Turn on thread page Beta

Should I lose my virginity for the sake of it/before it's too late? watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Basically I'm 22 and originally had the intention of saving myself for 'the one'. I did not oppose sex before marriage, but I did want to lose my virginity to someone special in my lifetime. I was a virgin by choice.

    However after numerous relationships, it has come to the age where I am beginning to think that maybe I am being silly to hold onto it. I am in uni at the moment and have been able to resist temptation so far. But I am worried that after uni, in a workplace where there will be even less chance of meeting people, it will come to the age where I am 24/25 and I will be viewed as 'weird' to still be a virgin. For each relationship that I have gone into, guys tend to be put off and no longer wait as I have found out. Some of these have also been virgins. I haven't been appreciated or respected for holding onto my virginity, so it has come to the point where I am beginnning to think 'Why bother?' For every additional relationship I have gone through, it has just ended equally as hurtful and making me more vulnerable to meeting another guy who is even worse. The last guy that I was with told me that I was just another person performing 'sexual acts' for his needs.

    Should I just get drunk, close my eyes and get it over and done with?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Up to you, but losing your virginity isn't as much a big deal as people think it is. It's really not that special.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Wait you've had relationships and withheld sex? That's where you may be going wrong my friend. Unless this was like a 1-2 week/month relationship I wouldn't go withholding sex. My ex would have skinned me alive if I didn't give her the goods. In fact we had sex before we even began dating. I'd wait till you're in a relationship, don't just go out and lose it if you don't want to. But people rarely save themselves for 'the one' anymore. It just isn't how it goes anymore unfortunately.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Obviously not. Would you recommend someone else do the same thing in your situation?
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    If you really just want to have sex then do it. It would be a shame to compromise your beliefs because some people are narrow minded but if you genuinely think that it would improve your future relationships then maybe it would be worth it. Generally I would consider someone that discounts a relationship with you just becuase you're a virgin as not worth your time but I know that personally I wouldn't be able to be in a relationship with someone and not have sex with them. If you think losing your virginity would make you happier and that you wouldn't regret it then do it...not necessarily with a random stranger but with a boyfriend that is aware that you are a virgin and that you decided it was not longer worth waiting.

    I don't know if you're sexually experienced in any other way than penatrative sex but I found that losing my virginity was in no way as big a deal as the first things that I did with a guy.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    How is it ever going to be "too late"?
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    There's no rush, think it through properly and if you decide to lose it PM me.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    You will hate sex for the rest of your life.
    Just stick to masturbating till you find someone that you really want to have sex with.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    If you just go into sex with the attitude of 'I'm just gonna lie there and wait till it's done with' then you'll hate it forever. It's supposed to be something you enjoy.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    If you're just doing it to fit in with your peers, why don't you just lie and say you're not a virgin - nobody's going to be able to tell.

    (spoiler: nothing magical happens when you lose your virginity)

    If you genuinely want to remain a virgin for authentic personal reasons then you need to make it clear to any new partners what your position is before things get too serious. If they're okay with that and you're on the same wavelength you should have less problems (communication is the most important thing in a relationship... etc.etc.)

    (Original post by Gez1990)
    Obviously not. Would you recommend someone else do the same thing in your situation?
    Ponyo loves sosuke! :p:
    • #2
    #2

    Well this is the wrong mentality to have 'get it over and done with', it's meant to be an activity to show your other half how much you love them etc. It will never be something you get over and done with. Firstly, there might be attachment, secondly you might get pregnant, thirdly you might get HIV/AIDS.
    • #2
    #2

    I'm going to have a bath now
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Cicerao)
    How is it ever going to be "too late"?
    When she's dead?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    If you still genuinely want to save yourself for "the one", then don't just do it because you think you might not find them...someone who actually loves you will respect you whether or not you're a virgin.
    • #3
    #3

    If it helps, I'm a 22 year old virgin as well and I wasn't saving myself, it's just never happened. My feeling, if I've held onto it for such a long time now, I might as well keep it until something special comes along.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ... The last guy that I was with told me that I was just another person performing 'sexual acts' for his needs. ...
    Also, whether holding out for 'the one' or not, you DEFINITELY shouldn't be sleeping with guys like this. That's a no brainer.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by halfoflessthan50p)
    Ponyo loves sosuke! :p:
    I love my avatar, but stupid TSR is making it so that only subscribers can have .gifs
    Take away the one thing us normal members have...
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    How the **** could it be "too late"?

    Look, stop attaching all this BS mystique to your virginity. Don't build it up to be important because it really isn't.
    Then decide what you want. Want meaningless sex, fine, have it. Want to wait until you're in a relationship, fine, wait.

    Ffs, it seems like people genuinely do not realise that this is their own decision, not one that society makes for them.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    speaking as someone who lost their virginity quite late (19) I would say you shouldnt neccessarily wait for 'the one' but a one night stand would not do any good either.
    Try finding a guy you like purely on first impressions and sleep with him quite quickly, after a few dates. in my case this worked quite well as i felt less pressure and for me it turned into a 5 month+ relationship :-).
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    I respect you for holding onto your virginity because you want to, but a few things about your situation are making me curious. Obviously you have the right to say no to sex, whatever the situation (e.g. being in a relationship with someone) but I find it curious that you have had several 'relationships' - which are quite serious things - and not yet had sex. It's fine for you to have not felt that strongly about these people and for you to have refused sex, but if you didn't feel that strongly, or knew that you probably wouldn't when you first got involved, why get into the relationship? Sex isn't an obligation in a relationship, but I'm afraid that these days, especially as you get into your late teens and early twenties, most people assume that if someone commits to them or is even just seeing them, they will start to have sex at some point. If you're not comfortable with that, maybe you should take things more slowly with guys or let it fizzle out if you know there isn't much of a connection. Wait for someone special.
    The guy who said you were just there to fulfil his sexual needs - well he sounds like an idiot. But that does beg me to ask - and I'm sorry if this is personal - but do you kiss, touch and have oral sex with guys? The latter two are rather suggestive of being willing to go further.
    Ultimately, have sex when you want to, not when you think you should. Finishing uni will not mean your life is over and you will meet plenty of people after. Anyone who judges you for being a virgin is childish, and to be honest, who is going to know?
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: September 29, 2010
Poll
Which accompaniment is best?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.