Boyfriend's obsession with anal

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Reformed2010
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#61
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#61
(Original post by LemonKitty)
Hi,

This is a problem that has been going on for the whole of our relationship (about a year and a half) and it goes through phases of causing lots of problems, which is happening right now.
Hi Kitty,

The younger me would have come on here and prematurely judge him gay. I've come to realise sexuality is way more complicated than what people think. The trouble is most people have friends and family who are at the other end of the scale. Who are able to easily identify as gay or straight. So its not surprising when people raise their eye brow to bisexuality.

Lets make it clear, liking or disliking anal sex is a poor way to declare some one as being gay. Heterosexual couples have engaged in anal sex in through out history. On top of this, I know some gay men who hate anal, giving, taking or both. I know a few heterosexual friends who admit to love anal, but with their female partners. But to contrary to ignorant belief, a hole is not a hole. :rolleyes:

If his truly happy with you giving him head, kissing and even anal. He could very well just be Bisexual but with a strong preference for anal. The trouble is that you two are not sexually compatible, thus you both need to come together and accept that sorry

OR

There is also the chance that his not being honest with himself over his sexuality. You'd be surprised the distance people go over fighting their sexuality. Be that gay, straight or bisexual. People get married, have kids and live a lie...

But no, I won't say his gay. What I think is fair to say, you two are not right for one another sexually. Now where you go from there is up to you two. If i was in your shoes, much to my regret I'd be forced to break up and become best friends instead.

Good luck!
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the_alba
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#62
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Sounds like you have a very meaningful relationship.
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Anonymous #5
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#63
(Original post by py0alb)
If it hurts, you're doing it wrong. Full stop.
It’s perfectly normal if it hurts, after all, the anus is not designed for sex so even when you’re ‘fully prepared’ it can hurt, so you can be doing everything right. The anus's purpose is to get rid of **** remember.

The problem we have is that approximately 0% of time is spent in sex ed lessons teaching kids how to have anal sex properly, despite the fact that 40% girls will have tried it by the time they finish uni
Why should we be encouraging young people to have anal sex; it’s not natural or necessary? You present 40% as if it's a fact, it's figure. No one can/will know what percentage of people will had anal sex by the time they finish uni, you can't measure that.

In fact. heres some interesting stats:

The results from a survey published last week.

http://eorder.sheridan.com/3_0/displ...flashprint=726

Go down to page 121 and 122, which documents the reported rates of orgasms by women in their last sexual encounter, and separates them by what that act was.

I will summarise them below:

Masturbation by partner --- 64%
Received Oral Sex --------- 81%
Regular Sex --------------- 65%
Anal Sex ------------------ 94%

Does that explain why 45.6% of 29 year olds have tried anal sex, and one third of all 18-24 year old female in a LTR report doing it on a monthly basis or greater?
Your link doesn't work but hopefully you realise my point about statistics anyway...
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TShadow383
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#64
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(Original post by kane1993x)
Well if he prefers to stick his willy in your ass what does that tell you?

He prefers sex with guys...
You're 17
Let the adults discuss please.

Allow me to spell it out for you:
If he was gay (he is openly bisexual, but not fully gay) then he would be having sex with men.
He is not, however. He is in a long term relationship with a woman.
Therefore, not gay.
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TheJonny
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#65
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If he is bi maybe he does think complete homosexuality is the way for him. It might be the psychological feeling of attraction toward men coming out in your sex life. I'm not saying he is gay now. Im saying he might.
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py0alb
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It’s perfectly normal if it hurts, after all, the anus is not designed for sex so even when you’re ‘fully prepared’ it can hurt, so you can be doing everything right. The anus's purpose is to get rid of **** remember.
Who the hell are you to say what "purpose" a girl's anus is for? Its an amazing coincidence that its exactly the right size and shape to house a penis, and that it had a cluster of nerve ending sufficient to induce orgasm. :rolleyes:


Why should we be encouraging young people to have anal sex; it’s not natural or necessary? You present 40% as if it's a fact, it's figure. No one can/will know what percentage of people will had anal sex by the time they finish uni, you can't measure that.
Sex education is descriptive not prescriptive. Its not meant to encourage or discourage anything. Its meant to give people with the information necessary to have a happy and healthy sex life. If kids are having anal sex, then its should include information about how to do it.

Again, who are you to say whats natural or necessary? I know several girls who think its extremely natural and extremely necessary. Who the **** are you to tell them what to do with their bodies?


Your link doesn't work but hopefully you realise my point about statistics anyway...

