Hi. I'm on my 4th full day at Sussex University and I really want to drop out. I hate it here, I don't feel comfortable and don't fit in with the kind of people that attend this university. The alternative and hipster-full Brighton also makes me feel uncomfortable. I really want to go home and just start a fresh with a gap year and look for a Uni that is right me. But I'm so conflicted and confused that I honestly don't know what to do and it's driving me insane. I'm so worried and stressed that I feel physically sick and depressed. Here are my thoughts right now:
I don't like Brighton and I don't like the University, I want to go home and take a gap year and put more effort into finding a university I will like and into taking the right course
should I try and stick it out until at least my lectures start where I might find some people I'll fit in with?
I hate it here so much that I can't stand the thought of being here for another hour, let alone another week or so
Would that be caving into the immense homesickness I'm feeling right now? Would that show that I've got some sort of serious mental issue whereby I can't live without my parents for more than a week??
If I go home, I could prepare to learn to cope without my parents and live independently
This University actually has my brother studying at it and living just a 10 minute train ride away. If I go somewhere else then I won't have anyone and surely I'd be even worse off??
What if I'm one those weird people who's so emotionally attatched to his home that he can't leave it? Is there something wrong with me?
How do I even go about quiting? What money will I owe the Uni? What about the SLC? Who do I talk to in order to quit?
If I do quit what if I regret it and wish I never had? What if it's the worst decision of my life?!
I honestly don't know what to do. I've never felt this terrible. So far I haven't had a single positive experience since I've been here. I've been unable to make any friends and I just miss home more than I ever thought possible. But I worry that if I quit then I'm weak and weird.
I want to leave... but I don't know whether I should...
Somebody please give me some advice fast 'cause I'm going crazy here.
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Dropping Out In Freshers watch
- Thread Starter
- 30-09-2010 21:57
- 30-09-2010 22:01
Definitely go to a few lectures. You will eventually make friends if you make some effort, I promise you.
- 30-09-2010 22:04
You are normal.
I felt EXACTLY like this about 2 weeks ago - a few days after I moved in.
I cried endlessly, couldn't stop thinking how much every second hurt and I just couldn't take it, I thought i'd never be happy again.
Those thoughts are stupid! My dad came to visit and I felt so much better.. and ever since I've felt happy.
In the week between him coming and actually starting my course, I still felt wierd, but I thought I HAVE TO GIVE THIS A GO.
And now I've started my course I love it here. I have things to do in the daytime, I've made loads of friends (everyone on my course is so likeminded) and it's just like.. what's not to like? It's so wierd how your feelings can change BUT THEY WILL.
I felt EXACTLY the same as you! With the whole 'what if im not suited for uni' 'what if im one of those people who just can't leave home'
It's ********, and i promise it will get better if you stick with it xxxx
- 30-09-2010 22:05
Try to stay for a couple of weeks. If you don't find it so disgusting you feel like leaving every minute, try to stay for a couple more, and eventually you might realise it's not so bad.
Not at uni, but at another school, living at home, that has happened to me. I eventually left, but because of an LTI, as it turns out. Now I'm out for another reason, I won't go back, but I wouldn't have left because of that alone. My problem there was the people, I didn't feel I fitted in. Ironically, though we're not the best of friends, now I see them sometimes when I go out and we get on well rather well.
- 30-09-2010 22:05
I would give it a bit more time, although everyone says that it is good advice. Freshers is not at all like the rest of the year really, it feels unsettled and overwhelming most of the time. It takes time wherever you go to feel comfortable and happy, and plenty of other people will be feeling lonely too. Sussex is an amazing University which is really hard to get into, leaving could be the biggest mistake! I have been to Uni for a year before, and I HATED it for the first month, to the point of crying myself to sleep some nights, but once my course got going and I met some people, I felt so happy. Wait until it starts properly, and perhaps join a club or society, I bet you will love it- if you reapply for next year you will still feel this way to start with.
- 30-09-2010 22:15
You get a couple of weeks of lectures to decide to quit without penalty iirc - freshers is not typical of what you'll be doing the rest of the year.
The way you're feeling is perfectly normal and very common, everyone just tries not to show it and thinks they're the only one.
- 30-09-2010 22:22
I am at Sussex, like you, and I feel exactly the same. I'm not living on the campus (due to a lack of spaces) and feel excluded from almost everything that is organised for freshers. In between activities, I wander round hoping to find someone that will talk to me and actually seem interested in forming a friendship. There is tons of advice on here which says leave your door open, talk to people etc etc, but I know how you feel and it's horrible. I am planning to try a week of lectures before deciding to drop out though, just so I don't regret leaving too early. Also, I hope that I might find people similar to me on my course.
The last point I would make is that, if you go home knowing you didn't enjoy university, will you have the courage to move away all over again next year?
- 30-09-2010 22:26
I think you should have atleast 3 weeks to quit without any penatly. Well no any depends if u are currently living in uni accomodation then u might end up payin it for the rest of they year unless u find someone who can take over your room. Imo you should stick, I didn't like it for first 4 days either, join some society's i'm sure u can meet some people. If not I would still encourage to stay atleast for a year it's only one year then u can try to transfer, it's better getting some credits done than none.
- 30-09-2010 23:01
I felt almost exactly the same way a few days after I moved in. Anyone who says they weren't nervous or homesick at least once is probably lying!
Take it one day at a time and you will feel better . I'm still getting used to it, but at the same time I feel like I can take on so much more now that I've taken on this big change in my life. If you beat this feeling of homesickness and the longing to be back to what you know you will be so confident.
If your university genuinely isn't for you then you will find out in the next few months, but if you give up now you'll never really know whether you would have grown to like it. When I first visited Edinburgh I felt extremely comfortable, but during Freshers week it felt intimidating and nothing like when I visited. That feeling disappeared very quickly.
It's not a mental issue to feel helpless away from your parents; it might seem like you're the only one, but all of my flatmates and I have been missing their family and their home. The way I see it is I've not left home, I now have two homes. Fill your room with things from home so that you don't feel completely alienated from your other home.
Just think of what you've already achieved. You've moved away from home (presumably for the first time). You've moved to an alien city. You've spent a significant amount of time without your normal support network of family and friends. You actually had the guts to go in the first place. You're still their now.
As for making friends, societies really are the easiest way to do it because you already have something in common. Turn up to your lectures 15-25 minutes early when they start so you can talk to people beforehand.
As soon as things become a little more familiar you will feel better . Good luck, and if you've given it a good go and truly don't like it then there is no shame in dropping out. Just make sure you give it time, otherwise you'll regret it.Last edited by Emmie3303; 30-09-2010 at 23:05.