Boyfriend's obsession with anal

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LemonKitty
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#1
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Hi,

This is a problem that has been going on for the whole of our relationship (about a year and a half) and it goes through phases of causing lots of problems, which is happening right now.

My boyfriend admits he has an obsession with anal. I have no problem with anal itself but we've tried it a couple of times and it's really not for me, and every time has ended up with my getting upset and him getting angry with himself for doing that to me, even when it was my idea.

The problem is that when we're having normal sex all he can think of is anal, and what he could be doing instead of just being in my vagina, and it kills the mood, partly because he doesn't enjoy it and partly because he feels guilty for thinking of other things and not being happy with regular sex.

How do we sort this out? I've said we can try anal again but the truth is I'm really not comfortable with it and REALLY hate it no matter how hard I try, and am really not comfortable with me/him playing with me there to begin with. But as it is it's ruining our sex life. He wants to be able to not think about it but can't control his thoughts.

Thanks for your help x
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ubershot
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he's gay.
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LemonKitty
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(Original post by ubershot)
he's gay.
Bi actually, but that's not the issue.
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Mann18
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(Original post by LemonKitty)
Bi actually, but that's not the issue.
(It sounds like it probably is.)
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illusionz
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(Original post by LemonKitty)
Bi actually, but that's not the issue.
It probably is. He wishes he was sticking it up a man's ass.
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py0alb
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You're simply not sexually compatible.

Either one of you is going to have to compromise, or you're going to have to break up.

That's about the long and short of it.
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Mag_Nificent
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(Original post by LemonKitty)
Hi,

This is a problem that has been going on for the whole of our relationship (about a year and a half) and it goes through phases of causing lots of problems, which is happening right now.

My boyfriend admits he has an obsession with anal. I have no problem with anal itself but we've tried it a couple of times and it's really not for me, and every time has ended up with my getting upset and him getting angry with himself for doing that to me, even when it was my idea.

The problem is that when we're having normal sex all he can think of is anal, and what he could be doing instead of just being in my vagina, and it kills the mood, partly because he doesn't enjoy it and partly because he feels guilty for thinking of other things and not being happy with regular sex.

How do we sort this out? I've said we can try anal again but the truth is I'm really not comfortable with it and REALLY hate it no matter how hard I try, and am really not comfortable with me/him playing with me there to begin with. But as it is it's ruining our sex life. He wants to be able to not think about it but can't control his thoughts.

Thanks for your help x
It honestly better sounds that he better with a male.
Because gay men have anal,
and heterosexual men do like anal, but your boyfriend sounds like it is almost a fetish, a rather scary fetish,
You guys have to sort it out, soon because your sex life is going to die and then, you both are not going to feel that connexion anymore.
Then thats when cheating comes into place.
So I really do emphasise, in whatever you do, sort it out a.s.a.p cause your relationship is at stake.
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Anonymous #1
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I'm a straight guy and I absolutely love anal with my gf. It's tighter, dirtier and you get stronger orgasms and it just feels so wild like animalistic or something.

You could try this; my girlfriend sometimes does what's called pegging which is doing me from behind whilst she's wearing a strap-on. Sounds crazy I know but I really do enjoy it and makes me appreciate what my girl has to go through when I'm doing it to her so I guess you try that to bring you and your man closer together?

Say yes to anal!
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Rawr.ox
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(Original post by py0alb)
You're simply not sexually compatible.

Either one of you is going to have to compromise, or you're going to have to break up.

That's about the long and short of it.
Exactly this. x_x
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username501615
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Kudos to you for at least trying to cater for your boyfriend's fetish.

It doesn't sound like you're that sexually compatible though. One of you (it would appear that unless you're happy for him to hurt you on a regular basis, it'd have to be him) is going to have to compromise. Or, maybe you guys are going too fast with it, and need to... get you more ready for it or something? If he's just going straight for it and trying to get inside you straight away, obviously that's gonna hurt like hell.
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LemonKitty
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm a straight guy and I absolutely love anal with my gf. It's tighter, dirtier and you get stronger orgasms and it just feels so wild like animalistic or something.

You could try this; my girlfriend sometimes does what's called pegging which is doing me from behind whilst she's wearing a strap-on. Sounds crazy I know but I really do enjoy it and makes me appreciate what my girl has to go through when I'm doing it to her so I guess you try that to bring you and your man closer together?

