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elpaw
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#1
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#1
I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my sister to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else...

I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task.

I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank.

I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank.

I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass.

I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.

When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank.

I'm not under tha affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.
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GH
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#2
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#2
Are you drunk?
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TK
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#3
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#3
he he - made me feel drunk just reading it
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lou p lou
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#4
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#4
lol, i've heard that one before, but it still makes me giggle.

lou xxx
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elpaw
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#5
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#5
(Original post by 2776)
Are you drunk?
yes.... blame it on ollie.
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Juwel
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#6
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#6
Very good.
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Sire
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#7
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#7
(Original post by elpaw)
yes.... blame it on ollie.
*chuckles* I like that one
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elpaw
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#8
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#8
The 5 Stages Of Drunkenness

Stage 1 - SMART

This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known universe. You know you know everything and you want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course, the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING

This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Keep in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.

Stage 3 - RICH

This is when you suddenly become the RICHEST person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course you're still SMART, so naturally, you will win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet because you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because you are also the BEST LOOKING person in the world.

Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF

You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone, especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people whom you fancy and challenge them to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle, because you're SMART, you're RICH and Hell, you're better looking than them anyway!

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE

This is the final stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything, because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people whom you fancy, because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you - and because you're still SMART you know ALL the words.





PS!!!!!! PLEASE DO NOT QUOTE THIS WHEN REPLYING AS THE THREAD WILL BE TOO LONG!!!
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JSM
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#9
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#9
(Original post by elpaw)
The 5 Stages Of Drunkenness

Stage 1 - SMART

This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known universe. You know you know everything and you want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course, the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING

This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Keep in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.

Stage 3 - RICH

This is when you suddenly become the RICHEST person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course you're still SMART, so naturally, you will win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet because you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because you are also the BEST LOOKING person in the world.

Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF

You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone, especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people whom you fancy and challenge them to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle, because you're SMART, you're RICH and Hell, you're better looking than them anyway!

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE

This is the final stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything, because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people whom you fancy, because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you - and because you're still SMART you know ALL the words.





PS!!!!!! PLEASE DO NOT QUOTE THIS WHEN REPLYING AS THE THREAD WILL BE TOO LONG!!!
hehe, im the first four permanently
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Waya
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#10
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#10
(Original post by bono)
thank god a certain person hasnt been online 4 a while. place seems much better without he/she.
Really? Might I ask who he/she is?
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Spider-Man5
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#11
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#11
Hey there!

Im new around here, anyone wanna chat?

Please Email me,
Spider-Man
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DFL
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#12
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#12
Why the hell did you take orders from your sister?
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elpaw
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#13
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#13
(Original post by DFL)
Why the hell did you take orders from your sister?
because she had a knife to my balls.
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DFL
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#14
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#14
You could have at least offered to mail me the whiskey.

Why did she make you get rid of it?
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Hoofbeat
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#15
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#15
here's another good one:

"Ode to Sundays(after a fun saturday night)"

starkle, starkle little twink,
who the hell are you i think?
i'm not under what you call
the alcofluence of incohol.
i'm just a little slort of sheep,
i'm not drunk like thinkle peep.
i don't know who is me yet,
but the drunker i stand here,
the longer i get.
so, just give me one more fink to drill my cup,
cause i got all day sober to Sunday up.
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Spider-Man5
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#16
Report 15 years ago
#16
(Original post by Hoofbeat)
here's another good one:

"Ode to Sundays(after a fun saturday night)"

starkle, starkle little twink,
who the hell are you i think?
i'm not under what you call
the alcofluence of incohol.
i'm just a little slort of sheep,
i'm not drunk like thinkle peep.
i don't know who is me yet,
but the drunker i stand here,
the longer i get.
so, just give me one more fink to drill my cup,
cause i got all day sober to Sunday up.
Hey,

will print this and recite it each saturday morning!!

Do any of you guys know of a website called "Drunken.com" or sumthing like that, coz some guy at this hectic party took picks of me sober(before) and pissed(after) and told me to look on the net for them. Its apparently a site where you vote for the best drunk photo? Please, if any one knows, drop me a string.
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