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I don't get why my mum is such a total ***** to me Watch

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    I'm a university student so thankfully hardly ever have to visit/stay with my mum but whenever I do I hate it pretty much immediately. I know how bad that makes me sound but she's so so two-faced all the time that I can't understand why she does these things. Today she was laughing because the man at the changing room gave me a bit of a strange look apparently that means he was "working you out you look like a right freak"...er I was wearing jeans, black shoes and a brown jacket. When I asked why are you being so nasty to me she just says "I'm only telling you the truth".

    Recently grew my hair long and she kept moaning how she preferred it short (so did I actually....) so when I finally cut it she kept *****ing that it was horrible, why did I do that, I look stupid. I'm like wtf it's the same as it used to be.

    I don't have a bedroom in her house so when I stay with her I have her room, she barges in whenever and shouts how messy it is (it's really not) and how she wants her room back she doesn't like sleeping on the sofa bed. wtf she invited me to stay.

    But the weird thing is that the next minute she'll be nice. That's the horrible thing, she'll say really nasty things to me about how I look like a freak or I'm fat or she hates my girlfriend and then the next minute it'll be "do you want a cup of tea?". It's ******* with my head, I hate it and don't know what to do. I don't understand how someone can be nice then really nasty then nice again.

    She's always been a ***** to me, always telling me how fat I was (I wasn't I was just taller and wider than my very skinny brother), always laughing at me when I mess something up and always putting me down to relatives but then she'd be all nice and expect me to fix her tv, but there was no escape then, there's an escape at uni now but I don't know I just don't know how to feel, part of me wants to never ever talk to her again, never visit, never call, nothing because I really do hate how she treats me, but then she's my mum and she is nice sometimes just those nice moments are ALWAYS followed by nasty snide evil comments.

    I guess some of you are going to be like, well at least you have a mum, or stop being ungrateful or whatever and I do see where you're coming from which is why this is a dilemma at all. I don't want to make excuses, but I have depression & social anxiety (diagnosed) and every time I stay with her I feel many many times worse, the things she says to me really get to me for months even years after (I only gave recent examples but they are much worse things), so I dunno what I should do. I feel bad completely blocking her out but she makes me feel awful whenever I talk to her.


    tl;dr version: my mum is a ***** to me sometimes, what do I do?
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    Don't stay at her house - tell her you won't put up with being treated like that, and if she can't be polite to you, she won't be seeing you. Then stay out of her way.
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    She's scizophreniac.
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    Tell her! If you're fed up with her behaviour, you need to explain that. She might not even realise she is acting as harshly as she is. If she isn't nice to you, stay out of her way.
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    Bulk up. Seriously, the respect you get from everyone, including your mother, increases massively. When you're built like a **** brick house she won't say anything. It happened with me unintentionally. Don't know why, I didn't become more agressive or anything, just the sheer presence I guess.
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    Silently congratulate yourself on the fact that you've been exposed to her for years and still not be like her every time she's horrible to you.
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    (Original post by smellslikemarmite)
    Tell her! If you're fed up with her behaviour, you need to explain that. She might not even realise she is acting as harshly as she is. If she isn't nice to you, stay out of her way.
    I've tried telling her that I don't like her saying things like that to me, she just laughs and says how she's only telling the truth.

    It sounds pathetic but I don't like confrontation, so I don't like shouting at people or causing a fuss, but I do try to tell her to stop it; like today when she said how the man thought I looked like a freak I asked why do you say things like that to me and told her that it hurts and she just laughed about it. :confused:


    (Original post by kratos90)
    Bulk up. Seriously, the respect you get from everyone, including your mother, increases massively. When you're built like a **** brick house she won't say anything. It happened with me unintentionally. Don't know why, I didn't become more agressive or anything, just the sheer presence I guess.
    I went to the gym a lot for the last few months and I play a lot of sports, even some contact sports so I'm not a wimp, I mean I'm pretty well build already, but it just means that she gets to call me fat a lot more often. My brother is 25 and wears 26" jeans, apparently I'm fat because my waist is bigger than his. :/


    I really don't know what to do, the telling her and then refusing to talk to her until she changes sounds appealling but I'm not sure it'd even work particularly well. She has my msn and likes to go on there and piss me off (it's incredible how quick she can do it) and my mobile and my uni address. You guys don't think it would be harsh to refuse to see her unless she changes?
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    Don't completely refuse to talk to her - just phone her up (or maybe just wait until she next asks you to stay) and tell her that although you still want her in your life, you won't be coming to stay with her until she changes the way she treats you.
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    Perhaps she's just trying to 'banter' with you but failling. She's probably struggling to adjust to you being an 'adult' and doesn't know how to be with you anymore. I find my Mum doesn't know how to interact with me as much as she used to - you don't need your Mum to cook your meals or make your packed lunch anymore and she's probably feeling a bit lost.
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    They **** you up, your mum and dad.
    They may not mean to, but they do.
    They fill you with the faults they had
    And add some extra, just for you.

    But they were ****** up in their turn
    By fools in old-style hats and coats,
    Who half the time were soppy-stern
    And half at one another's throats.

