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    Well basically, I've been with my girlfriend 3.5years now and she came over today after sixth-form and told me "We should go on a break". She is really caring and didnt say it in a horrible way or anything but we then went on to talk about staying as friends (We both balled our eyes out, it wasnt very nice but it wasnt as bad as we thought).

    It wasnt a total suprise as we are both in year 13 but im off to uni next year and shes not. She moved to a different college this year so we havnt been seeing each other as much. We both really care for each other so we wanted things to stay good between us so we are going try and get used to the idea of just being friends. We knew this would eventually happen sometime next year but I suppose she couldnt stop thinking about it. She actually said the same thing this year in january but we decided we would make the most of the time we still had together and stayed as boy friend and girl friend.

    The problem is I dont know how easy it will be, how long it will take or if it will actually work. My mum wasnt exactly helpful, she was like "You've got a whole year until you go to uni." But she doesnt realise that its been on our minds for ages now because thats what everyone talks about, uni, uni, uni. And now she will have her own friends at her college, she will be going out with them and stuff.

    Has anyone else had any experience?

    Many thanks.
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    It happens. What kind of response are you looking for? No-one can share this pain with you i'm afraid....it will heal up in time stick with your studies, that is your future
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    So are you splitting up because you don't love each other anymore, or just because you don't want to do long-distance?
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    (Original post by boromir9111)
    It happens. What kind of response are you looking for? No-one can share this pain with you i'm afraid....it will heal up in time stick with your studies, that is your future
    I dunno... Just feel a bit weird She only left 1 hour ago. I was just wondering if it sounds like a good idea? And do these things actually work?
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    (Original post by PrincessAriadne)
    So are you splitting up because you don't love each other anymore, or just because you don't want to do long-distance?
    What it boils down to is we dont want to do long distance but it still sucks because we are really close as well.
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    I'm surprised you didn't try and keep it going until you left for uni next year especially if you still care for each other as much as you do. Is the uni you want to go to close by? Same thing happened with me and my ex so I can sort of relate to it.
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    (Original post by soutioirsim)
    I dunno... Just feel a bit weird She only left 1 hour ago. I was just wondering if it sounds like a good idea? And do these things actually work?
    Well, it could be i stress on COULD that she's afraid of losing you and wants to save you the hassle and did it herself.....so, if you really like her then ring her up and talk but it's your choice! It all depends on how she left you, her body language, tone voice etc.....
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    (Original post by soutioirsim)
    What it boils down to is we dont want to do long distance but it still sucks because we are really close as well.
    Maybe you should at least give it a try?
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    (Original post by Andrew1991)
    I'm surprised you didn't try and keep it going until you left for uni next year especially if you still care for each other as much as you do. Is the uni you want to go to close by? Same thing happened with me and my ex so I can sort of relate to it.
    The thing was we dont really want to stay together, be all fine and dandy, pretend its all fine and then all of a sudden, bam, im off too uni and we have to suddenly have to adjust to only being friends.
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    Ah fair enough, suppose it gives you nearly a year to make it work as friends instead of it just hitting you in the face like you say.
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    (Original post by PrincessAriadne)
    Maybe you should at least give it a try?
    Well she said she wants to let me live life as much as I can. She doesnt want me to worry about calling her, worry about what im doing when Im supposed to be having the time of my life (I dont think she wants the pressure of worrying about me cheating and stuff which I can totally understand, I'd be the same if it was her.) Its not about trust though (I know, stupid considering what I just said) we've been through a lot together but we both naturally worry about things a lot.


    (Thanks for the replies btw everyone.)
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    Give it a go mate. You've been together for 3 and a half years. Long distance is tough but a lot of people manage. In 3 years time you could be leaving Uni, she'd have finished college and either got a job / looking for work and you could be moving in together in a rented place. If you were both crying then it's clear you both have pretty strong feelings for each other.

    Speaking from experience, it's all about time management, trust and communication.

    1)Make time to see each other, try to make it at least weekly or fortnightly. If you live quite close, this could even be more than that.
    2) Trust each other. Let her go out with her friends, but also make sure she honours seeing / talking committments with you depending on work load, etc.
    3) Communicate. Talk often, daily if possible. Keep mobiles topped up as much as possible and text each other often. Plan time together in advance, support each other, talk about each other's days.
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    (Original post by Gargie55)
    Give it a go mate. You've been together for 3 and a half years. Long distance is tough but a lot of people manage. In 3 years time you could be leaving Uni, she'd have finished college and either got a job / looking for work and you could be moving in together in a rented place. If you were both crying then it's clear you both have pretty strong feelings for each other.

    Speaking from experience, it's all about time management, trust and communication.

    1)Make time to see each other, try to make it at least weekly or fortnightly. If you live quite close, this could even be more than that.
    2) Trust each other. Let her go out with her friends, but also make sure she honours seeing / talking committments with you depending on work load, etc.
    3) Communicate. Talk often, daily if possible. Keep mobiles topped up as much as possible and text each other often. Plan time together in advance, support each other, talk about each other's days.
    Wont it be easier though to keep in contact by email/text/phone while being friends?
    Thats one thing we promised each other, we will stay friends.

    And what happens if that doesnt work out during uni (I mean staying together...), I then get all depressed and then ruin my first year of uni.
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    Ok, so you've made a promise to stay friends. Right. And what happens in 3-6 months when you get a new girlfriend? Or she lets you know she has a new boyfriend? Will that friendship still continue? Would that get you depressed as well?

    What have you got to lose? Either you stay friends now and get on with your separate lives, or you give it a go and it might work out wonderfully. If it doesn't work out, you'll still be at Uni - one of the best places to possibly find a new partner.

    If by being 'friends' you mean you declare your status as 'friends' but secretly both of you still want to be together and wish you could be and she's just hoping you finish Uni without finding somebody?

    You said: 'Well she said she wants to let me live life as much as I can.' And what if you'd be happier living life with her than getting wasted every other weekend for no purpose? What if you struck a balance between 'living life' and being with her?

    You also said: She doesnt want me to worry about calling her, worry about what im doing when Im supposed to be having the time of my life (I dont think she wants the pressure of worrying about me cheating and stuff which I can totally understand, I'd be the same if it was her.)

    Just because you go to Uni she has to worry about you cheating? Are you suddenly going to change from a good 3.5 year long boyfriend to some raving pervert chasing after every bit of skirt? There are trust issues here in my opinion, but also 'worrying' issues. Does she honestly feel she has to monitor you every day at school / college to make sure you aren't cheating?

    Maybe talk to her, get it out in the open and talk things over properly. It seems to me you both haven't explored all of the options, either because you both don't want to try and make the relationship work or you'd be happier apart. It's like she has just decided for you both that you should be friends without a dialogue between you both about how you feel. Write some of the other options down, see what you could both cope with. Love (if thats what it is) can change many things and survive much hardship, but both parties have to be willing to try.
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    4days after posting this she came over, started crying and said that she couldnt do it and that we should get back together. I was feeling really good about it and glad she said it.

    But then yesterday she phoned me and said we need to talk, did I want her to come over. I said we can talk right now so just told me straight she wants to break up with me and that we should go cold turkey and leave it a whole month before even talking.

    So we've gone from being girlfriend and boyfriend as well as best friends for the last 3.5years to absolutely nothing...
 
 
 
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