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Am I wrong to act the same way with everyone? watch

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    I feel rather down at the moment as I am at university but have really very few friends to speak of after 2 years because I stubbornly refuse to put on a persona when I meet new people, i.e. smiling all the time, being enthusiastic, immediately inviting people to places. I have always felt I should be true to my self and act the same way with new people as I would with established friends, which is just being comfortable with conversation without being loud or gregarious. But it does make me sad that other people find it easier to make friends because they are prepared to have this public persona, am I wrong or am I just a victim of my times and my location.
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    I think your persona theory is in some cases true but a little cynical, no? When you meet someone new you don't have to put on a new persona, you just have to be polite, and that includes smiling and at least trying to show some interest in the other person.

    Otherwise, I think you may have been unlucky and really not met the right people!
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    Ever thought that those loud and gregarious people are also being true to themselves?

    Of course you should be true to yourself (no one likes a fakey) but you also should have some qualities that people look for in friends. Think about what qualities you look for in friends and ask yourself whether you have these or not. Me for example, well I like a smiler and someone enthusiastic and equally it's nice to be invited to places.
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    I'm like that.. but I realised I needed to make friends when starting uni so was more friendly than usual... otherwise you have no friends.
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    I think it's good that you want to be yourself, you've learned to love you for who you are. But I think maybe your personality is not as likeable as people would expect it to be, I'm not saying you can't get friends, because of course that would be false. In my opinion I think you're wrong, many people who have the persona traits you mentioned genuinely have those traits and don't need to put on a " front " to fit in.

    Dude, sometimes you have to put on a front anyway, just like in job interview, hell the **** no did I want to smile at the African women interviewing me, but I did it anyway lol coz I'm a broke ass ********* who gets EMA !

    Maybe try becoming more confident then you won't have to put on a front.

    Hmm this is the most constructive well written piece of writing I've done in a long while on TSR ( Even though to some it's probably badly written lmao )
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    Yeah I think all of you raise some interesting points, I guess I do have some self esteem issues in that subconsciously I might be worrying by being friendly that won't be returned so I am hiding a bit in this state of placidness, but it just seems such a gargantuan task for me to change the way I am.
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    (Original post by rliu)
    Yeah I think all of you raise some interesting points, I guess I do have some self esteem issues in that subconsciously I might be worrying by being friendly that won't be returned so I am hiding a bit in this state of placidness, but it just seems such a gargantuan task for me to change the way I am.
    Surely it's not that hard to put on a smile, speak a bit louder so your voice is heard and so you come across more confident. This will help, believe me first impressions count, especially with girls.
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    You have to learn to adapt. Nobody puts on a 'public persona'. Just react to what is happening and improvise.
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    (Original post by JmJtr)
    You have to learn to adapt. Nobody puts on a 'public persona'. Just react to what is happening and improvise.
    Don't be completely ignorant of yourself and how human beings behave, if there is no such thing as a public persona why don't we go to the toilet in front of people? Why don't we just start going ballistic and start punching people if they do something we don't like every time? You are telling me that you are exactly the same in private, when you are alone in your bedroom, as you are giving a speech in front of people?
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    (Original post by rliu)
    Don't be completely ignorant of yourself and how human beings behave, if there is no such thing as a public persona why don't we go to the toilet in front of people? Why don't we just start going ballistic and start punching people if they do something we don't like every time? You are telling me that you are exactly the same in private, when you are alone in your bedroom, as you are giving a speech in front of people?
    I'm sorry but I disagree with you again, I act the same wherever I am, whether it be across the phone to someone, in my bedroom, talking the friends or even a stranger that's starting to converse with me.

    And we don't go ballistic and start punching everyone coz that's ********** crazy dude lol !!

    BTW - I go to the toilet in front of people....
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    (Original post by rliu)
    Don't be completely ignorant of yourself and how human beings behave, if there is no such thing as a public persona why don't we go to the toilet in front of people? Why don't we just start going ballistic and start punching people if they do something we don't like every time? You are telling me that you are exactly the same in private, when you are alone in your bedroom, as you are giving a speech in front of people?
    I'm sorry but I disagree with you again, I act the same wherever I am, whether it be across the phone to someone, in my bedroom, talking the friends or even a stranger that's starting to converse with me.

    And we don't go ballistic and start punching everyone coz that's ********** crazy dude lol !!

    BTW - I go to the toilet in front of people....
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    (Original post by rliu)
    I feel rather down at the moment as I am at university but have really very few friends to speak of after 2 years because I stubbornly refuse to put on a persona when I meet new people, i.e. smiling all the time, being enthusiastic, immediately inviting people to places. I have always felt I should be true to my self and act the same way with new people as I would with established friends, which is just being comfortable with conversation without being loud or gregarious. But it does make me sad that other people find it easier to make friends because they are prepared to have this public persona, am I wrong or am I just a victim of my times and my location.
    Logically what you're saying is that because you aren't prepared to change your behaviour and be nice and friendly to people because it would be "changing your persona" (haven't you considered that ) and yet you expect people to behave in a certain way (being friendly to yourself), can you see how logically contradicts?

