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Too shy- messed up everything with flatmates? watch

    • #1
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    #1

    Please post Anon.
    I have had social phobia for years but since starting university it has got a lot worse. My whole family told me it would be a chance to 'sort myself out' and gave me loads of support.
    The first day when I met my flatmates they were really nice, and we made plans to go out that night. After getting changed and waiting for about an hour I realised they'd already gone. I didn't know anyone else to go out with and felt like my first night had been completely ruined. The next day they didn't even try to think up an excuse and just acted like it never happened. Since then they don't even ask me to go with them and I still haven't met anyone to go out with. Today we got a new flatmate and I felt like I literally couldn't get up and say hello, I just felt so depressed at the thought of someone else being there. Then I heard them talking about how unsociable I am. I feel like I've completely let myself and my family down and am just completely ruining my life and obviously Fresher's Week too. I also feel like I've completely messed up with my flatmates and they'll just think I'm a complete loser now. I don't know how to explain how panicky I feel about new people if they confront me about it without sounding pathetic... should I move halls? Everyone else seems so happy with their flatmates, going out with them every night... is there any way to make up for it?
    • #2
    #2

    ask them when they're next going out, and say to them you'd like to fix things 'cos you know you got off to a shaky start. you might as well make the effort to get to know them 'cos you'll be living with them for at least a year, yes? going to uni's a big change for everyone so hopefully they'll understand
    • #3
    #3

    Next time you're with them, why not tell them "I know you all probably think I'm really un-sociable but I have a bit of social phobia" they might laugh, they might find you strange or they might accept you.
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    I'm in my second year but last year one of my flatmates had social phobia. He bascially just came out and said it on our first day and was like- sorry if I'm seeming unsociable it's just that i have social phobia. It meant we made much more of an effort to include him so i would suggest you maybe do the same.

    i think you're honesty- although it may seem really difficult to do- will make you're flat mates much more understanding. do you're best not to lock yourself away in your room as well and try to come across as friendly and kind person despite being a bit shy.

    good luck, i'm sure you'll be fine
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    I had issues with my hall mates last year. I reckon , try and come clean with them about your social phobia, like everyone else has suggested. But if they **** you over again, screw them, they will just keep doing it probably.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ask them when they're next going out, and say to them you'd like to fix things 'cos you know you got off to a shaky start. you might as well make the effort to get to know them 'cos you'll be living with them for at least a year, yes? going to uni's a big change for everyone so hopefully they'll understand
    The Op should not apologise. He/She said that they were getting ready to go out and the OP wanted to as well, but they had already gone. Nothing to do with being unsocial. The flatmates should have got everyone to go and now they are ignoring him. This is cruel
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    I've got social anxiety. I've been at Uni for I think 4, maybe 5 weeks now and it has contributed to things at times being difficult for me (thought sometimes social difficulty I've experienced has been unrelated I think). Anyway, I've told 3 out of the 9 other housemates I've got that I've got SA. They're the only people I really feel I want to know, and it's made me feel a little better and part of things as a result of it. Personally, I think when you confide in people about stuff, you get closer. Tbf, they should have waited for you, what happened on your first night doesn't seem SA related from the sounds of it, just your housemates not being very considerate. But still, them knowing might make you feel better, and make them go that bit more out of their way to help you out.
    • #4
    #4

    I went through university being reclusive and unsociable. I did the very minimum interaction with people, and my flatmates resented me for it (rightfully so I think). I wish I had taken a year about before uni and just lived on my own for that year.
 
 
 
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