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Mr Right watch

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    (Original post by evantej)
    I think you are cynical and naive. For example, you are 19-year-old and managed to find what looked like the perfect guy; intelligent, witty, caring, put me first all the time, very very attractive, wor[l]dly, tall etc., etc.. Do you not realise how ridiculous that sounds? Ignoring the physical criteria, the suggestion that a 19-year-old male is caring, intelligent, witty and worldly is utterly ridiculous. In a simple sense, it seems that you do not understand what intelligence, wit, or 'to be worldly' actually mean. Please feel free to explain how this male was intelligent, witty or worldly! In a serious sense, you equate caring with 'put[ting you] first all the time'.

    And this is no slight against men as women are just as bad at this age, if not worse since they labour under the pretension of maturity. You judge your break-up with this man as a good thing, because he was cheating on his girlfriend with you when it was a terrible thing; if you had any sense of remorse you would tell his (current) girlfriend.

    The reality is that young people cheat because they are immature and still adapting to the emotional and physical boundaries of a monogamous relationship (notice how you overcompensate with what you consider cheating?), which run contrary to their biological instinct; if you think men are the only ones who are promiscuous then you are severely mistaken. In this sense, long-term relationships in your teenage years (i.e. your three-year relationship) are rather meaningless in the grand scheme of things; you may have shared experiences (losing your virginity, for instance) but the relationships lacks any sort of emotional depth that makes them memorable.
    To be fair, it's entirely possible a 19 year old could be all of those.
    'Worldly' would be difficult, but the others are not out of the question.
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    (Original post by evantej)
    I think you are cynical and naive. For example, you are 19-year-old and managed to find what looked like the perfect guy; intelligent, witty, caring, put me first all the time, very very attractive, wor[l]dly, tall etc., etc.. Do you not realise how ridiculous that sounds? Ignoring the physical criteria, the suggestion that a 19-year-old male is caring, intelligent, witty and worldly is utterly ridiculous. In a simple sense, it seems that you do not understand what intelligence, wit, or 'to be worldly' actually mean. Please feel free to explain how this male was intelligent, witty or worldly! In a serious sense, you equate caring with 'put[ting you] first all the time'.

    And this is no slight against men as women are just as bad at this age, if not worse since they labour under the pretension of maturity. You judge your break-up with this man as a good thing, because he was cheating on his girlfriend with you when it was a terrible thing; if you had any sense of remorse you would tell his (current) girlfriend.

    The reality is that young people cheat because they are immature and still adapting to the emotional and physical boundaries of a monogamous relationship (notice how you overcompensate with what you consider cheating?), which run contrary to their biological instinct; if you think men are the only ones who are promiscuous then you are severely mistaken. In this sense, long-term relationships in your teenage years (i.e. your three-year relationship) are rather meaningless in the grand scheme of things; you may have shared experiences (losing your virginity, for instance) but the relationships lacks any sort of emotional depth that makes them memorable.
    Wow.. you've made quite a few assumptions there! The guy I was seeing was actually 28 years old doing his phd at the same university as me. Of course I understand what wit, intelligence and worldliness mean, you are ridiculous! Wit is a form of humour which is intelligence.. Clearly he is intelligent since he's doing his phd at a respected university. I've seen one of his papers that has been published, and he's developed a robotic hand for amputees. He is no fool. He is worldly, he's done a lot of travelling and knows a lot about other cultures. You, in fact, are the naive one to assume that I'd be dating a 19 year old, and also to sincerely believe younger people cannot be all of these things. They absolutely can. Putting me first is a sign of caring, but not the only one he showed me, just the only one I cared to mention.

    It was a good thing that we stopped seeing each other because it was unfair on both me and his girlfriend. You are an idiot. Of course I know it was a terrible situation, and again you assumed I didn't tell the girl, when I did. Of course I did! You are utterly stupid, trying to sound clever.

    It's not just young people that cheat. Men in their 50's are having full blown affirs. I can't understand how you can actually believe what you are saying is true. YOU'RE INSANE.

    You can have a meaningful relationship when you're young. Just because you may not have found anyone to stay with you long enough to find out what you mean to eachother does not mean other people aren't capable of doing so.
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    (Original post by Chumbaniya)
    What the hell? If you care about someone and love them, the thing you do more than anything else is trust them. If I could trust a girl to be around guys without enforcing stupid rules about dancing and flirting, I wouldn't be going out with her.
    In order to trust someone they'd have to be a person that didn't do those things in the first place. We just have different views about what's acceptable in a relatioship, that's all
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    (Original post by Mann18)
    So by very definition, not perfect?

    This is why quantifying traits never really works past aesthetics.
    The balance would end up being what was perfect :P
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    The perfect is the enemy of the good. - Voltaire

    don't try and have perfect relationships - just have good ones instead.

