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Should I split up with bf? watch

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    I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 years and he is the sweetest most supportive guy and looks perfect on paper. If I wrote all he's done for me you'd think I was crazy for even asking this question. He is my best friend, we share hobbies, have holidays booked and semi-live together. But for quite a few months now I have just not felt that I fancy him and have had crushes on other guys.

    I have heard all the stuff about initial excitement of relationship dying down and grass being greener on other side and have tried to adjust. But the other day we were talking, and I realised that if I imagined us split up I didn't feel anything. I could just imagine myself getting on with life. There is so much I would lose out if we split up but is it worth sacrificing the physical attraction for the support and best friend element? I'm so confused about what I want to do :confused: and it doesn't help that I know he would be devasted.

    Any advice or thoughts would be very welcome!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I realised that if I imagined us split up I didn't feel anything. I could just imagine myself getting on with life.
    Are you sure? There's a difference between imagining and it actually happening.
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    I felt this with the guy I was with for 3 years. We broke up and I moved on fine, but he was really upset for months. So, perhaps it really would be ok for you, but it's something you need to think hard about because 3 years is a long time and you may not ever find a connection with someone that easily again.
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    I had the same with my girlfriend over 18 months ago. I broke up with her and she was depressed for an entire year, which made me feel horrible. She's a bit better now, but still says it's completely messed her up. Not a nice feeling, I'll tell you that now, but I'm glad I did it.
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    You cannot stay with somebody if you are having crushes on other guys, or if you feel you don't want to break it up as the connection you have and the close friends connection. If you do not feel hardly anything for him anymore, you need to think long and hard about it, and if your really sure then do it. It will only hurt him more.

    (: xo
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 years and he is the sweetest most supportive guy and looks perfect on paper. If I wrote all he's done for me you'd think I was crazy for even asking this question. He is my best friend, we share hobbies, have holidays booked and semi-live together. But for quite a few months now I have just not felt that I fancy him and have had crushes on other guys.

    I have heard all the stuff about initial excitement of relationship dying down and grass being greener on other side and have tried to adjust. But the other day we were talking, and I realised that if I imagined us split up I didn't feel anything. I could just imagine myself getting on with life. There is so much I would lose out if we split up but is it worth sacrificing the physical attraction for the support and best friend element? I'm so confused about what I want to do :confused: and it doesn't help that I know he would be devasted.

    Any advice or thoughts would be very welcome!

    You know, its *****es like you that make the good guys turn into *******s towards women for a good chunk of their lives or the rest of it.

    I hope you DO leave him and when you find another guy, probably after shagging a few more, you will realise that you could of saved what heart you had left for a guy you 'loved'

    Why don't you save your Bfs time and split? Just tell him he doesn't do it for you anymore and with any luck, he'd become better and earn a nicer girl for him to share his time with.
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    If you really love him, you shouldn't.
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    (Original post by revisionnightmare)
    I had the same with my girlfriend over 18 months ago. I broke up with her and she was depressed for an entire year, which made me feel horrible. She's a bit better now, but still says it's completely messed her up. Not a nice feeling, I'll tell you that now, but I'm glad I did it.
    Same.
    Not saing you should but it worked out perfectly for me, sometimes it has to happen, you learn more. He was upset for like a year, but now hes with someone. I think its made him quite bitter towards me, needless to say, we're no longer best friends. But I don't mind, I'd rather have stayed friends, if he cant be that, then not worth much really.
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    (Original post by HARRY PUTAH)
    You know, its *****es like you that make the good guys turn into *******s towards women for a good chunk of their lives or the rest of it.

    I hope you DO leave him and when you find another guy, probably after shagging a few more, you will realise that you could of saved what heart you had left for a guy you 'loved'

    Why don't you save your Bfs time and split? Just tell him he doesn't do it for you anymore and with any luck, he'd become better and earn a nicer girl for him to share his time with.
    ..ehm..harsh.

    Its not that bad, if the guy really cant accept it, then maybe he should grow a pair and just LEARN to move on. Sometimes, everything jsut isn't enough.
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    Believe you don't realise it till you've split up :emo:
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    Hey,

    Yeah this is a tough decision. Life isn't fair, and someone will get hurt when you try do what's in your best interest. If you stay with him, you will be treated like a queen, but you will always wonder what it's like to be with those more attactive guys. It's a lesson in life you will have to learn, it looks like he's terribly attached to you and might look to go the whole way.

    If you aren't looking to settle and want to have fun, you need to be honest with yourself and to him. If it's only physically you aren't attractive to him maybe you can suggest he hit the gym if you want to try make it work for you or suggest better clothes for him to wear? :-) communication is very important.

    But all joke aside has the spark is gone? are you afraid of commitment? alot of girls complain that there aren't any decent guys out there and they are only after one thing and they can't be trusted etc. etc. but on the rare occassion that a girl is with a decent guy and don't even realise it, they take him for granted.

    Relationships are confusing, but I think the strongest relationships are when you connect totally. It's your choice. Good Luck.
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    I've felt the same thing in the past, but trust me, I felt very differently when it actually happened. Took me a very long time to get over, and I ended up losing him from my life completely.

    Do you actually WANT to break up with this guy? How would you feel if you saw him with somebody else? If the love isn't there, it isn't there, and sometimes people are better off 'moving on' rather than staying together for the sake of it. Talk to him about it, it is still perfectly reasonable that you could remain close/best friends after breaking up.
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    lolwomen. They like whoever gives them attention to be honest.
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    (Original post by HARRY PUTAH)
    You know, its *****es like you that make the good guys turn into *******s towards women for a good chunk of their lives or the rest of it.

    I hope you DO leave him and when you find another guy, probably after shagging a few more, you will realise that you could of saved what heart you had left for a guy you 'loved'

    Why don't you save your Bfs time and split? Just tell him he doesn't do it for you anymore and with any luck, he'd become better and earn a nicer girl for him to share his time with.
    She's a ***** because she can't help being bored in a long term relationship? Right.
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    (Original post by HARRY PUTAH)
    You know, its *****es like you that make the good guys turn into *******s towards women for a good chunk of their lives or the rest of it.

    I hope you DO leave him and when you find another guy, probably after shagging a few more, you will realise that you could of saved what heart you had left for a guy you 'loved'

    Why don't you save your Bfs time and split? Just tell him he doesn't do it for you anymore and with any luck, he'd become better and earn a nicer girl for him to share his time with.
    Firstly, its "could have saved", not "could of saved".

    Secondly, people fall out of love with each other all the time. Its never intended to be nasty. Its not someone's fault if their feelings die for their partner, it just happens. You cant make yourself fancy someone forever.
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    How do you know the attractive guys would treat you better?

    Dump him so he can find someone more worthy of his love.
    • #1
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    #1

    Thank you to everyone for your responses (even the harsh ones) and to those of you who have shared your experiences. I do realise that it would be harsh to string him along if I don't love him anymore which is why I want to make a decision.

    [QUOTE=rganaden
    If you aren't looking to settle and want to have fun, you need to be honest with yourself and to him.
    But all joke aside has the spark is gone? are you afraid of commitment? [/QUOTE]

    I don't really want to settle down - I am still a student - but that doesn't mean I don't want a boyfriend. He is more settled than me with a job he loves and money for our hobbies, holidays etc (and, before anyone jumps on that, it will be hard not to have that anymore but I'm not a gold digger who will stick with him just for his money). As for being afraid of commitment, I don't know in general. But, say he were to ask me to marry him tomorrow, I wouldn't know what to say.

    (Original post by Cybele)
    I've felt the same thing in the past, but trust me, I felt very differently when it actually happened. How would you feel if you saw him with somebody else?
    I guess it is true that imagining a situation is different from it happening but that just makes it harder to make the decision not knowing if I will be one of those people who finds they made the right decision.
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    I felt exactly the same way you did and was miserable for about 5 months because I wanted to break up with him but not hurt his feelings.

    I broke up with him 2 months ago and although I miss him ocassionally, I feel so much better for it. It's unfair to both of you if you stay in a relationship because of guilt. Perhaps suggest a break to see how you feel? Either way, you HAVE to talk to him about it, however mean it may feel.
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    (Original post by HARRY PUTAH)
    You know, its *****es like you that make the good guys turn into *******s towards women for a good chunk of their lives or the rest of it.

    I hope you DO leave him and when you find another guy, probably after shagging a few more, you will realise that you could of saved what heart you had left for a guy you 'loved'

    Why don't you save your Bfs time and split? Just tell him he doesn't do it for you anymore and with any luck, he'd become better and earn a nicer girl for him to share his time with.
    This.....1000000x

    In before we get blitzkrieged by a horde of feminazis.

    You think men are dicks? LOL woman create them, you reap what you sow. OP = prime example. Woman treat dudes like toys when they are bored it's time for the next, and then funnily enough they just end up regretting it anyway.
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    (Original post by Antonia87)
    Firstly, its "could have saved", not "could of saved".

    Secondly, people fall out of love with each other all the time. Its never intended to be nasty. Its not someone's fault if their feelings die for their partner, it just happens. You cant make yourself fancy someone forever.

    oh I understand the rules of finding a partner you can be with for some time, note; some time doesn't mean 6 months kids, I am talking 2+ years here.

    The Op has learned to get a nice guy like her current Bf but she needs that added ziiing to him to make her go "oh...wow".

    The thing that gets me is, most women who do this go about it in such a terrible way that they leave the guy pretty much screwed up and most often than not, bitter and resentful.

    And why do men become bitter and resentful? Well most women can't just give a simple straight answer, they leave him hanging several times, they then shout at him to "go away, find your own way" and that she needs to 'move on'.

    it doesn't stop there even, she comes back 1 month later having spread her legs a few times and whatdoyaknow? She dumps him citing "I thought I was wrong about leaving"....yeah.


    Why do men 30+ get bitter?


    Answer:Young women especially and older women can't tell a straight fact to a mans face and get on with it.
 
 
 
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