Say yes to anal!
Thanks for not just saying he's gay like the rest of them. We've already discussed the gay aspect and it's nothing to do with gender, some girls like it too.

He's tried receiving anal in the past but doesn't like it, he just likes anal for the tightness etc, like you say.
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FMFChris
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I have to agree, gay.
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ubershot
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use tons and tons of lube and get really prepared for it?
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ubershot
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(Original post by py0alb)
There's already been more than enough moronic posts for one thread. Enjoying anal sex with your girlfriend makes you gay now?

Gay men have oral sex too, so does that mean every guy who likes getting head is secretly gay as well?

:facepalm2:
he is bi actually

but I like others suspect, he loves anal a bit more than the average straight guy
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LemonKitty
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(Original post by cheer_up_love)
Kudos to you for at least trying to cater for your boyfriend's fetish.

It doesn't sound like you're that sexually compatible though. One of you (it would appear that unless you're happy for him to hurt you on a regular basis, it'd have to be him) is going to have to compromise. Or, maybe you guys are going too fast with it, and need to... get you more ready for it or something? If he's just going straight for it and trying to get inside you straight away, obviously that's gonna hurt like hell.
It's definitely not going too fast, when we've tried it he's been super gentle and slow and lovely about it, which is why I feel bad for getting upset - I don't know why I do, it's not him doing things wrong, just me not liking it.

He's fine with not having anal, he's already accepted that, I just wish there was a way of making it easier for him or finding a way to stop him wanting it, which he wants to be able to do too.
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LemonKitty
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(Original post by py0alb)
There's already been more than enough moronic posts for one thread. Enjoying anal sex with your girlfriend makes you gay now?

Gay men have oral sex too, so does that mean every guy who likes getting head is secretly gay as well?

:facepalm2:
Thanks :o:
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username501615
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(Original post by LemonKitty)
It's definitely not going too fast, when we've tried it he's been super gentle and slow and lovely about it, which is why I feel bad for getting upset - I don't know why I do, it's not him doing things wrong, just me not liking it.

He's fine with not having anal, he's already accepted that, I just wish there was a way of making it easier for him or finding a way to stop him wanting it, which he wants to be able to do too.
Well, if you don't like it then you don't like it, and there's not a lot you can do about it. If you try it and you know for a FACT that you do not enjoy it at all, then that's just going to make you tighten up and make it even more difficult/painful.

Even with regular sex, there are ways of making yourself feel tighter for him, if that's what gets him off. Kegel exercises are a good way, or having sex with your legs closed and his on either side of yours?
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LemonKitty
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(Original post by cheer_up_love)
Well, if you don't like it then you don't like it, and there's not a lot you can do about it. If you try it and you know for a FACT that you do not enjoy it at all, then that's just going to make you tighten up and make it even more difficult/painful.

Even with regular sex, there are ways of making yourself feel tighter for him, if that's what gets him off. Kegel exercises are a good way, or having sex with your legs closed and his on either side of yours?
I've tried that, I generally tighten up during sex anyway because it feels better for both of us. I think it's just because he knows it's not the same. He's tried pretending we were having anal but it just didn't work.
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py0alb
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(Original post by LemonKitty)
It's definitely not going too fast, when we've tried it he's been super gentle and slow and lovely about it, which is why I feel bad for getting upset - I don't know why I do, it's not him doing things wrong, just me not liking it.

He's fine with not having anal, he's already accepted that, I just wish there was a way of making it easier for him or finding a way to stop him wanting it, which he wants to be able to do too.

It's a shame, but I don't really know what to suggest, other than buy a book on it perhaps. There is no reason why it wouldn't be pleasurable if its done correctly.

Attempting to get him to "stop wanting it" is both unhealthy and impossible. No matter how much he wants to, he can't change who he is. It's not like its an uncommon obsession amongst both males and females tbh.
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MancStudent098
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(Original post by LemonKitty)
Thanks for not just saying he's gay like the rest of them. We've already discussed the gay aspect and it's nothing to do with gender, some girls like it too.

He's tried receiving anal in the past but doesn't like it, he just likes anal for the tightness etc, like you say.
As the other (sensible) commenters have said, someone's going to have to compromise. You seem pretty open minded, so you might be able to find a way to enjoy it eventually. We're not really supposed to give sex tips here but I think I can PM you suggestions if you want.

Otherwise he's going to have to either give up trying it, or give up a girlfriend who doesn't enjoy it. Can't see any options outside those three really.
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