    I blame that 'sex and the city' :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by emma.191)
    Wow.. you've made quite a few assumptions there! The guy I was seeing was actually 28 years old doing his phd at the same university as me. Of course I understand what wit, intelligence and worldliness mean, you are ridiculous! Wit is a form of humour which is intelligence.. Clearly he is intelligent since he's doing his phd at a respected university. I've seen one of his papers that has been published, and he's developed a robotic hand for amputees. He is no fool. He is worldly, he's done a lot of travelling and knows a lot about other cultures. You, in fact, are the naive one to assume that I'd be dating a 19 year old, and also to sincerely believe younger people cannot be all of these things. They absolutely can. Putting me first is a sign of caring, but not the only one he showed me, just the only one I cared to mention.

    It was a good thing that we stopped seeing each other because it was unfair on both me and his girlfriend. You are an idiot. Of course I know it was a terrible situation, and again you assumed I didn't tell the girl, when I did. Of course I did! You are utterly stupid, trying to sound clever.

    It's not just young people that cheat. Men in their 50's are having full blown affirs. I can't understand how you can actually believe what you are saying is true. YOU'RE INSANE.

    You can have a meaningful relationship when you're young. Just because you may not have found anyone to stay with you long enough to find out what you mean to eachother does not mean other people aren't capable of doing so.
    It was a fair assumption to make regarding his age to be honest. I did not assume you did not tell his former girlfriend, thus the parenthesis. And I did not suggest that young people were the only people who cheated, but gave reasons as to why they cheat, which was your main gripe in the original post. I suppose it should be mentioned: women in their fifties have full blown affairs; often for 'worse' reasons than men do too.

    Nevertheless, the perfect man does not sound like a caring or intelligent person; a doctorate, assuming he passes, and published papers are not an automatic sign of intelligence. He cheated on his long-term girlfriend with, and arguably took advantage of, someone ten years younger than himself over a long period of time; if that had happened in a year or two earlier in your life it would be considered abuse and he would have been fired irrespective of his position within the academic institution (at the very least). If you have any sense, you will read through your post in a years time and question what was so perfect about this perfect man. Of course, that might mean accepting a few home truths about yourself too!
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    I think all the ladies on here will agree that I am Mr Right. :sexface:
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    (Original post by Mann18)
    To be fair, it's entirely possible a 19 year old could be all of those.
    'Worldly' would be difficult, but the others are not out of the question.
    I disagree. You only have read through TSR, which has a disproportionate amount of intelligent teenagers (apparently), to get an idea of how genuinely selfish and stupid most teenagers are. Intelligence, kindness and wit need time to mature; you need to live and learn first!

    The only 19-year-old who is one of the aforementioned, is only so in the eyes of other 19-year-olds. A five minute talk with their mum and dad would do most teenagers wonders in my opinion. :o:
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    (Original post by evantej)
    It was a fair assumption to make regarding his age to be honest. I did not assume you did not tell his former girlfriend, thus the parenthesis. And I did not suggest that young people were the only people who cheated, but gave reasons as to why they cheat, which was your main gripe in the original post. I suppose it should be mentioned: women in their fifties have full blown affairs; often for 'worse' reasons than men do too.

    Nevertheless, the perfect man does not sound like a caring or intelligent person; a doctorate, assuming he passes, and published papers are not an automatic sign of intelligence. He cheated on his long-term girlfriend with, and arguably took advantage of, someone ten years younger than himself over a long period of time; if that had happened in a year or two earlier in your life it would be considered abuse and he would have been fired irrespective of his position within the academic institution (at the very least). If you have any sense, you will read through your post in a years time and question what was so perfect about this perfect man. Of course, that might mean accepting a few home truths about yourself too!
    Fairish, but you made a lot of criticisms based on that assumption so maybe next time you should get the facts before you go ranting and raving. You implied that I hadn't told her, stop acting like you/re above me, you're not. I was only asking a simple question and you've just gone to town on every little detail, it's pretty sad that you've gone to such lengths to make yourself seem clever and mature. You definitely targetted young people as being the main cheaters of the population, maybe you'd like to read back over your own post. I know older women have affairs also, though their reasons are no worse than mens for gods sake.

    I'm sorry but they are signs of intelligence. Theydon't prove ultimate intelligence, no but they are big signs of it. If our relationship had happened 2 years ago, when I was 17, he would not have been "fired". That's just ridiculous.. and in no way would it be considered abuse. I didn't call him the perfect man, I said that he seemed it on the surface until I found out about the cheating. Obviously he wasn't perfect at all, which was the point of my post.. to find out if anyone who had found a guy like this that DOESN'T have any other issues.
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    (Original post by evantej)
    I disagree. You only have read through TSR, which has a disproportionate amount of intelligent teenagers (apparently), to get an idea of how genuinely selfish and stupid most teenagers are. Intelligence, kindness and wit need time to mature; you need to live and learn first!

    The only 19-year-old who is one of the aforementioned, is only so in the eyes of other 19-year-olds. A five minute talk with their mum and dad would do most teenagers wonders in my opinion. :o:
    You are 22! You are talking about teenages like you're in your fifties. You need a reality slap.
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    (Original post by emma.191)
    You are 22! You are talking about teenages like you're in your fifties. You need a reality slap.
    I do not pretend to be intelligent, kind or witty, that is the difference. Self-awareness is an amazing thing; you should try it! :o:
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    (Original post by evantej)
    I do not pretend to be intelligent, kind or witty, that is the difference. Self-awareness is an amazing thing; you should try it! :o:
    You have been pretending to be intelligent this whole time. Who mentioned kindness or wittiness with regards to you?

    I haven't made any comments about myself so you can't judge my self awareness. More assumptions? I also love how you've avoided my other comments
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    One thing we tend to forget is that people are constantly changing - someone who seems like the perfect mr/ms right today may stop being so in 5, 10 or 15 years because they no longer fit what you want out of an ideal partner(which will probably change as well as time passes).

    Some couples change in a 'similar direction' which keeps them happily or at least contentedly together, a lot change in different directions ... its nobody's fault if that happens.

    You might say that as we get older many of us change less and less, certainly when one is below the age of 25 or so the changes tend to be so rapid its not surprising if your relationship doesn't last during this period of your life.

    The best thing to do is appreciate the moment, enjoy it while it lasts and grow from your experiences as well as learning from your mistakes.
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    Your "mr right" is the one that loves you more than you love them..

    Anyway you're 19, your heart WILL be broken again, just enjoy the ride in EVERY sense of the word.
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    (Original post by Cloven Angel)
    One thing we tend to forget is that people are constantly changing - someone who seems like the perfect mr/ms right today may stop being so in 5, 10 or 15 years because they no longer fit what you want out of an ideal partner(which will probably change as well as time passes).

    Some couples change in a 'similar direction' which keeps them happily or at least contentedly together, a lot change in different directions ... its nobody's fault if that happens.

    You might say that as we get older many of us change less and less, certainly when one is below the age of 25 or so the changes tend to be so rapid its not surprising if your relationship doesn't last during this period of your life.

    The best thing to do is appreciate the moment, enjoy it while it lasts and grow from your experiences as well as learning from your mistakes.
    You're completely right there. Good advice too
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    (Original post by londonboi88)
    Your "mr right" is the one that loves you more than you love them..

    Anyway you're 19, your heart WILL be broken again, just enjoy the ride in EVERY sense of the word.
    Then i must be my girlfriends Mr. Right :cool: :rolleyes:
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    "Mr Right" exists alongside "Miss Perfect" and "Captain Birdseye".
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    (Original post by Chumbaniya)
    What the hell? If you care about someone and love them, the thing you do more than anything else is trust them. If I could trust a girl to be around guys without enforcing stupid rules about dancing and flirting, I wouldn't be going out with her.
    I agree. Both myself and my husband flirt with other people. I don't see the harm in it at all, because I know him, I trust him (And vice versa) and I understand that a bit of flirting is harmless and healthy in a relationship! All the ****** relationships I had when I was younger stemmed from not having this kind of trust.

    Anyways, to answer the quesion. No I've never met somebody that I've never seen any flaw in, because a person like that doesn't exist. My husband is in every way the "right" person for me, but I still see flaws. But none of these things are major flaws such as being a cheat or a liar. I don't think there's any receipe for meeting a good man either; I met my husband in a nightclub, drunk, and had sex that night. To many people that would scream out as a bad thing. But it worked for us. The only thing I can think of to meet a good man is to be a strong, confident woman who is assure of herself, who can be happy being alone and to just enjoy a relationship. I dunno. It's a difficult thing!
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    You will always need to compromise, just as you will always be hurt by loving and honouring that commitment. It's just about finding the person who'll make it worth compromising and risk being hurt for.
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    (Original post by emma.191)
    Is there really such a thing? Or will people always have to compromise. Have any of you ever met someone (and known them for at least 2 years) that you've never seen any flaw in?

    I just don't think this person exists. I'm happy to make compromises, as I'm sure most of us are, but even after compromises are made things seem to go wrong. I have quite a few male friends who seem like great guys on the surface, and that really care about their girlfriends and never want to hurt them, but I'm aware that most of them have cheated, be it a kiss, a dance or a full relationship.

    I met a guy about a year ago who seemed perfect, we shared the same interests, he was intelligent, witty, caring, put me first all the time, very very attractive, wordly, tall, just everything I look for in a guy.. we were seeing eachother for about 6 months, then stopped after I realised I wasn't ready for a proper relationship following a very recent breakup after 3 years together.. and it's a good thing too, since I found out the other day he had a girlfriend while he was seeing me and they've been together for 2 years!

    This has turned into a rant..

    but basically I just want to know if I'm way too cynical because of my personal experiences, or if other people feel the same as me. Also, whether girls seem to have a harder time finding the right person than guys do.

    Hmph:rolleyes:

    That's nice.
 
 
 
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