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''Just be yourself'', and other mistaken platitudes
Whoever invented the above phrase should be shot.
Moreso for those that use it in a romantic context.
My theory: that it was created by a group of the most popular and attractive people in the Northern hemisphere, in some demonic conference of romantic skulduggery. They knew perfectly well that, through being themselves, they would be able to find the perfect partner, stroll into the sunset and have beautiful, intelligent and popular children. Unfortunately, for the rest of us, that doesn't necessarily work.
Say you like someone, and so you "be yourself", just as all your friends, forum buddies, and magazines say. But then: you find out that they hate you for what you are, and spurn your offers of romance like free HIV injections from Harold Shipman. Move on, and it happens again. And again, until you realise that whoever "yourself" is, he obviously ain't up to the job. And that another "self" would probably be better off, this being anyone who isn't "yourself". This is where it all goes wrong: being "yourself" doesn't always work. Some of us need other people to be, and this is where it gets harder for us.
Another related, similarly misguided platitude is that you'll "find someone that really likes you for who you are". Again, is this just their way of screwing over the single people? "You'll get your turn soon enough"? It'll be alright on the night, just wait and everything will all turn out right? After a while, you realise that life isn't the ****ing movies. Someone's been telling you porkies, and they're most probably the one with the great relationship, the dreaming look in their eye, and dates for every day of the weekend.
And another. "There's plenty more fish in the sea".
Shame it's only you with the ****ing bait, then.
Er... to conclude this rant with a topic for discussion. Does anyone else think that these sayings are not just amazingly annoying, but actually misleading? That you'd be better off if you really were someone else? That there aren't any more fish in the sea, it's just him or her? That there are people that don't find their ideal, but just go through life with nobody, and die alone?
Sorry.
Moreso for those that use it in a romantic context.
My theory: that it was created by a group of the most popular and attractive people in the Northern hemisphere, in some demonic conference of romantic skulduggery. They knew perfectly well that, through being themselves, they would be able to find the perfect partner, stroll into the sunset and have beautiful, intelligent and popular children. Unfortunately, for the rest of us, that doesn't necessarily work.
Say you like someone, and so you "be yourself", just as all your friends, forum buddies, and magazines say. But then: you find out that they hate you for what you are, and spurn your offers of romance like free HIV injections from Harold Shipman. Move on, and it happens again. And again, until you realise that whoever "yourself" is, he obviously ain't up to the job. And that another "self" would probably be better off, this being anyone who isn't "yourself". This is where it all goes wrong: being "yourself" doesn't always work. Some of us need other people to be, and this is where it gets harder for us.
Another related, similarly misguided platitude is that you'll "find someone that really likes you for who you are". Again, is this just their way of screwing over the single people? "You'll get your turn soon enough"? It'll be alright on the night, just wait and everything will all turn out right? After a while, you realise that life isn't the ****ing movies. Someone's been telling you porkies, and they're most probably the one with the great relationship, the dreaming look in their eye, and dates for every day of the weekend.
And another. "There's plenty more fish in the sea".
Shame it's only you with the ****ing bait, then.
Er... to conclude this rant with a topic for discussion. Does anyone else think that these sayings are not just amazingly annoying, but actually misleading? That you'd be better off if you really were someone else? That there aren't any more fish in the sea, it's just him or her? That there are people that don't find their ideal, but just go through life with nobody, and die alone?
Sorry.
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Yeah, for some reason when someone says "be yourself" the american extremes of cheerleaders and nerds come to mind. just my penny's-worth
I think thats a little unfair! If you arent being yourself within a relationship then you arent being loved and its not worth the relationship! If your partner does love you for being you then they arent worth the time of day!
Lauren Hart
I think thats a little unfair! If you arent being yourself within a relationship then you arent being loved and its not worth the relationship! If your partner does love you for being you then they arent worth the time of day!
Of course you should be yourself in a relationship. However, I personaly don't find it very useful when i ask how or what would make someone like me and the only reply is "just be yourself". IMO its just a dismissal of what I'm asking and just doesn't show much effort.
I think in relationships you do have to adjust to the other person somewhat, but I've found that as soon as I act 'like myself' people get creeped out and leave. That makes me sound like a psycho; I'm not!
On the other hand, I say things like that to people simply because it sounds nicer than telling them nobody'll like them for who they are.
On the other hand, I say things like that to people simply because it sounds nicer than telling them nobody'll like them for who they are.
opiache
On the other hand, I say things like that to people simply because it sounds nicer than telling them nobody'll like them for who they are.
On the other hand, I say things like that to people simply because it sounds nicer than telling them nobody'll like them for who they are.
"This is ****. They hate me. I bet no-one'll ever like me for me".
"Well, yes. To put it frankly, you're both ugly and irritating, and both of those are understatements. You have less chance with girls than Steven Hawking has in the Olympic hurdles, and the day you pull is the day that Satan surfs iceburgs. I'd tell you to throw yourself under a bus, but that probably wouldn't even change your appearance that much. You are most likely to die alone and lonely, with the possible exception of you spending your dying seconds in the impatient arms of the NHS matron, who wants your bed for a student with a beesting. It's all over for you, kid. And I mean for good.
