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I am so shy and unconfident :( watch

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    I was really shy and never took part in conversations in case I made a fool of myself, I was upset about the way I looked, talked, walked and everything in between. For me it was something that changed with age I guess.
    Before if my friends would tell me I looked bad in something I would NEVER wear it again, eventually I completely stopped caring, I started experimenting and finally found a comfortable image. I forced myself to talk more and be a bit more open even if I did look like an idiot. It's something that takes a lot of effort at first, you really have to step out of your comfort zone but gradually you'll find people similar to you and who you can be comfortable being 'you' around. Also, surround yourself with encouraging people that make you feel better about yourself. Talk to everyone, especially those that intimidate you, I know it's hard at first but it's a huge milestone...you'll find yourself a comfortable niche eventually
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel inferior to most people. I can't let myself go. I go all tongue tied in social situations. I can't engage in witty banter. I can't flirt confidently. I can't think on my feet. I can't relax. I am a girl btw... I hate the way I am and wish things could change. I am fine around certain people but mostly intimated by guys, over confident people or intellectuals..
    i have exactly the same problem. i always feel that i can never be myself (probably because i'm so eccentric that if i do be my true self people wouldnt want to know me)
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    (Original post by Lemming69)
    i have exactly the same problem. i always feel that i can never be myself (probably because i'm so eccentric that if i do be my true self people wouldnt want to know me)
    I wish I was eccentric. I'm just...dull.
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    You are not inferior. You have to realise that. Your efforts will be in vain if you can't hold onto that.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel inferior to most people. I can't let myself go. I go all tongue tied in social situations. I can't engage in witty banter. I can't flirt confidently. I can't think on my feet. I can't relax. I am a girl btw... I hate the way I am and wish things could change. I am fine around certain people but mostly intimated by guys, over confident people or intellectuals..
    That's because you're ugly.
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    #5

    I used to be just like you but I did as people suggested and did something out of my comfort zone.

    What I did was an extreme way of going out of the comfort zone but I went and performed some stand up comedy as I said it was a pretty extreme step to take but to put it one way since then in the last year I've performed something on stage (Karaoke/Comedy etc.) at least once a week and have generally never been as confident as I am nowadays.

    So just to put it in summary doing something out of your comfort zone really does work.
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    (Original post by Justin Bieber)
    yo babeh babeh baheh! *trying not to sing* i no how your feeling right now, i used to be a lot like you until i got recognised..... be yourself and everyone will like you i bet. i guess your quite shy but i like shy girls your so cute...... i will always love you, always. (Y)
    Jesus Christ.
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    I'm like that too, but I have the added problem of it showing on my body too, usually I just dont say much to stop it from progressing but when I get really nervous I start shaking and feel like passing out. Theres a guy that makes me go that way as he always tried to make conversation so I began to avoid him and give him one word answers and know its obvious he hates me. But I'd prefer that than looking like a shaking stuttering fool.

    So is there any advice from other shakers out there on how to stop that? I wouldnt mind being a nervous wreck if I could control it on the outside.
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    (Original post by karateworm)
    I've been battling this for years, still a big problem, but I've made massive leaps recently. I'm not like it with everyone (I'm often quite mumbly and quiet with people I look up to) but I've been told I have a very confident air about me recently, and I've found my self being able to actually talk to people ok.

    Every time I pull off a conversation, however small... I feel a rush, the feeling of "I can do it!"

    Just keep at it, practise really does make perfect.

    books on prescription, check your library!
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Confidence doesn't magically come when you get older. On your birthday you don't suddenly get a massive confidence boost and then go talk to everyone (well you might if you get really drunk). It takes work to change things, sitting back and expecting it to happen just through the process of aging isn't going to help at all (probably make things worse actually....).
    I didn't mean it in that way. :rolleyes: What I meant was that, as you progress through life, experience makes you better socialised and you become more confident and more relaxed as a result. Being pro-active just speeds up this process and makes you a more confident person in less time.
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    (Original post by Introverted moron)
    I didn't mean it in that way. :rolleyes: What I meant was that, as you progress through life, experience makes you better socialised and you become more confident and more relaxed as a result. Being pro-active just speeds up this process and makes you a more confident person in less time.
    Not necessarily. If someone is very shy and unconfident then where exactly are they going to get experience from? Getting older doesn't mean that you have to interact with people more, if anything ime it means that you can get away far more without speaking to anyone for very long periods of time.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Not necessarily. If someone is very shy and unconfident then where exactly are they going to get experience from? Getting older doesn't mean that you have to interact with people more, if anything ime it means that you can get away far more without speaking to anyone for very long periods of time.
    Unless they had social anxiety and/or were very reclusive, then they are going to get experience simply from being in the social situations that they will inevitably find themselves, life being the way it is. Perhaps it is just a difference of opinion here, but I think simply being in the presence of other people regularly helps someone who is naturally shy to relex a bit more and get used to it. Over time, that will make them more confident and more willing to open up, and the shyness then slowly starts to disappear. I'm not saying that is how it turns out for everyone, but from experience, that is what I have found.
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    I'm exactly the same, but I'm a guy. Still struggling. I find it hardest to talk to girls though.
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    Unconfident is just another way of saying un- 'confidant'.

    Some choose not to confide in people, others more or less have the choice made for them by other people's behaviour towards them.

    It serves a purpose (to some extent, not necessarily a LARGE extent nor 'outweighing the bad' but some extent). It will have its benefits as well as disadvantages. Just find ways to extract every last ounce of juicy goodness from those tiny-feeling advantages. It filters the people who are interested in you for you - for your nature (or your looks). You don't have to change your nature to work out a little bit more if that releases a bit more oxygen and endorphins to give you a slight physical and emotional 'edge'. This is not necessarily a long lasting thing so my post will continue in less superficial ways...

    That 'thing' that , yes, up to 99% of people hate / find weird? The other 1% might go CRAZY about it and want to marry you for it. So crazy that the 99% no longer matter- in fact you' wouldn't want it to be less than 99% because then it would feel less special.

    But do know when it is best to attempt confidence. Regardless of how it makes you feel like you lose status for a small period of time. But don't imagine that shifting your projected confidence up from neutral to fifth gear is going to make much difference with those people who'd be disinterested in George Clooney or Scarlett Johannssen covered in butter, let alone someone who usually sees themselves as unconfident.

    Often it will be other people's fault. It might be 99% of people's fault - you just have to enjoy yourself and see if there is some angle to some other people that is worth pursuing. SOME other people. Not every person. Ignore most people in fact or you will wear yourself out trying. Or are they not 'all that' anyway? If they're not really hot or really talented what does it really matter?

    Try to put yourself in more situations where you are at least an equal- or a superior - to another people. It will give you a sense about the balances of power and how they do not always have to be clear cut unless it is comfortable or even exciting for them to be. I mean - if you were being shown around somewhere by a tour guide there's no harm being the far less confident one for instance. Travel is good for making confidence less relevant.
 
 
 
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