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If asked, do you think you would do this for your friend? watch

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    Why does it bother you? He was their friend too, and isn't it their choice how they want to commemorate him? It's lovely that you want to do this, but making other people do it, is rather losing view of the point of it.
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    I would for someone who was close to me. However, for other who didn't know him very well it might put them in an uneasy position which is why they backed out. I'm sorry for your loss
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    I don't think I would to be honest. I wouldn't know what to say, and I'd be worried I would be too upset to say anything.
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    (Original post by PrincessAriadne)
    Why does it bother you? He was their friend too, and isn't it their choice how they want to commemorate him? It's lovely that you want to do this, but making other people do it, is rather losing view of the point of it.
    It wouldn't have bothered me if they'd told me then that they didn't want to do it. Like I say, people said they would at the time and seem less keen to do it now.
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    (Original post by Fragile_Illusions)
    I don't think I would to be honest. I wouldn't know what to say, and I'd be worried I would be too upset to say anything.
    But you wouldn't even try to overcome those fears? It's a one-time thing, and those people won't be gathered like that for him again.

    I suppose I can only go on how I feel. Plus, it's hard asking others what they would do, you probably don't really know until you're in that situation yourself.
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    (Original post by S_123)
    I would for someone who was close to me. However, for other who didn't know him very well it might put them in an uneasy position which is why they backed out. I'm sorry for your loss
    I've even had a friend who didn't know him offering to say read something out. But maybe that's easier because she's seperate from it I don't know...thanks.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But you wouldn't even try to overcome those fears? It's a one-time thing, and those people won't be gathered like that for him again.

    I suppose I can only go on how I feel. Plus, it's hard asking others what they would do, you probably don't really know until you're in that situation yourself.
    If it were someone really close to me I think I might, but I honestly don't know how I would actually feel.
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    This bowl is for your friend, anyways... if he was my best friend I would contribute to the event, but if it was just a friend I would let their best friends take control and if they wanted me to contribute i would happily do so.
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    (Original post by kpwxx)
    Personally I probably would in this situation, but I can completely understand why people might not want to, for non-malicious reasons as well. It's not simply 'swallowing the nerves' to do it for him, it's also whether they can actually do it. I know it's not a funeral but it's kind of like one, and sometimes people just can't do that; my cousin spoke at my grandads funeral and stopped half way then her sister had to take over. I didn't speak at all, I just talked to them about my part of the contribution but it felt too weird to get up and talk.

    Maybe if you're gonna speak about him volunteer to say some things on others behalf if they don't want to speak themselves.

    By the way, well done for what you're doing, it's really nice.
    xxx
    Ok, I take that on board.
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    Don't take it out on them: they're free to feel as they do, and, let's face it, talking isn't going to bring him back and it isn't necessarily a sign of respect (after all, folk who hated him may well be able to gush with false praise -- and, heck, funerals are full of false praise! -- whilst those who cared about him may not be able to bring themselves to talk). I respect the effort you've gone to, but don't assume that everyone deals with things in the same way as yourself.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you. Yeah exactly, that's what I thought...why on earth would people not do it?

    I'm interested to hear the male take on it too...
    How close-minded are you? Sure, you've lost your friend, but have you considered that people grieve differently to you? I have lost a number of close friends and I have always preferred to grieve alone and quietly - some people just don't want to display their feelings to the whole world. Leave them be and respect their decision. They don't have to prove **** all to you - who do you think you are?

    Best wishes.
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    Some people just wouldn't want to :dontknow: maybe they want to grieve in different ways, don't force them.

    I stood up and read a passage about my grandma at her funeral, and that was really nice, but my cousins were too hysterical to even stop crying for a few mins during the service :dontknow:
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    (Original post by emilylikeeee)
    I would! It would be an honor really
    And I'm sorry to hear you lost your friend
    I hope you're American, otherwise I am very disappointed.
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    (Original post by SatanIsAwesome)
    I hope you're American, otherwise I am very disappointed.
    The original English was actually 'honor' -- the Americans retained this, and we're the odd ones for deciding to throw a u in there. It derives ultimately from the Latin honos (genitive form = honoris).
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    (Original post by jismith1989)
    The original English was actually 'honor' -- the Americans retained this, and we're the odd ones for deciding to throw a u in there. It derives ultimately from the Latin honos (genitive form = honoris).
    What exactly is your point?
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    (Original post by Final Fantasy)
    How close-minded are you? Sure, you've lost your friend, but have you considered that people grieve differently to you? I have lost a number of close friends and I have always preferred to grieve alone and quietly - some people just don't want to display their feelings to the whole world. Leave them be and respect their decision. They don't have to prove **** all to you - who do you think you are?

    Best wishes.
    Well, look, I wasn't just asking the question so everyone said 'I would definitely do, why wouldn't you want to!', I was genuinely asking for other perspectives so I wouldn't say that is close-minded.

    And it's not like I've been hassling them...at what point in the thread did I say 'I can't f****** believe they won't do it :mad: '. So, I respect your thoughts on saying some people grieve quietly and therefore differently, because I want to hear other perspectives. 'Who do you think you are?' doesn't help though. I'm only someone who is trying to help, that is all.
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    (Original post by jismith1989)
    Don't take it out on them: they're free to feel as they do, and, let's face it, talking isn't going to bring him back and it isn't necessarily a sign of respect (after all, folk who hated him may well be able to gush with false praise -- and, heck, funerals are full of false praise! -- whilst those who cared about him may not be able to bring themselves to talk). I respect the effort you've gone to, but don't assume that everyone deals with things in the same way as yourself.
    Where have I said I was taking it out on them? No, it won't bring him back but it has helped us. It's just hard because a lot of people said they were on board at first and I felt good about it happening, it's the fact people seem less keen now.

    I don't know how else I could go about having such an event without his friends speaking at it as well? The tutor said he is very happy to read things out, but it can't just be him, plus me, and a couple of others...
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    That must be a really difficult thing to deal with
    I wouldn't think twice about saying something if that ever happened to a close friend of mine, God forbid
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well, look, I wasn't just asking the question so everyone said 'I would definitely do, why wouldn't you want to!', I was genuinely asking for other perspectives so I wouldn't say that is close-minded.

    And it's not like I've been hassling them...at what point in the thread did I say 'I can't f****** believe they won't do it :mad: '. So, I respect your thoughts on saying some people grieve quietly and therefore differently, because I want to hear other perspectives. 'Who do you think you are?' doesn't help though. I'm only someone who is trying to help, that is all.
    If you want to know more on the topic of why people grieve the way they do and the different perspectives, research grief in psychology and the psychology of death and generally how the mind works. Often the case is related to childhood experiences.

    Trying to help and actually helping are two different things. Just drop it and do whatever it is you're going to do yourself.

    Best wishes.
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    (Original post by SatanIsAwesome)
    I hope you're American, otherwise I am very disappointed.
    Nope, hardcore Brit here.
    Sorry to disappoint though.
 
 
 
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