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Love someone but cheat on them? Why?

Ok i was watching a film called "Magnolia", which is amazing film, i'd strongly recommend it...

a bit in it...one character, who is dying of cancer, admits to his wife, during the duration of their marriage, that he had committed adultery on a series of occasions, yet he said, something along the line, "I have always loved you".

Why on earth, if two people are in love, would either one of them cheat? I have no personal experience of this, neither been on the receiving or giving end of this...so why do people cheat on loved ones? Surely, this a state of love, incredibly and deeply reciprocal, can not be bettered? Perhaps there are some feeble excuses, for example, relationship is emotionally fulfilling, but somehow not physically, on a sexual relationship basis, therefore one partner looks elsewhere to fulfill this gap for physical relief...sex that 'means nothing'...you always hear this line somewhere...ie.. "but it never meant anything, you mean the world to me" etc.....

Hmmm, so is it possible for someone to love someone, yet cheat on him/her at the same time?

Wizard

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Reply 1

Dekota

Anything is possible. But I would never do it.

Reply 2

Hana_87

Yes, it is possible. If you cheat on your partner, the feelings towards your partner don't change. Its just stupid, down to the individual and very hard to genralise.

Reply 3

Love_Hearts

bit of a wierd topic this one for me. when my long term boyfriend cheated on me, he phoned me straight after (he was on a "boys" holiday in Ibiza). he said he was missing me and thats why he did it... as well as being drunk and high on something. i was devestated and it ended soon after because i couldnt trust him, and didnt want any physical contact with him.
i always swore i wouldnt cheat but i have done since being at uni. im seeing someone and really like the guy yet still managed to end up kissing another guy the other night!

Reply 4

black_mamba

The annoying thing about this issue is the way in which cheaters feel as if they simply must inform their poor partner of their deviations. Yes, they have a right to know, but I'm sure most of them would rather not (unless it is crucial for the situation) and usually by keeping this secret back, you harbour all the guilt - it acts as a punishment for the cheater.

I personally don't believe you can cheat if you are in love with someone and have commited to them. If you cheat, you were obviously not attracted enough to your partner to say no.

'It means nothing' is a lie, it means - 'I was momentarily attracted to someone else enough to have sex with them.'

Yuck. :frown:

Reply 5

Road Racer

black_mamba

I personally don't believe you can cheat if you are in love with someone and have commited to them. If you cheat, you were obviously not attracted enough to your partner to say no.

Reply 6

white_haired_wizard

Hmmm looking on it...theres some truth in what ----- says

"I believe, realisitically, that it's because monogamy isn't a natural concept".

Hmmm whats the current figure/divorce rate at the moment? 40% ish? This figure proves just that?!

Reply 7

Kondar

I've been in love with the same girl for a long time now and to be honest, other girls dont exist to me. I have yet to even be tempted to cheat on her, let alone follow through with it.

Reply 8

silver~planet

Over the summer my bf nearly cheated on me while on a "lads holiday", and I found it hard to trust him after that... but actually, the fact he said no even though he was half drunk and she was willing makes it, to me, pretty amazing. I would never cheat on him, I can't see any situation I'd be tempted, but I can sort of see how it could happen. I agree though that if you love the person enough, you wouldn't risk your relationship with them just for a quick kiss or one-night-stand or whatever.

Reply 9

RoCkPoRt

if you love someone, you won't cheat on them. if you think you love someone, yet you commit the ultimate betrayal, your full of ****. you don't deserve to be in relationship, let alone a position of trust.

Reply 10

killerbee

i guess for a bit of a rush

Reply 11

RoCkPoRt

a rush? love is not a 'rush'. neither is ****ing your 'love life' in the ass worth a 'rush'. drugs are a rush. if you want a rush, smoke some weed or snort some coke. don't **** up your chance at real happiness.

Reply 12

killerbee

RoCkPoRt

if you want a rush, smoke some weed or snort some coke. don't **** up your chance at real happiness.

but i like my nose the way it is

Reply 13

RoCkPoRt

then smoke weed... foo

Reply 14

technik

i wouldnt be capable of cheating. its dishonest and only causes pain to both parties.