The statistics merely back up my point that

a) lots of people have anal sex
b) they do it because the girls enjoy it, not because the guys make them

I thought people might find them interesting. Heres a working link:

http://eorder.sheridan.com/3_0/displ...flashprint=726
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ubershot
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For those saying "he is not gay, liking anal =/= gay"

1. He is bisexual, so actual sex with men isn't out of the Q
2. Hetero men may like anal but they love vaginal sex, generally more so

OP is the opposite

just some points to bear in mind
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Anonymous #5
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#68
(Original post by py0alb)
Who the hell are you to say what "purpose" a girl's anus is for? Its an amazing coincidence that its exactly the right size and shape to house a penis, and that it had a cluster of nerve ending sufficient to induce orgasm. :rolleyes:
That is purpose of the anus, it's called biology. And I think you might find quite a sizeable amount of people will disagree about whether the anus is the right size (and shape) to house a penis (for which it is not designed to accommodate). That funny because it's the furthest away from the clitoris which is what gives woman an orgasm.

The statistics merely back up my point that

a) lots of people have anal sex
b) they do it because the girls enjoy it, not because the guys make them
Yeah, the statistics which mean nothing. Like I said, statistics don't prove anything because they're based on a very small proportion of the population, opinion and something which you simply will never be able to measure.
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py0alb
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#69
(Original post by Anonymous)
That is purpose of the anus, it's called biology. And I think you might find quite a sizeable amount of people will disagree about whether the anus is the right size (and shape) to house a penis (for which it is not designed to accommodate). That funny because it's the furthest away from the clitoris which is what gives woman an orgasm.


Yeah, the statistics which mean nothing. Like I said, statistics don't prove anything because they're based on a very small proportion of the population, opinion and something which you simply will never be able to measure.
There's nothing worth replying to here. My argument, basic as it was, still managed to go 3 foot over your head.

You clearly don't understand biology, and you don't understand the use of statistics at all.

I'm not surprised you're staying anonymous, because you're either trolling or you have the scientific understanding of a 5 year old. I would be ashamed too...
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Joinedup
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#70
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#70
(Original post by py0alb)

Masturbation by partner --- 64%
Received Oral Sex --------- 81%
Regular Sex --------------- 65%
Anal Sex ------------------ 94%

Hang on a minute - what it says for women is

Received anal sex
(respondents)
No 808
Yes 31

So on the face of it 3.8% women like anal... but that 3.8% REEELY like anal.

But hang on another minute

Received anal sex....... reported orgasm
(respondents)
No 808 .................. 63.2%
Yes 31 .................. 93.5%

The 63.2% of the 808 didn't get orgasms from anal sex cos they didn't have any anal sex, it's a table of the number of people having 1 or more orgasms in a month against the sexual activities they took part in in a month. NOT which sexual activities cause the greatest number of orgasms.

Given that (by you figures) 45% of women have tried anal - why do you think only 3.8% appear to stick with it?
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Anonymous #6
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out of interest what is your bfs relationship history?
it may be long winded but a good previous relationship where anal sex was pretty predominant may have been conditioned into him to make it almost second nature to want it without him realising it
mabye? :confused:
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MancStudent098
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(Original post by Joinedup)
The 63.2% of the 808 didn't get orgasms from anal sex cos they didn't have any anal sex, it's a table of the number of people having 1 or more orgasms in a month against the sexual activities they took part in in a month. NOT which sexual activities cause the greatest number of orgasms.?
Yep, as the article points out the probable correlation is that women who orgasm more easily (and frequently) are more tempted to try kinky stuff in the bedroom. It doesn't mean 91% of anal leads to an orgasm (and lets face it there's no way more than 60% of regular sex leads to a female orgasm).
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FaraxZeroIncome
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#73
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#73
(Original post by LemonKitty)
Hi,


The problem is that when we're having normal sex all he can think of is anal, and what he could be doing instead of just being in my vagina, and it kills the mood, partly because he doesn't enjoy it and partly because he feels guilty for thinking of other things and not being happy with regular sex.
Hahahaaha, he's obviously gay, and when he's bi you should run for the hills as fast as possible.
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py0alb
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#74
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(Original post by Joinedup)
Hang on a minute - what it says for women is

Received anal sex
(respondents)
No 808
Yes 31

So on the face of it 3.8% women like anal... but that 3.8% REEELY like anal.

But hang on another minute

Received anal sex....... reported orgasm
(respondents)
No 808 .................. 63.2%
Yes 31 .................. 93.5%

The 63.2% of the 808 didn't get orgasms from anal sex cos they didn't have any anal sex, it's a table of the number of people having 1 or more orgasms in a month against the sexual activities they took part in in a month. NOT which sexual activities cause the greatest number of orgasms.

Given that (by you figures) 45% of women have tried anal - why do you think only 3.8% appear to stick with it?
No thats the number that had it the last time they had sex. Hence the discrepancy.


Edit: let me clarify this for everyone: 839 women were asked:

1) the last time you had sex, what type of sex was it?

31 said "it was anal sex"

they were also asked
2) the last time you had sex, did you orgasm?

of the 31 that answered "anal sex" 29 said "yes I did" - thats 93.8%

of the 808 that answered something other than anal sex, 509 said "yes I did" - that's 63.2%


I hope that is clearer.
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Cold_sky
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(Original post by py0alb)
You're simply not sexually compatible.

Either one of you is going to have to compromise, or you're going to have to break up.

That's about the long and short of it.
This. But genuinely, well done for trying. I think most probably wouldnt keep attempting in order to solve such a problem.
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py0alb
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(Original post by MancStudent098)
Yep, as the article points out the probable correlation is that women who orgasm more easily (and frequently) are more tempted to try kinky stuff in the bedroom. It doesn't mean 91% of anal leads to an orgasm (and lets face it there's no way more than 60% of regular sex leads to a female orgasm).

No, read the details, the questions were:
a) what type of sexual activity did you do the last time you had sex?
b) did you have an orgasm during that activity?

so 93.8% of those who reported that their last sexual activity before answering the survey was anal sex said that that sexual activity caused them to orgasm - ie anal sex.

I also read the article you have got your idea from and the guy simply didn't read the figures correctly. Its not surprising, as he's obviously not a trained scientist :rolleyes

As is pointed out in the comments after the article, his supposed correlation is nothing but a misinformed presumption based upon an incorrect reading of the data.

I'm not at all surprised that 90+% of women who have regular anal sex have orgasms from it. That bears out my personal experience and the anecdotal experience of my female friends. It honestly strikes me as strange that anyone would dispute this, until I remember that TSR is mainly populated by 13 year old virgins who don't have the first clue what they're talking about...
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thisisnew
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#77
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#77
With creative use of **** I'm sure you can put him off it.
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Jeffy91
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#78
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm a straight guy and I absolutely love anal with my gf. It's tighter, dirtier and you get stronger orgasms and it just feels so wild like animalistic or something.

You could try this; my girlfriend sometimes does what's called pegging which is doing me from behind whilst she's wearing a strap-on. Sounds crazy I know but I really do enjoy it and makes me appreciate what my girl has to go through when I'm doing it to her so I guess you try that to bring you and your man closer together?

Say yes to anal!
lol this is genius :rofl:

OP you aren't sexually compatible so you will have to break up or allow each other to have a bit on the side.
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Joinedup
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(Original post by py0alb)
No, read the details, the questions were:
a) what type of sexual activity activities did you do the last time you had sex?
b) did you have an orgasm during that activity those activities?

so 93.8% of those who reported that their last sexual activity before answering the survey was included anal sex said that that sexual activity caused them to orgasm - ie anal sex. not just anal sex, but activities including anal sex
If you scroll up to table 4 you'll see the number of activities in the last sex session tabulated.

%age of women whose last sex session consisted of *just* anal sex = 0.2%

break it down by age
18-24 0.9%
25-29 0%
30-39 0%
40-49 0%
50-59 0.8%

seems there's an 'anal hole' between 25 and 50 years old. again we wonder why, if women really like it so much... why don't they do it more often?

results for all women anal in combination with other activities.

2 activities
gave oral /received anal 0.0%
received oral/received anal 0.0%
partnered masturbation/received anal 0.0%
penile vaginal sex/received anal 0.1%

3 activities
gave oral, received oral, received anal 0.0%
gave oral, penile-vaginal, received anal 0.2%
Received oral, penile-vaginal, received anal 0.6%
Partnered masturbation, gave oral, received anal 0.2%

4 activities
gave oral, received oral, penile-vaginal, received anal 1.4%
partnered masturbation, gave oral, received oral, received anal 0.0%
partnered masturbation, gave oral, penile-vaginal, received anal 0.3% (interestingly this beaks down further as 2.7% of women aged 18-24 0% other ages - maybe they realise with age this particular combo is a bit of a lopsided deal)

5 activities
partnered masturbation, received oral, gave oral, penile-vaginal, received anal 0.5%

Actually seems pretty unlikely that many women are experiencing orgasm from anal alone - except in porno movies. the top three combos including receiving anal also include receiving oral - which though I'm no anatomist seems more likely to be a cause of orgasms in a woman than receiving anal.
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hbandtr4eva
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#80
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#80
(Original post by TShadow383)
He is in a long term relationship with a woman.
Therefore, not gay.
Oscar Wilde was in a long term relationship with a woman. He was gay. Your logic has just failed spectacularly :rolleyes:
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