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    Sorry if this is long but please read

    I started uni a few weeks ago and now i feel really torn. Before i left my mum was diagnosed with depression as she couldn't cope with her oldest child (me) leaving as well as the fact that it's been a tough few year for us as a family because my dad lost his job, one of my grandmothers was paralysed by cancer and the other was put into a care home as she has alzhimers, and she (my mum) was signed off work for 2 weeks. I feel really guilty about this and i don't know why, but i think about it every night, and find myself talking to her on msn/facebook or on the phone every other day, which is making me home sick because she keeps telling me about my cat, who i miss dearly because she was a 10th birthday present and everyday for the last 8 years until i came to uni i have been feeding her and caring for her and also she has been sleeping on my bed day and night which is making me want to go home. as waking up in the morning without her there is really strange. My home is 65 miles from my uni and i can't drive so it's not easy for me to get home and i know this in my head yet i still miss home greatly.

    It doesnt help that at the weekends most of my halls of residence go home, and those left are heavy drinkers. My mum is tea total and i never ever saw her drink when i was at home, however my dad drinks frequently and if it wasn't for my mum i know he'd be an alcoholic. So i'm torn between drinking and not. I've never really experinced a nightlife as i was quiet at school and a typical "nerd" and i was also very badly bullied so had only a few friends. So tonight i decided to go out with the rest of them, and i'm a natural lightweight being only 5ft 2 tall and weighing 7.8 stone. I had a few drinks but still felt really out of my depth and all i wanted to do was go back to my room in my halls and sleep. I'm smaller than the others and don't wear makeup so look dead young for my age. They all moved onto a different club which i couldn't get into because the bouncer thought i had fake id (which i didn't but i was too scared to argue) so called a taxi and got back to uni. I managed to sober myself up and now feel quiet bad for bailing out early and also annoyed that none of the group stood with me and made sure i got back to uni safe. I'm considoring being tea total but i do enjoy the odd drink with people i know and trust, but trust is hard to find.

    I love my course and have made some decent friends on it, but i feel really out of my depth when it comes to the nightlife. I haven't joined any societies because none of them take my fancy and i really don't want to start my own because i'm doing a teaching course which will have me on placement 5 weeks in the 1st year, and gradually building up til 3rd year where i'm on placement for 3 months this will quite possibly take me away from uni and i don't want to let people down. I get lonely sat in my room all the time, and when i go down to the SU bar it's all people pre-drinking or watching the football, which i'm not interested in. I'm seriously considoring a transfer but i don't want to let my family down, i'm the first person in my family to ever go to uni so i feel like im in a catch 22, and i don't want to be too close to home as i still want my independance, which i am gradually gaining from cooking and shopping for myself. My friends from the course live in halls of residence off campus and i have checked but there is no rooms available in them. I seriously don't know what to do.
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    Self esteem and true belief in yourself and your future will help you get through these tough times.
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    You don't have to club and party all the time to find friends, OP. Don't feel that you have to be pushed around by your flatmates/coursemates or you won't 'fit in' - it's your life, and you're not living it for them.

    As for being homesick...your situation sounds difficult. It will sound silly but I understand about the pet thing - I miss my cat every day and I'm a second year haha! - but as long as you keep in contact fairly regularly then your family will cope fine without you, cat included. Feeling homesick is a natural part of moving away for Uni & everyone will have felt the same at some point, but it gets better the longer you stay in the new place, and the more effort you put into making a new life for yourself there.

    Also, if your hallmates are heavy drinkers and it's not your scene, you could try to switch flats perhaps?
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    (Original post by AmyJ)
    You don't have to club and party all the time to find friends, OP. Don't feel that you have to be pushed around by your flatmates/coursemates or you won't 'fit in' - it's your life, and you're not living it for them.

    As for being homesick...your situation sounds difficult. It will sound silly but I understand about the pet thing - I miss my cat every day and I'm a second year haha! - but as long as you keep in contact fairly regularly then your family will cope fine without you, cat included. Feeling homesick is a natural part of moving away for Uni & everyone will have felt the same at some point, but it gets better the longer you stay in the new place, and the more effort you put into making a new life for yourself there.

    Also, if your hallmates are heavy drinkers and it's not your scene, you could try to switch flats perhaps?

    I tried to switch flats but the accom team are being really silly and saying they won't switch anyone until 24th January (once the xmas vacation is over basically) at the earliest :mad:
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    (Original post by bellacute)
    I tried to switch flats but the accom team are being really silly and saying they won't switch anyone until 24th January (once the xmas vacation is over basically) at the earliest :mad:
    Oh, that's useless.

    Do they keep you awake being noisy etc or do they just like going out a lot? If it's not that intrusive, just let them do their own thing, and you do yours. The whole "flatmates must b bezzies 4eva!" mentality has always made me laugh, it's such a myth.
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    (Original post by AmyJ)
    Oh, that's useless.

    Do they keep you awake being noisy etc or do they just like going out a lot? If it's not that intrusive, just let them do their own thing, and you do yours. The whole "flatmates must b bezzies 4eva!" mentality has always made me laugh, it's such a myth.
    Depends on the night, usually on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursday which are the big nights out in town, the SU and the club down the road they can be noisy, usually weekends are quieter cuz there's less of them or they go to liverpool and crash at a hotel/mates.
 
 
 
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