Reply 15

gaia_a

that's a eally hard question to answer. why do people do anything bad/ destructive/ harmful? i believe that sometimes people simply make mistakes. i guess you could also explain that sort of behaviour as a reult of 'being swept up in the moment' or that they are too weak to resist temptation.
i have been hurt by someone cheating on me and also someone beginning a relationship with me while they were seeing someone else (something i did not know at the time). so i understand fully people's anger towards cheaters but it is way unhealthy and unhelpful to be mad forever. also, it is really easy to say 'i would never cheat' but harder to actually practice. personally i value honesty more than monogamy in a relationship. especially at our age.
sorry for the length of this post and also that it differs so greatly from what everyone else has said.

Reply 16

L i b

killerbee

but i like my nose the way it is

You'd have to be an addict of good standing before your nose suffered any cosmetic effects from cocaine use.

Reply 17

black_mamba

I agree with this to some extent, but in a way you are comparing humans to ravenous animals who cannot control their behaviour. Like you said, maybe the drugs simply remove this power so the potential-cheater feels a slave to their primal urges. So in some cases, yeah, I feel that it is possible to have a purely physical [short or long term] relationship yet still be in love with another partner.

But I'm very strongly against using this idea as an excuse. Fair enough if you were attracted to people other than your partner, but pretending as if you had no choice in the matter or blaiming drink is disgusting.

Basically I think that people who have explicity commited to their partner yet knowingly gotten drunk with someone else they fancy (urgh, hate that word) and then blame the alcohol when they make a mistake - they're *******s.

And then theres open relationships where cheating is encouraged; another can o worms. :biggrin:

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 18

MagicNMedicine

If you properly love someone you won't cheat on them - if you do, then its a sign to examine your relationship.

However I remember a few years ago working with a lass called Dawn who was engaged to her boyfriend. Me and Dawn got on pretty well in a kind of stormy friendship (argued then made up etc), but there was never any agenda like me trying it on with her or anything like that. On her leaving do much alcohol had been consumed and when I said I was going to have to leave, I gave her a hug and then to my surprise she pulled me over and started going for it with tongues for about 10 seconds.

From time to time that's passed through my mind and thought, if her fiancee found out about that he would probably have been pissed off (he was a macho man and would have wanted to kick my head in I expect) and knowing him, dumped her.

But when I think about it, was that one little moment REALLY that big a deal. I think it was just Dawn being friendly. And they got off and got married and everything was fine. Now if we'd gone off and had sex or something that might have been an issue but a little drunken kiss can sometimes happen and I don't regard it as cheating really.

Reply 19

saz_1989

Well, I've cheated on people twice. The first time I'd been going out with a guy for about 8 months. He lived 200 miles away (he moved after 4 months) and I saw him every weekend or every other weekend. He didn't treat me well. He was possessive and violent and hit me on many occasions. The guy I cheated on him with wasn't just a random. He was nice to me and treated me well, but even so, I ditched him to stay with my boyfriend (and confessed all). My boyfriend then tried to rape me and threw me down the stairs, things like that. So I split up with him after a month of this. I'm still in contact with him (his choice - he just randomly texts me - but he owes me quite a bit of money), and when I had to go meet up with him I was terrified.

Second time was with my current boyfriend at the start. We weren't particularly close even though I fancied him like hell, and one night I got really drunk and a friend who I trusted to look after me started kissing me. I hadn't seen my boyfriend for a month, and only had two emails from him in that time (no other contact) so I went along with it. I told my boyfriend everything. It was a huge drunken mistake, and I felt crap for ages, especially when a few weeks later I realised I loved him.

I guess you can't love someone and cheat on them. I didn't love the first boyfriend, cos of what he did to me. And I wasn't going out with the second one long enough to love him.

Btw, me and the second bf have now been going out for six months and are totally inseparable and in love :smile: