing him, or bad for seeing him with a load of good looking female friends. It doesn't help that my self-esteem is quite low at the moment as well, and things aren't going as well with my friends as I'd hope.

Sometimes it feels as if I should break up with him, free us both up and move on. But I miss him so much, and I'm pretty sure I love him.

What to do?


EDIT: I literally just spoke to him on MSN and found out he took drugs last night. He used to be completely anti-drugs, he goes away for a few days and starts on weed and poppers. I don't ****ing believe this - its like he's become a different person overnight. I'm so confused.



Just give it a go, I was in that situation a few years ago and my bf at the time was going out, partying etc. he needed time to adjust. I gave him 2 weeks before I went to visit and then realised things were not as bad as I had imagined them to be, seriously when you go you will realise. I am quite a jealous person too so I knw what it is like, you have to take control of your emotions, try and keep your mind occupied by something else, treat yourself, go shopping. When my bf was away at uni gave me a chance to make my friendships at home stronger, it was a learning curve, still people are faced with similar issues throughout their lives.

Look on the positive though he has invited you to freshers fayre which means all his friends knw abt you and you will soon meet them. Have a great time,be yourself and you will have fun.

Take Care :biggrin:
Reply 8
throw the ball into his court. the drugs thing is a bit of a shame, only because, as you say, he was all anti-drugs beforehand. i'd play it cooler than cool (ice cold!!!), and just ease off with the texting and calling. not breaking up or anything, because that's a very drastic measure to take in a lot of circumstances, but let him start to miss you and get all worried; that could prevent him from taking any further type of drugs (maybe). if you do play, you should still tell him how you're disappointed and annoyed about what he did, but leave it to him to apologise and chase you etc.
Reply 9
first of all i'd definately go to the ball- get to know his friends and that way you'll feel more included.

just give it time, my bf and me nearly split up when i started uni (he started like a month later) because he felt really left out, but then we sorted things out and they're still great now... just talk to him, tell him that you're worried he's forgetting about you etc.

but take the ball thing as a good sign... it would seriously be the best night of the year to pull and he's asked you so he's obviously not planning on cheating

lou xxx
when your other half goes to uni it's always difficult, my boyfriend and friends are at uni whilst i'm on a year out and it's really weird. they're all always so so busy and never seem to have time for me, but it's what you have to do. my friends are all trying to make new friends and my boyfriend is concentrating on his last year. i think you should tell him how you feel, just so he can reassure you that things between you are ok, and do go to the ball so you can see his new friends and what it's like for him at uni. don't stress about him finding someone else, trust is really important so you should trust that he won't be after someone else. the drugs thing....there's so much new stuff going on at uni maybe he was just experimenting and it was a one-off, you shouldn't assume he';s now totally changed, it could just be a bit of a blip along the way :smile:
uni is totally different to school (so i'm told, haven't gone yet!) so be patient with him and let him get into the swing of things :smile:
Reply 11
poppers and weed are *almost* legal, its not really anything to worry about if he was just trying them. Most 12 year olds probabley have these days!
Reply 12
im on work placement at the moment, my girlf has been at uni for 3 weeks now, and i am a jelous guy because i know what some blokes are like. But we speak most days text each other every day and msn when we can.
i trust her 100% and have been down once already, she talks bout all these guys shes met, me thinking they are out for one thing, but they are all really nice blokes, n im sure they will look after her if shes in trouble.

she always texts me before she sleeps so i know shes ok.

uni is bound to change him, but u have to make a couple of adjustments if u want to make it work.
nonono
Heya,

OK, I'll keep this short. My boyfriend is in his freshers week, I am still stuck in year 13. He's out making loads of new friends and stuff, and I'm feeling a weird combination of missing him, and jealousy/worry that he'll meet somebody else and fancy them/cheat on me.
Is this normal?
I feel really weird and posessive, I want him to go out and have a good time, but at the same time I want him back here so he won't forget me or go off with another girl. I feel like he's already started to move away, just little pathetic things like the fact that he's stopped writing 'love you' at the bottom of his texts and he hasn't phoned me, little things like that.
Plus I just miss him. He's invited me to the Freshers ball (Friday 14th) but I'm not sure - it'll either make me feel better at seeing him, or bad for seeing him with a load of good looking female friends. It doesn't help that my self-esteem is quite low at the moment as well, and things aren't going as well with my friends as I'd hope.

Sometimes it feels as if I should break up with him, free us both up and move on. But I miss him so much, and I'm pretty sure I love him.

What to do?


EDIT: I literally just spoke to him on MSN and found out he took drugs last night. He used to be completely anti-drugs, he goes away for a few days and starts on weed and poppers. I don't ****ing believe this - its like he's become a different person overnight. I'm so confused.



Before you know it, he'll have half the Uni. :wink:
What you are feeling is completely normal, its a new situation for both of you and its going to take a while for you to adjust to things being different.

A couple of things that came to mind after reading all the posts above. Firstly, you should be pleased that he is telling you about the new things he is trying- you would have more reason to worry if he wasn't telling you, its a very good sign that he is being so honest. Also, its really cool that he's asked you to the freshers ball, you have every right to go, and you should, you'll have a great time. It shows that he wants to include you in his life at uni, which is great as it means that he wants you to be a part of his life, and definitely bodes well for the future.

You need to show him that you support him (i'm not saying that you're not doing that already), and going to the ball is a good way of doing things. it shows that you are interested in what he's doing and want to be involved.

Ruthie xx
My mate has the same fears about his g'f, even though they've agreed to split to pursue further love interests. It's natural, don't be so worried!
Reply 16
I'm 2nd year at Soton uni and my boyfriend is a fresher here. I've found it hard being so close to him but unable to see him for fear of pushing him away. I am not going to his ball or his fresher events but some nights out we'll be in the same place..but I am really unsure of how to act.

I know how you all feel, it's natural to be worried, i spent most of yesterday in absolute floods of tears worried he was cheating or wanted to break up..it was all unsubstantiated but my mind just kept racing. I saw him in the late afternoon for a couple of hours and felt better, but was so exhausted from all the tears didn't go out and just went to bed last night.

The thing is I felt like last year I didn't have a true freshers experience as I wasn't going out every night as I didn't want him to worry, and I don't think he would do what I did..which is fair enough, I want him to have fun, but I feel a bit unappreciated this week. He's seeing me today which is good as he's got nothing on daytime, I just think I'm being too demanding but i've had a crap year and his support is vital to me.

I think the thing is to be honest about your feelings, and try and just keep sharing things with each other to keep the bond - it's over in a week at least :smile:
Reply 17
just a side-note: it is commonly claimed that poppers are used by homosexuals in order to.. loosen up.
I've never heard that one!!!!!!!!! It's not the business for people to start dabbling in things they are'nt prepared for. The furtherest I've gone is a few spliffs when out on a "mad one" but I wont go no further.
Reply 19
Ah, cheers guys. Spoke to him on the phone a bit later last night and it sounds like he's doing fine. He was all apologetic over the drugs thing, and I am going up for the freshers ball :biggrin: Heheh, but damn I wish I was there doing all this cool stuff with him :rolleyes: