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BF and his girl 'friend' :/ watch

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    My boyfriend became very fond of this girl from work not so long ago (7 months) and he is really close to her...closer than friends should be!!! He has plenty of girl friends and I don't have a problem I'm one of those people who believe a guy and girl can be just friends. He has no problem with all my guy friends either.

    The problem is he is too close to her for my liking, in the past 2 months they hang out non stop they are always calling and texting it's got to a point where he's in contact with her more than me

    He sleeps round hers sometimes, though in fairness to him he did ask me if I was okay with it at first and I said yes (but I only said it because I didnt want to be controlling and be bossy ) They go out to parties together he never does with me and people even ask them if they're a couple :mad:

    It's little things aswell like he leaves his jacket or jumper at her place and she wears it, she made her own music playlist on his phone and cooks him his favourite meals :/

    I don't want to believe something is going on between them because he has introduced me to her as his girlfriend and he talks on the phone to her when I'm in the room so he hasn't hid anything from me

    It was her birthday yesterday and he spent £400 on a handbag for her and threw her a surprise party which must have totalled the cost to 1k!!!! He has NEVER done such thing for me :'(

    Its really upsetting me now I feel like I'm just a girlfriend by name but she is the one who is treated like one. The only thing missing that would make theirs a relationship is sex but otherwise they act like a couple madly in love

    I dont know what to do??? What CAN I do if anything? Im scared if I confront him and tell him he will just say Im being controlling and coming between his friendships

    please help I really need advice x
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    Woah. I expected you to be one of those paranoid clingy types, but that IS weird.

    Sorry to be unhelpful, but I think the only thing you can do is talk to him. Make it clear you don't think he's cheating, as such, but the handbag/party/her wearing his clothes/etc is just weird, and too far in my opinion. My boyfriend has female friends too and he doesn't act like that with any of them. In fact, there was a girl who started wearing one of his jumpers once, and people I knew seemed to think that was really strange.
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    (Original post by sabinex)
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    I'm sorry that you're upset, but you need to talk to him, not us. If my boyfriend did this, ESPECIALLY the handbag bit and the parties, he'd be out on his ear no matter how much I loved him.

    It's not about being controlling or coming between friendships, it's about feeling secure within your relationship, which you evidently aren't right now.

    Being harsh, it does sound suspicious. Even if they're not having sex, he's acting inappropriately with this girl and your doubts are justified. Talk to him, tell him how you feel, ask him about how he feels about this girl, and make a decision about whether you feel this relationship is worth staying in.
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    (Original post by sabinex)
    My boyfriend became very fond of this girl from work not so long ago (7 months) and he is really close to her...closer than friends should be!!! He has plenty of girl friends and I don't have a problem I'm one of those people who believe a guy and girl can be just friends. He has no problem with all my guy friends either.

    The problem is he is too close to her for my liking, in the past 2 months they hang out non stop they are always calling and texting it's got to a point where he's in contact with her more than me

    He sleeps round hers sometimes, though in fairness to him he did ask me if I was okay with it at first and I said yes (but I only said it because I didnt want to be controlling and be bossy ) They go out to parties together he never does with me and people even ask them if they're a couple :mad:

    It's little things aswell like he leaves his jacket or jumper at her place and she wears it, she made her own music playlist on his phone and cooks him his favourite meals :/

    I don't want to believe something is going on between them because he has introduced me to her as his girlfriend and he talks on the phone to her when I'm in the room so he hasn't hid anything from me

    It was her birthday yesterday and he spent £400 on a handbag for her and threw her a surprise party which must have totalled the cost to 1k!!!! He has NEVER done such thing for me :'(

    Its really upsetting me now I feel like I'm just a girlfriend by name but she is the one who is treated like one. The only thing missing that would make theirs a relationship is sex but otherwise they act like a couple madly in love

    I dont know what to do??? What CAN I do if anything? Im scared if I confront him and tell him he will just say Im being controlling and coming between his friendships

    please help I really need advice x
    Your bf sounds like a sucker. Who would buy such expensive gifts for a girl he isn't sleeping with or romantically attached. Establish boundaries in your relationship and assert your control. This doesn't make you controlling, but sitting by and doing nothing will make you a pussy.
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    OP blokes are dumb seriously we are. Sometimes we dont see whats going on right under our noses.

    Assuming he is decent there is every chance he doesnt realise what hes doing and seeing as blokes dont pick up in hints he doesnt realise hes upsetting you.

    Talk to him, with what you have described you wont come over clingy or paranoid. You would be perfectly justified in what you say.
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    (Original post by silverbolt)
    OP blokes are dumb seriously we are. Sometimes we dont see whats going on right under our noses.

    Assuming he is decent there is every chance he doesnt realise what hes doing and seeing as blokes dont pick up in hints he doesnt realise hes upsetting you.

    Talk to him, with what you have described you wont come over clingy or paranoid. You would be perfectly justified in what you say.
    Spot on.

    If he's asking your permission to stay at hers and talks to her in front of you then he's clearly only taking it for what it is, a friendship, but of course not realising that it's upsetting you.

    Talk to him and let him know, if he continues to do it then he's putting her before you...easy to figure out what you should do if this is to be the case. :yy:
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    I agree, that is odd. You're not being paranoid.
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    Talk to him! My close friends have complained about their boyfriends in the past about being 'too close' to female friends, and they have been ridiculous: 'she hugged him last night, I think there might be something going on between them!' blah blah blah.

    But I think what you are saying sounds perfectly reasonable! You are certainly justified in raising the issue, I don't think anyone can accuse you of being too clingy and controlling if he is doing what you say he is!

    I know it sounds the scary option, but just talk to him about it. Tell him from the start this is not you accusing him of cheating, this is just you wanting to understand what is happening between the two of them and explaining how uncomfortable it makes you feel.

    Good luck
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    This is bang out of order. I would be massively offended if this happened to me. It's not normal behaviour. I would dump him.
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    I don't mean to be rude, but you've totally allowed this to happen.

    By not wanting to appear bossy, you've let him cross boundaries that just shouldn't be crossed.

    There's no way in hell I'd be comfortable with my boyfriend sleeping at another girl's house!!!! It's just not done.

    Dump him, he clearly has another girlfriend - even if nothing's happened sexually, he's as good as gone.

    Get some self respect and stop being a doormat. :hugs:
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    That deffo doesn't sound right to me, and honestly you should have said no to him staying round hers in the first place. It's not right, it's not ok and you need to tell him this. If he acts like it's nothing, toss him out on his ass because there's definitely something going on.
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    (Original post by Ilora-Danon)
    By not wanting to appear bossy, you've let him cross boundaries that just shouldn't be crossed.

    There's no way in hell I'd be comfortable with my boyfriend sleeping at another girl's house!!!! It's just not done.
    Why not? I wouldn't have any problem with my boyfriend staying at a girl's house, and I'd be pretty annoyed if he had a problem with me staying at a guy's. It would suggest mistrust IMO.
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    (Original post by Jelkin)
    Why not? I wouldn't have any problem with my boyfriend staying at a girl's house, and I'd be pretty annoyed if he had a problem with me staying at a guy's. It would suggest mistrust IMO.
    I just don't see it as appropriate. There's no need to spend that much intimate time with someone who isn't your girl/boyfriend. There should be boundaries between friends and boyfriends/girlfriends.
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    (Original post by Ilora-Danon)
    I just don't see it as appropriate. There's no need to spend that much intimate time with someone who isn't your girl/boyfriend. There should be boundaries between friends and boyfriends/girlfriends.
    So would you have an issue with your boyfriend sleeping at a male friend's house? I agree that there are boundaries, but for me the line would be more like not wanting my boyfriend to sleep in the same bed as someone else.
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    Hm doubts do seem justified; how about a bit of tit-for-tat, see if he has any objections?
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    (Original post by Ilora-Danon)
    I just don't see it as appropriate. There's no need to spend that much intimate time with someone who isn't your girl/boyfriend. There should be boundaries between friends and boyfriends/girlfriends.
    Why does staying around at someone's house be 'inappropriate' or 'intimate'. You can stay at an opposite sex's house without there being funny business. I would feel awful if I told a boyfriend he wasn't allowed to stay at someone's house, girl or boy.
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    (Original post by Formerly LieDown)
    Why does staying around at someone's house be 'inappropriate' or 'intimate'. You can stay at an opposite sex's house without there being funny business. I would feel awful if I told a boyfriend he wasn't allowed to stay at someone's house, girl or boy.
    Well that's you! I'm different. I would be uncomfortable with it. Maybe it is down to insecurity, but either way I wouldn't like it.

    I wouldn't spend the night at some guy's house, when I have a boyfriend. I wouldn't feel comfortable with that either. I don't have guy mates I'm that 'close with' - in fact, I rarely sleep round anyone's house other than my boyfriend's.

    My point is, if the OP was uncomfortable with it in any way, she should have been HONEST and communicated with him about it, rather than say 'yeah it's okay' to 'save face' and appear to be someone she's not.
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    (Original post by Ilora-Danon)
    I just don't see it as appropriate. There's no need to spend that much intimate time with someone who isn't your girl/boyfriend. There should be boundaries between friends and boyfriends/girlfriends.
    What if someone was single, and slept at the house of their opposite-sex friend?
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    (Original post by Ilora-Danon)
    Well that's you! I'm different. I would be uncomfortable with it. Maybe it is down to insecurity, but either way I wouldn't like it.
    It's called trust. Without it, why be in a relationship at all?
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    (Original post by sabinex)
    please help I really need advice x
    I read your previous threads. If they're real* then this guy is a gambling addict who's basically abandoned you in all but name for someone else, while you're pregnant with his second child, after miscarrying his first child. Sounds like a lovely specimen of the male species.



    *Which to be honest I doubt.
 
 
 
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