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G4ry
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#1
Report Thread starter 16 years ago
#1
Sorry, for the long post, still worth the read though.

DADDY, WHY DID WE GO TO WAR?


Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction, honey.
Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.
A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.
Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?
A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.
Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of mass destruction, did we?
A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll Find something, probably right before the 2004 election.
Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?
A: To use them in a war, silly.
Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to use in a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went to War with them?
A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend themselves.
Q: That doesn't make sense Daddy. Why would they choose to die if they had all those big weapons to fight us back with?
A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.
Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those Weapons our government said they did.
A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those Weapons. We had another good reason to invade them anyway.
Q: And what was that?
A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein was a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another country.
Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his country?
A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.
Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic competitor, where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops to make U.S. corporations richer.
Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American corporate gain, it's a good country, even if that country tortures people?
A: Right.
Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government. People who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?
A: I told you, China is different.
Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?
A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while China is Communist.
Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?
A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.
Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Like in Iraq?
A: Exactly.
Q: And like in China, too?
A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other hand, is not.
Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?
A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some Laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with Cuba until they stopped being Communists and started being capitalists like us.
Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and started doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans become capitalists?
A: Don't be a smart-ass.
Q: I didn't think I was being one.
A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba.
Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?
A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam Hussein came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a Legitimate leader anyway.
Q: What's a military coup?
A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a country By force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United States.
Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?
A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is our friend.
Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?
A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.
Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by Forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government of a Nation is an Illegitimate leader?
A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he helped us invade Afghanistan.
Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.
Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?
A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men, Fifteen of them Saudi Arabians, hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings, killing over 3,000 Americans.
Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?
A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive rule of the Taliban.
Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were from Saudi Arabia.
A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.
Q: Who trained them?
A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.
Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too.
Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.
A: Only when we helped him and the Mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.
Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald Reagan talked about?
A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We call them Russians now.
Q: So the Soviets - I mean, the Russians - are now our friends?
A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years after they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support our invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the French and the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq either.
Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?
A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French Fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.
Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do what We want them to do?
A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.
Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?
A: Well, yeah. For a while.
Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him our friend, temporarily.
Q: Why did that make him our friend?
A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.
Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?
A: Yeah*, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked the other way, to show him we were his friend.
Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomes our friend?
A: Most of the time, yes.
Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an enemy?
A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the better.
Q: Why?
A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for America. Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war is a Godless un-American Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq?
Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?
A: Yes.
Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?
A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him what to do.
Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because George W. Bush hears voices in his head?
A: Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your eyes, make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.
Good night, Daddy
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EI_123
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#2
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LOL!!!!

Great.
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G4ry
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#3
Report Thread starter 16 years ago
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Where's Vienna? She may find it an interesting read.

p.s This server busy message is really annoying me now.
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Howard
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#4
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(Original post by G4ry)
Sorry, for the long post, still worth the read though.

DADDY, WHY DID WE GO TO WAR?


Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
A: Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your eyes, make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.
Good night, Daddy
Heard it already. More American bating BS.
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Vienna
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#5
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(Original post by G4ry)
Where's Vienna? She may find it an interesting read.

p.s This server busy message is really annoying me now.
i was hoping for something a little more inventive. there wasnt much imagination or clever rhetoric in there..in fact, its pretty accurate..cant have any complaints there.

ps. im flattered. after nazi vienna, then the thread, and now this personal tribute to me...*tears*
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Kurdt Morello
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#6
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That long post seems as if it should be part of a Rage Against The Machine music video - I LOVE IT!!! People of the Sun!!! AW YEAH!!!
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Sire
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#7
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(Original post by Howard)
Heard it already. More American bating BS.
Quite brilliant actually, though heard it on the radio a few weeks ago. Enjoyed reading. Yet it is so undeniably close to the truth that it is simply uncanny. Did you really have to reply-quote the entire post though Howard?
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Juwel
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#8
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Just sent it to all my mates, top quality stuff! I think the Bengalis will appreciate it most...
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Sire
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#9
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(Original post by ZJuwelH)
Just sent it to all my mates, top quality stuff! I think the Bengalis will appreciate it most...
Good stuff lol, and to you vienna95. I'm pretty sure I posted about the Nazi Vienna95. You should be honoured. Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, or so they say.
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Juwel
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(Original post by Sire)
Good stuff lol, and to you vienna95. I'm pretty sure I posted about the Nazi Vienna95. You should be honoured. Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, or so they say.
Vienna will either argue us to sleep or choose to ignore this thread. Either way it's all true and brilliant satire.
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Vienna
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(Original post by Sire)
Good stuff lol, and to you vienna95. I'm pretty sure I posted about the Nazi Vienna95. You should be honoured. Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, or so they say.
as i highlighted on that thread, i detest socialism and unlimited executives, so er, imitation?
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Vienna
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(Original post by ZJuwelH)
Vienna will either argue us to sleep or choose to ignore this thread. Either way it's all true and brilliant satire.
um i replied already...:confused:
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Kurdt Morello
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#13
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#13
vienna do u get off on controversy by any chance - oooooh sexy lady!!!!
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Sire
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#14
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(Original post by vienna95)
as i highlighted on that thread. i detest socialism and unlimited executives, so er, imitation?
*chuckles* imitating the image you project, using the same avatar for crying out loud, though I'd like to know who it really is. Not Maskall, or Mr White. I wouldn't think of Bigcnee or yawn1 to even bother with something like that, but yeah someone has a bit of odd and original thought. You've been copied mate. You'll come out of the denial stage soon enough.
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Juwel
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(Original post by Sire)
*chuckles* imitating the image you project, using the same avatar for crying out loud, though I'd like to know who it really is. Not Maskall, or Mr White. I wouldn't think of Bigcnee or yawn1 to even bother with something like that, but yeah someone has a bit of odd and original thought. You've been copied mate. You'll come out of the denial stage soon enough.
Seems it's not so original anymore
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Elle
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#16
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#16
lol.. soo true..
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Vienna
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#17
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(Original post by Sire)
*chuckles* imitating the image you project, using the same avatar for crying out loud, though I'd like to know who it really is. Not Maskall, or Mr White. I wouldn't think of Bigcnee or yawn1 to even bother with something like that, but yeah someone has a bit of odd and original thought. You've been copied mate. You'll come out of the denial stage soon enough.
it wasnt strictly imitation. how did they copy me other than replicate my profile? it was more an attempt to slur my name...
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G4ry
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#18
Report Thread starter 16 years ago
#18
(Original post by vienna95)
ps. im flattered. after nazi vienna, then the thread, and now this personal tribute to me...*tears*
Don't be flattered, it wasn't a tribute to you. I was just wondering if you'd read it because you're always taking the side of America and being pro-war and i just wondered what sort of response you'd come up with.
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Juwel
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#19
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#19
(Original post by G4ry)
Don't be flattered, it wasn't a tribute to you. I was just wondering if you'd read it because you're always taking the side of America and being pro-war and i just wondered what sort of response you'd come up with.
Deviation, she's ignoring it
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Vienna
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#20
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(Original post by ZJuwelH)
Deviation, she's ignoring it
are you blind??

"i was hoping for something a little more inventive. there wasnt much imagination or clever rhetoric in there..in fact, its pretty accurate..cant have any complaints there. "
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