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If asked, do you think you would do this for your friend? watch

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    Basically, a close friend from uni died not long before we were all due to start our new semester. After it happened, some of us went to the funeral, but not everyone could make it - stuck at home(in far-away locations!) until they could move back into student accomodation.

    Anyway, I came up with this idea to have some kind of event one night to celebrate my friend's life. I have our tutor helping with it, along with friends. We want to have a kind of reading...he was an English student, so we were going to read out some of his poetry(talented stuff), along with other bits and pieces by his favourite writer and the most important part of all: having friends say a few words about him. Now a couple of friends have jumped at the chance to share a memory or say a few things, but a lot of them would rather not :confused: I don't know if this is to do with public speaking or what, but this is a one time thing and I know without a shadow of a doubt he would've done it for them.

    Once we've had this part of it, we're hopefully going to have some live music played, maybe acoustic Aside from that people can just sit and listen, chat and mingle as they please!

    I now have a venue, but I need to know people are willing to contribute. I know it's a nervy thing to get up in front of people etc, but it's a one-time thing. If someone asked you to do this, what do you think you would do?
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    I would! It would be an honor really
    And I'm sorry to hear you lost your friend
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    (Original post by emilylikeeee)
    I would! It would be an honor really
    And I'm sorry to hear you lost your friend
    Maybe I should just have you talk at it! Ha ha...thank you.
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    Sorry for your loss And yes, I would, I'm not the most confident person in terms of speaking in front of a lot of people, but for a close friend I definitely would.
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    (Original post by Karishma.18)
    Sorry for your loss And yes, I would, I'm not the most confident person in terms of speaking in front of a lot of people, but for a close friend I definitely would.
    Thank you. Yeah exactly, that's what I thought...why on earth would people not do it?

    I'm interested to hear the male take on it too...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you. Yeah exactly, that's what I thought...why on earth would people not do it?

    I'm interested to hear the male take on it too...
    Hmmm, some people may still feel very emotional about it and fear that they wouldn't be able to control their emotions while speaking about him Best of luck getting people involved, it's a very thoughtful idea
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    The Irish have been doing this for years. It is a very good thing and only the stingiest of people wouldn't contribute.
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    I would for some friends. It depends who it was tbh. For some of my friends I'd think other people had more right to talk about them as they were closer. But if I thought I had the right over most people, I'd talk. Public speaking isn't a problem for me.
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    That's a really nice idea.
    I'd do it if I was in the same situation, although I'd probably break down 30 seconds in, emotional wreck that I am.
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    I dont think you should be too hard on your friends that dont want to stand up and say anything. Its hard to speak publicly about your feelings and expecially in such an emotionally charged atmosphere. If they dont want to stand up and speak it doesnt mean they loved him any less.
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    i wouldn't be comfortable with talking like that, a bit to do with fear of public speaking but mostly because i find it a bit invasive... i'd definitely attend though...
    you sound like a good friend to be going to all this trouble.. sorry to hear that he died
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    It depends who. For my best friend, I would without any hesitation but for others, who I'm less close to, I wouldn't as It would feel disrespectful (as in only those closest to the person should have a say...). I know I'd be an emotional wreck, and no one would be able to understand me through my sobs.
    Sometimes though maybe words aren't needed. At my cousins funeral her favourite songs were played and then everyone could reflect on their own memories of her. I thought that was nice.
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    I would, but I'd be a bit anxious about tearing up during.
    I can sort of understand why they may feel reluctant too.
    I'd do it for any mate, but for some people, talking about it will likely spark off emotions and memories and set them off crying, and that, in front of people, can be scary.
    At least some people are doing it, look at it that way!

    On a side note: Its a very, very nice, thoughtful idea you're doing.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i wouldn't be comfortable with talking like that, a bit to do with fear of public speaking but mostly because i find it a bit invasive... i'd definitely attend though...
    you sound like a good friend to be going to all this trouble.. sorry to hear that he died
    Why invasive? Well, that's exactly it. Some people are saying 'Yeah, let me know when it's all sorted', as in, when all the work is done. If people aren't willing to contribute, there won't be an event.
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    Some people just might not be comortable doing it because theyre too emotional. At my brothers funeral, none of my family could get up to say anything, we had to get a friend to do it.

    Also, they might think he wouldnt want them to say something
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    I'd do it in a heartbeat.
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    (Original post by Hylean)
    The Irish have been doing this for years. It is a very good thing and only the stingiest of people wouldn't contribute.
    ...just look at some of the responses so far. I'm glad to hear peoples opinions, but people seem to be more concerned with the way they will look...I don't understand it at all.

    And bear in mind, 2 months will have passed since his death once this event happens. Surely people will be able to talk a little less emotionally by then? I just know because I want to do it enough, I'll do it no matter what. But I don't want to be having to force people either...
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    (Original post by BethSwift)
    I'd do it in a heartbeat.
    :yup:
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    (Original post by Trigger)
    I dont think you should be too hard on your friends that dont want to stand up and say anything. Its hard to speak publicly about your feelings and expecially in such an emotionally charged atmosphere. If they dont want to stand up and speak it doesnt mean they loved him any less.
    I haven't been hard on them, but they all said they would contribute and now a few seem to be slowly backing out. Remember though, it will have been 2 months since the incident, and yes still emotional, but I think it will be a different atmosphere from the funeral.

    I've never spoken publicly about my feelings either, but it doesn't have to be feeings, it can be a memory or something else. Thanks though, I said I wanted other outlooks.
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    Personally I probably would in this situation, but I can completely understand why people might not want to, for non-malicious reasons as well. It's not simply 'swallowing the nerves' to do it for him, it's also whether they can actually do it. I know it's not a funeral but it's kind of like one, and sometimes people just can't do that; my cousin spoke at my grandads funeral and stopped half way then her sister had to take over. I didn't speak at all, I just talked to them about my part of the contribution but it felt too weird to get up and talk.

    Maybe if you're gonna speak about him volunteer to say some things on others behalf if they don't want to speak themselves.

    By the way, well done for what you're doing, it's really nice.
    xxx
 
 
 
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