    Man hands on misery to man.
    It deepens like a coastal shelf.
    Get out as early as you can,
    And don't have any kids yourself.


    Philip Larkin
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've tried telling her that I don't like her saying things like that to me, she just laughs and says how she's only telling the truth.

    It sounds pathetic but I don't like confrontation, so I don't like shouting at people or causing a fuss, but I do try to tell her to stop it; like today when she said how the man thought I looked like a freak I asked why do you say things like that to me and told her that it hurts and she just laughed about it. :confused:




    I went to the gym a lot for the last few months and I play a lot of sports, even some contact sports so I'm not a wimp, I mean I'm pretty well build already, but it just means that she gets to call me fat a lot more often. My brother is 25 and wears 26" jeans, apparently I'm fat because my waist is bigger than his. :/


    I really don't know what to do, the telling her and then refusing to talk to her until she changes sounds appealling but I'm not sure it'd even work particularly well. She has my msn and likes to go on there and piss me off (it's incredible how quick she can do it) and my mobile and my uni address. You guys don't think it would be harsh to refuse to see her unless she changes?
    26"! What a scrawny fooker. What's your waist size and height and weight? I'll tell you if you're fat. Surely that doesn't offend you if you know you're not fat. You don't have to care what she thinks anymore.
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    (Original post by KaramelRose)
    Perhaps she's just trying to 'banter' with you but failling. She's probably struggling to adjust to you being an 'adult' and doesn't know how to be with you anymore. I find my Mum doesn't know how to interact with me as much as she used to - you don't need your Mum to cook your meals or make your packed lunch anymore and she's probably feeling a bit lost.
    I'm not sure it's that. She's always been like this to me. She does similar to my siblings but not nearly as much. The bit I don't understand is that I'm the one who does most for her, the other day I sorted out her car insurance renewal, I set up the new tv yesterday and I always do stuff for her.

    (Original post by kratos90)
    26"! What a scrawny fooker. What's your waist size and height and weight? I'll tell you if you're fat. Surely that doesn't offend you if you know you're not fat. You don't have to care what she thinks anymore.
    It's not just the being fat thing that gets to me. She told me when I was 12 that I was a total disappointment to her. The "you're fat" thing along with "you look like a freak" is her favourite.

    6' 12stone exactly and 32" waist. I know I'm a little overweight right now but I'm fairly sure it's within the normal range.



    So no one thinks it'd be overly harsh to explain that I'm not going to contact her until she changes?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm not sure it's that. She's always been like this to me. She does similar to my siblings but not nearly as much. The bit I don't understand is that I'm the one who does most for her, the other day I sorted out her car insurance renewal, I set up the new tv yesterday and I always do stuff for her.



    It's not just the being fat thing that gets to me. She told me when I was 12 that I was a total disappointment to her. The "you're fat" thing along with "you look like a freak" is her favourite.

    6' 12stone exactly and 32" waist. I know I'm a little overweight right now but I'm fairly sure it's within the normal range.



    So no one thinks it'd be overly harsh to explain that I'm not going to contact her until she changes?
    That doesn't even sound a little overweight to me. No it wouldn't be harsh at all.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So no one thinks it'd be overly harsh to explain that I'm not going to contact her until she changes?
    I think that is RIDICULOUSLY harsh. She's your Mom. I've not always had the best relationship with my parents (I was kicked out a few years ago) but I would never cut contact with them or ask them to change their behaviour. Have you tried just saying to your Mum that it upsets you when she calls you fat and a freak? Deal with this like an adult, rather than a child throwing his toys out of the pram.

    Whether you think so or not, you're Mum has probably made tons of sacrifices for you and you'd really be straining your relationship with her if you told her you were going to cut contact unless she is 'nice' to you.
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    (Original post by KaramelRose)
    I think that is RIDICULOUSLY harsh. She's your Mom. I've not always had the best relationship with my parents (I was kicked out a few years ago) but I would never cut contact with them or ask them to change their behaviour. Have you tried just saying to your Mum that it upsets you when she calls you fat and a freak? Deal with this like an adult, rather than a child throwing his toys out of the pram.

    Whether you think so or not, you're Mum has probably made tons of sacrifices for you and you'd really be straining your relationship with her if you told her you were going to cut contact unless she is 'nice' to you.
    I already explained that I have tried telling her that it upsets me:
    "Today when she said how the man thought I looked like a freak I asked why do you say things like that to me and told her that it hurts and she just laughed about it."

    A few months ago she was telling me how disgustingly fat I am, I told her it hurt with tears in my eyes and again, she laughed and said she's just telling the truth. She keeps telling me that I'm unemployable because I look too much like a freak and I should forget about my dreams because I'm never going to achieve them.

    I keep asking her to stop it, I don't shout at her I just ask why do you do that and tell her that it hurts. I think that's a pretty adult way of dealing with things, what do you suggest then if I'm being such a child?
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    Don't go to see her, simple. If my folks were actually hurtful to me (they do annoy me but theyre never nasty) I wouldn't go to see them. Ever. Even if it meant having to quit uni and work full time somewhere crappy to support myself.
 
 
 
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