Unsure where i stand with this Girl [long post], feel so crap about the whole thing

i'm 18, she is 17. We met in June at a BBQ, got to know each other through email, went on a dates in July, then in august started seeing each other every few days, i'll stress here, THINGS WERE GREAT, we had such good times and I was really happy. Come september, she had to go back boarding School. I continued the relationship because i really liked her and she'd be home saturday afternoon and go back monday morning, so seeing her once/twice a week was good enough for me, and actually allowed me to focus on other important things during the week.

The "seeing her at weekends" arrangement was working out fine, gave me something to look forward to. She wa having a hard time at the boarding school but i'd ring her and give her support, even though we weren't particuly serious, we seemed commited though.

2 weeks ago we went out at the weekend, had a good time, slept over at her sisters uni flat, in the same bed next to each other, was very intimiate, things seemed perfect. The next day she tells me she found something out that made her sad. I didn't want to be too nosey so didn't ask what it was, just said get better.

The week after, i found it hard to arrange to do something with her at the weekend. She was at the her sisters flat getting drunk and sort of, being distant. Later in the night i got drunk with my mates but bumped into her in a bar with her sister. She barely paid me any attention. I told her i was leaving, she followed me outside, teared up, told me her mum has to have an operation and sheis sorry for the way she is acting. Says she needs to be with her sister, so i go home. She stays out drinking.
i'm worried about her, try to text her the next day to see if she is ok, no replies. I was expecting a call, but never got one. Eventually rang her at 8 saying i wanted to see her and say good night, but she said i couldn't, said she was sorry, and said she'd send me an email explaining everything.

got the email, i'll post some samples of it :
" lots of crap has just landed on me in the last week, such as my mum having to go through a serious operation thing while im at school and not being able to be with her"
" i cant help thinking that your just 'with me', because its comfortable and convenient, even though right now its blatantly not"
" all in all im scared with commitment, never really ever wanted it, and have this annoying habit of as soon as i can have someone, i run like hell,its how iv always been "
"it scares me when some one gets too close 2 me"
"i do miss you when im at school, and do want to see you on the weekends but, the truth is, if its between seeing you or my family right now, i have to say it would be my family"
"the reason im telling you all of this is purely because you need to know that im gonna be my worst nightmare in the next couple of weeks"

I freaked out from the email, it was such a shock that things seemed to have gone that bad, and i sent a hasty reply. I basicly felt like i'd been dumped for no reason, but when imy female friends saw the email, they told me she was just confused and freaking out because of her mum, and felt like she had alot to apologise for. I regretted sending back a hasty email, but anyway, she replied with :

"iv kinda deside that i see you as more than just friends, but cant be dealing with anything more then that at the moment. i suck i know, but for the meen time just bare with me as things might change ok, that is if you would still want it to. i also wanted to say that its not at all like the way you put it on your long e-mail, saying that now i can do whatever i want with who ever i want, if i wanted ,or could handle that at the moment it would be with you."

i replied to that saying i was fine with how things were, understood that she was having a tough time, and said i was fine if things weren't quite the same for the next few weeks until her mum had come out of the operation ok, and i'd leave it to her to get in contact with me when she next wanted to see me.

She replied saying "angel".

Today was saturday, she didn't call me like she usually would, saying what is up. I went out with my friends. Got pretty drunk, went to a student bar, and i saw her there with her sister. i went over and said hi, and tried to act normal [first time i've seen her in person since all the emails], got a few kisses off her, but, couldn't help but think she didn't really want to. Also, if she needed to be with her family, why would she be out at a student bar getting drunk? I just cant help but feel i'm getting dumped but she doesn't have the heart to say, i'm in such a gray area. i don't want to go after other girls if there is still a chance with her, which she has hinted there is, i just have to wait a few weeks. But it sucks ass.

Sorry this is very long, but it helps to write things out. I've never been dumped before, and never been left in an uncertain position before either. What a hassle.

Reply 1

RoCkPoRt

she sounds like she is full of her ****, to be perfectly honest. if my mum was still alive, and about to have an operation, i wouldn't be out getting pissed - i'd be with her. by the way she sent you that e-mail, i'd suggest moving on. it doesn't seem like she wants anything remotely relationship-y. mate... move the **** on. she obviously doesn't have the ****ing guts to tell you she doesn't want you any more, and the way she is acting is just backing this assumption up. she isn't worth it, she's playing a sympathy card, but it isn't even legit! **** her off mate!

Reply 2

Sir Joe

its just because, usually when relationships end, there has been bad **** going on for awhile. With her, its just, one weekend was "bad" and she freaked out, i didn't want to just leave it there.

i'm not one of these people that needs to be in a relationship, or chasing someone ALL the time, so, i think, i'll give it 2 weeks, because she'll be home for half term in the second week. If things dont improve over this time period, IE, her initiating contact, trying to do things, then at the end of the 2 weeks i'll delete all trace of her from my life and move on, which i've no problem doing before, its just its a gray area and if there is a chance she is sincerely confused and upset then i want to give it a chance, but i cant wait for ever. I'm young and there are plenty of girls out there that would appreciate me.

thanks for reading mate.

Reply 3

MagicNMedicine

Sir Joe

its just its a gray area and if there is a chance she is sincerely confused and upset then i want to give it a chance, but i cant wait for ever. I'm young and there are plenty of girls out there that would appreciate me.

nail hit on the head

that might be the point that needs to be conveyed to her, either face to face or in an email, not in a nasty way but in a gentle yet assertive manner,

eg -
"I think you're an amazing girl and I really like you. I want to have more than friendship, but if you don't feel the same then please let me know because I don't want to force things if your heart is not really in it. I love you but I can't wait for ever, so please let me know how you feel."

now if she does want something from you, she will recognise that she can't muck you around or she will lose you
if she doesn't really want something, you have prompted her to tell you
if she is unsure then it will force her to do some serious thinking and make up her mind

be prepared for it to go either way but remember you are entitled to be treated with honesty and openness

Reply 4

Logan

wellp both of you are still young and relationships at this age tend to go bumpy all of a sudden and sometimes gets a bit immature. But i think the woma wants to go far away as possible from you now... i think her email is trying to discourage you and it is some kind of saying.. this is it.. this is the end. But of course you can still be there for her, but i doubt that the girl is comfortable as of now. Although its too early to decide for now, just keep in touch with her and ask her for a yes or no once the time comes

Reply 5

Sir Joe

Man, i was hammered last night, not a good idea.

Its interesting that all us guys are cynical bastards, and we're all having negative thoughts about the thing, where as the 4 friends i've spoken to, all genuinly thing she is confused and freaking out.

"if i wanted ,or could handle that at the moment it would be with you" isn't something you just say, you know? she didnt have to say that, and she doesn't seem the type to completely ********. But then she is a female :/

Anyway, i stand by what i said, i'm going to give it a 2 week chance to improve, if anything, because of all the good times we had, it deserves that chance. In that time, things will either become clearer, positively or negatively, or they won't at all, which if thats the case, i'll deliver the ultimatum like above, and delete any evidence of her and move on. i mean, i did tell her "i'm fine if things aren't the same for the next few weeks", so i'll stand by what i said. But thats all Im giving her, a few weeks...

Not gonna drink again either, til this is all sorted out.