How did humans first discover how to have sex? Watch

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dfjr
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Do you know? I've pondered this question for a long time.
I've come up with some theories.


Theory A (if a God doesn't exist):
I believe males already knew they had to do something with their penis (innate behaviour). However they would not necessary know what to do with it, or what to "stick" it.
Females would have no idea how to have sex. They may occasionally grab a male's penis, but would have no idea what to do next, hence would stand there puzzled.
So back to the male, by trial and error, guys would start sticking their penis in holes, e.g. golf holes, potholes, holes in trees, hole in the wall etc.

Then it would suddenly dawn on them that they had to stick it in something with a pulse (in order to obtain enjoyment).
Luckily human females seemed the obvious ones to try as they would be more willing and most attractive to the male (those who stupidly tried with animals, e.g. a woolly mammoth died a painful death, hence the process of natural selection weeding out the idiots).

Of course while men knew they had to put their penis in a "hole" of the female, they did not know which one. They still are not completely sure now, explaining the existence of vaginal, anal and oral sex. Finally one male figured that vaginal sex led to the production of babies. Hence the noble tradition of sex was repeated over and over again, humans reproducing like rodents, explaining the present crisis of overpopulation in the world.



Theory B (If God exists):
Adam and Eve were the first two humans. At that time special effects were non-existant. Hence God got two dolls, a barbie doll and a ken doll to act out sex (almost like an educational puppet show), where Adam and Eve oohed and aahed at God's wisdom. God gave Adam and Eve a few Ken and Barbie dolls in order for humans to explain to their offspring how to have sex. However sometimes, by accident parents used two Barbies or two Kens instead of one Barbie and one Ken, resulting in the practice of gay sex. After a while, dolls were no longer needed to explain how sex worked, as so many people were doing it, everyone could easily pick it up.


As for the Barbie and Ken dolls, a shop was set up to manufacture these dolls. This shop became known as the world's first sex shop. Starting off from a small shop it expanded, opening up many small shops. Eventually Hasbro bought out the companies, taking control of the small shops and selling Barbie and Ken for other purposes.

Theory C
Went on H&R?


So do you agree with my theories? What are your theories?
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Aphotic Cosmos
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We didn't "discover" it, it comes naturally (ha ha, in-your-endo :ahee: )
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Victor-PP
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You are really bored, aren't you?
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dfjr
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(Original post by Aphotic Cosmos)
We didn't "discover" it, it comes naturally (ha ha, in-your-endo )
But did anyone actually figure it out themselves, or were they educated about it first in sex education class?

In fact if you think about it most people are told by others how to do it. No one really figures it out naturally. So why should we presume that it's so easy for a human to realise naturally how to do it?
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liquidblue
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This is actually a really good question! I've wondered about this too.
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Cuckoo91
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They probably just copied other animals, I'm sure after watching a few different species of animals getting it on, things started to slowly click.
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CatatonicStupor
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(Original post by dfjr)
But did anyone actually figure it out themselves, or were they educated about it first in sex education class?

In fact if you think about it most people are told by others how to do it. No one really figures it out naturally. So why should we presume that it's so easy for a human to realise naturally how to do it?
But a horse or a monkey or a dog doesn't go "C'mere son, I'd like to teach you about sex," so somewhere way back in the chain, we had to 'figure it out naturally'...and only after that point did someone start going "Y'know what, this sex malarky is pretty damned good. I wonder if the others know about it."

It probably started out as a bit of pheromone-inspired trial-and-error. "Hey, that penis-lacking person is pretty fit. I wonder if it'd be up for co-habitation..." [some time later] "...Well, I've never exactly done that before...but it was fun. Perhaps I should keep at it."
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GodspeedGehenna
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(Original post by dfjr)
Do you know? I've pondered this question for a long time.
I've come up with some theories.


Theory A (if a God doesn't exist):
I believe males already knew they had to do something with their penis (innate behaviour). However they would not necessary know what to do with it, or what to "stick" it.
Females would have no idea how to have sex. They may occasionally grab a male's penis, but would have no idea what to do next, hence would stand there puzzled.
So back to the male, by trial and error, guys would start sticking their penis in holes, e.g. golf holes, potholes, holes in trees, hole in the wall etc.

Then it would suddenly dawn on them that they had to stick it in something with a pulse (in order to obtain enjoyment).
Luckily human females seemed the obvious ones to try as they would be more willing and most attractive to the male (those who stupidly tried with animals, e.g. a woolly mammoth died a painful death, hence the process of natural selection weeding out the idiots).
Erm.. Are you under the impression that humans just suddenly appeared or something?
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LaughingBro
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Dunno but I've learnt it at primary school. Was well shocked and disgusted.
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PasserBy9
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Well, those that were too thick to figure it out obviously didn't have children, thereby you would expect that we would have eliminated that percentage of the population that still haven't figured out how to do it correctly ... but alas, you simply have to browse the H&R forum to realise that no, they seem to be very persistent.

But I suppose the real disappointment is that, with the progressive increasing of IQ and intellect, the female portion of the population have discovered that they are able to use this 'sex malarky' as a bargaining tool/treat to control the male population ... damn them!
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karateworm
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This is stupid, humans didn't suddenly appear out of nowhere. We evolved gradually, the animals we evolved from knew how to have sex and therefore, so did we!
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Reflexive
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How did sex first discover to have humans?
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Turm
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(Original post by dfjr)
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Haven't you heard of evolution? Humans didn't just appear out of nowhere.
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dfjr
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(Original post by Reflexive)
How did sex first discover to have humans?
Tis a good question
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dfjr
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(Original post by Turm)
Haven't you heard of evolution? Humans didn't just appear out of nowhere.
Evolution is just a theory. As are my theories. Except mine lack a bit more logic, but are undoubtedly more inventive.
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lovely_me
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They probably just googled it.

Failing that, posted a thread on TSR (under anon, obviously) which then descended into a debate about whether women like short men.
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Curly A
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(Original post by dfjr)
x
Here's another question.... How did humans know what to have sex for? how did they know that it was sex which lead to a woman getting pregnant?
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dfjr
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(Original post by lovely_me)
Failing that, posted a thread on TSR (under anon, obviously) which then descended into a debate about whether women like short men.
What the hell has that got to do with my thread? Really, I'm curious . I don't see how that links in to my subject matter at all :???:
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edanon
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-Biologically men and women become atracted to each other physically.
-Men, over time, realise that stroking their member is pleasurable.
-Women the same.
-Embracing and kissing is a natural way of showing effection and keeping warm.
-Both male and female genitalia are located in the same location.
-Naturally, after a few nights of sleeping together in a cave, an excited chocolate finger will find a pasty.
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Turm
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(Original post by dfjr)
Evolution is just a theory. As are my theories.
Yours are hypotheses, not scientific theories. Evolution is a scientific theory.

In science, a theory is pretty much a fact. In other words, evolution is, for all practical purposes, a fact.
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