    How is it not in your personality to be nice and friendly? Why do you expect friends when you aren't nice and friendly? Maybe you need to change, you have decided what your personality is and isn't when really everyone acts in the manner that suits them in that situation.
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    No offence, but I hate people like you. Surely it is common sense, being polite isn't the same as pretending to be someone else. It isn't a 'public persona', if you come off as an un-friendly person when someone first meets you, then they won't stick around for long. Indeed, some people do put 'full' acts on in front of a large group of people, but it's in the minority, there's a very big line between being polite, and pretending to be someone else. You just happen to think they are the same thing it seems :P
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    yeah be nicer
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    (Original post by TheCurlyHairedDude)
    I'm sorry but I disagree with you again, I act the same wherever I am, whether it be across the phone to someone, in my bedroom, talking the friends or even a stranger that's starting to converse with me.

    And we don't go ballistic and start punching everyone coz that's ********** crazy dude lol !!

    BTW - I go to the toilet in front of people....
    So you have never lied? When you're girlfriend says "do i look fat in this" you go, yeah you look like a fat mess. When you meet someone you don't like for the first time you tell them straight away to their face how you hate their guts? As if :lol:
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    (Original post by rliu)
    Don't be completely ignorant of yourself and how human beings behave, if there is no such thing as a public persona why don't we go to the toilet in front of people? Why don't we just start going ballistic and start punching people if they do something we don't like every time? You are telling me that you are exactly the same in private, when you are alone in your bedroom, as you are giving a speech in front of people?
    Wtf? Have you thought that maybe the reason I don't go punching people is because I have common sense and do not want to go to prison you Ediot. What do I gain though punching someone? Isn't knowing not to go to the toilet infront of others social intelligence rather than a 'public persona'. I don't want my privacy invaded.

    The point is you being abit of a social retard are trying to say that the reason people are better than you at socialising is that when we meet people we put on some kind of 'act' or 'persona'. Okay fair enough to some this may apply but I can only speak for myself and thats ********.

    I think what your trying to say is that people conform more when in public which is true but what does that have to do with you having little friends? everyone conforms, even you.
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    (Original post by Stefan1991)
    So you have never lied? When you're girlfriend says "do i look fat in this" you go, yeah you look like a fat mess. When you meet someone you don't like for the first time you tell them straight away to their face how you hate their guts? As if :lol:
    Lol, never had a girlfriend who's fat but I get were you're coming from but, no.

    Lying = Stop you're self from encountering a consequence...

    Whereas

    Fronting = No consequence if you do/don't do it.......
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    (Original post by TheCurlyHairedDude)
    Lol, never had a girlfriend who's fat but I get were you're coming from but, no.

    Lying = Stop you're self from encountering a consequence...

    Whereas

    Fronting = No consequence if you do/don't do it.......
    What's so wrong with fronting a little? People are just going to think you're fronting by not being nice to them cos you think you're superior than everyone else or something. Nobody is going to castigate you for being pleasant and friendly, you don't have to pretend to be everyones best friend but at least stop being a grumpy ******* and just make chit chat, be friendly just so everyone can have a pleasant comfortable experience with you and a nice life.
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    (Original post by Stefan1991)
    What's so wrong with fronting a little? People are just going to think you're fronting by not being nice to them cos you think you're superior than everyone else or something. Nobody is going to castigate you for being pleasant and friendly, you don't have to pretend to be everyones best friend but at least stop being a grumpy ******* and just make chit chat, be friendly just so everyone can have a pleasant comfortable experience with you and a nice life.
    Lol dude I'm agreeing with you !
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    (Original post by JmJtr)
    Wtf? Have you thought that maybe the reason I don't go punching people is because I have common sense and do not want to go to prison you Ediot. What do I gain though punching someone? Isn't knowing not to go to the toilet infront of others social intelligence rather than a 'public persona'. I don't want my privacy invaded.

    The point is you being abit of a social retard are trying to say that the reason people are better than you at socialising is that when we meet people we put on some kind of 'act' or 'persona'. Okay fair enough to some this may apply but I can only speak for myself and thats ********.

    I think what your trying to say is that people conform more when in public which is true but what does that have to do with you having little friends? everyone conforms, even you.
    Thanks for this well considered reply, you've completely missed the point I was making. Isn't not wanting to go to prison part of a person's conformity to society? You say you want privacy when you go to the toilet, what is a desire for privacy other than a sign that we need moments alone as well as communal moments? I accept I conform, and this post was actually trying to seek some advice. I have friends that I am very close to and we've kept in close contact through the years, my point was that it takes time for people to get to know me cos I'm not loud or brash. Don't presume things about me. I guess I was mistaken in trying to get mature replies.
 
 
 
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