Well, g'night".
2 5 +
"This is ****. They hate me. I bet no-one'll ever like me for me".
"Well, yes. To put it frankly, you're both ugly and irritating, and both of those are understatements. You have less chance with girls than Steven Hawking has in the Olympic hurdles, and the day you pull is the day that Satan surfs iceburgs. I'd tell you to throw yourself under a bus, but that probably wouldn't even change your appearance that much. You are most likely to die alone and lonely, with the possible exception of you spending your dying seconds in the impatient arms of the NHS matron, who wants your bed for a student with a beesting. It's all over for you, kid. And I mean for good.
Well, g'night".
"Well, yes. To put it frankly, you're both ugly and irritating, and both of those are understatements. You have less chance with girls than Steven Hawking has in the Olympic hurdles, and the day you pull is the day that Satan surfs iceburgs. I'd tell you to throw yourself under a bus, but that probably wouldn't even change your appearance that much. You are most likely to die alone and lonely, with the possible exception of you spending your dying seconds in the impatient arms of the NHS matron, who wants your bed for a student with a beesting. It's all over for you, kid. And I mean for good.
Well, g'night".
I get that impression from some girls!!!
opiache
I think in relationships you do have to adjust to the other person somewhat, but I've found that as soon as I act 'like myself' people get creeped out and leave. That makes me sound like a psycho; I'm not!
On the other hand, I say things like that to people simply because it sounds nicer than telling them nobody'll like them for who they are.
On the other hand, I say things like that to people simply because it sounds nicer than telling them nobody'll like them for who they are.
maybe they leave because they thought you was someone else...
agree that the advice isnt really too helpful though! point taken!
funny thread.
well here is one platitude i hear all the time.
"how do u know what love is, if u have never loved before"
now by that logic i will never actually experience love because each time i think i am in love for the first time, i will reassure myself that how do i know what love is, for i have never loved before. therefore, i cannot be in love now.
people are so dumb !!!!
well here is one platitude i hear all the time.
"how do u know what love is, if u have never loved before"
now by that logic i will never actually experience love because each time i think i am in love for the first time, i will reassure myself that how do i know what love is, for i have never loved before. therefore, i cannot be in love now.
people are so dumb !!!!
Well, I agree on the be your self, it actully means that be confident about you, if you are not yourself then it's like your a fake person, even if you were popular,people like the mask that you hide your true face behind it and not you, so you're still at the same deillima . atleast when you are who you really are with your thoughts then you know there are minority of people who think you are decent enough to deserve some respect and love,plus being yourself doesn't mean you should say whatever comes on your mind, but to stand for your rules and thoughts and believes
2 5 +
"Well, yes. To put it frankly, you're both ugly and irritating, and both of those are understatements. You have less chance with girls than Steven Hawking has in the Olympic hurdles, and the day you pull is the day that Satan surfs iceburgs. I'd tell you to throw yourself under a bus, but that probably wouldn't even change your appearance that much. You are most likely to die alone and lonely, with the possible exception of you spending your dying seconds in the impatient arms of the NHS matron, who wants your bed for a student with a beesting. It's all over for you, kid. And I mean for good.
Well, g'night".
Well, g'night".
Having digested what you wrote - I have to admit you have a fair point. I think sometimes people say "be yourself" because they can't think of anything more constructive. People who say "be yourself" patently MEAN well, but I feel sometimes the recipient must be thinking "if one more person tells me to be myself, I'm gonna SCREAM".
At the end of the day, the question is, do you utter platitudes in order to avoid hurting someone's feelings, or do you be totally honest and vie for "b**tard of the year award?
Me? I like awards.
of course you should always be yourself and everyone will like you- if you are a popular, naturally likeable, "normal" person. However, if you have any atypical or unattractive features, obviously you should try to hide them to become more socially acceptable.
"There are plenty more fish in the sea"
this one really is true considering there are billions (of people) on this planet
"There are plenty more fish in the sea"
this one really is true considering there are billions (of people) on this planet
Say you like someone, and so you "be yourself", just as all your friends, forum buddies, and magazines say. But then: you find out that they hate you for what you are, and spurn your offers of romance
Why would you want to be with someone who hates you for what you are, anyway?
perkyDani
"There are plenty more fish in the sea"
this one really is true considering there are billions (of people) on this planet
"There are plenty more fish in the sea"
this one really is true considering there are billions (of people) on this planet
Yep, agree with you on that, although it's still one of the most annoying things to be told after a breakup!
Sounds to me like you just care a bit too much about it
silent p......?
Only buddhist monks ever achieve "being themselves", people are constantly changing their opinions and what they do and how they act, to try and be yourself is like trying to stay in the past. Obviously you can lie, but then again that might be "being themselves".
yeah well changing opinions is fine as long as you act upon them at the time you are being your self, like they are part of you, your thought howoften you change them
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