The Student Room Group

Infidelity

I mean.... why?

One of my friends has been with his girlfriend for 3 or 4 years now. He's cheated on her countless times and she doesn't know about it, and probably never will.

He genuinely loves her and he's just left everything in his life behind to move with her to the other end of the country and be with her.

He knows cheating is wrong, and doesn't like that he does it. He tells himself he'd stop if it ever got as far as marriage.

He doesn't do it as much as he used to, but still meets/flirts with new girls and things can happen.

It used to happen more when he drank a lot, and he admits it was partly to impress his mates if he could pick up an attractive girl. But it can still happen now when he has the odd drink. He's never cheated while sober as far as I know.




This just troubles me.

I can't get my head around it. He's a genuinely nice and sentimental guy, and a caring boyfriend. So why? I mean, what is the point? It doesn't achieve anything!

Totally perplexed.

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Reply 1
I know what you mean, that sucks man. I cant understand why people cheat either.
Reply 2
blame the women who prey on our poor intoxicated boyfriends! stupid slaggish girls with their greasy mitts all over our drunken men!...keep your hands to yourself and find your own man!!!! (can you tell i've been cheated on, lol).
Reply 3
grace
blame the women who prey on our poor intoxicated boyfriends! stupid slaggish girls with their greasy mitts all over our drunken men!...keep your hands to yourself and find your own man!!!! (can you tell i've been cheated on, lol).


poor thing :knuddel: (sorry for the overly forward smiley - closest i could find to a hug :p: )

to be fair, none of the girls knew he has a girlfriend, they're always strangers.

i guess it just shows that men are dogs - even the ones that are nice in every other way... dunno why any of you bother with us to be honest.
Reply 4
Zurich, you're not alone in that sentiment, but for once I'm going to quit bashing my gender...
Reply 5
Zurich
poor thing :knuddel: (sorry for the overly forward smiley - closest i could find to a hug :p: )

to be fair, none of the girls knew he has a girlfriend, they're always strangers.

i guess it just shows that men are dogs - even the ones that are nice in every other way... dunno why any of you bother with us to be honest.


because we WUV you! men are wonderful, and can be sweet and loyal and there's nothing that quite compares to the look in a man's eyes when his whole face lights up, utterly enchanted by the woman he loves :smile:, or is so filled with happiness he picks his woman up and swings her around or just snuggling! i really do think men are wonderful, and if it makes you feel any better, women can be just as awful....

.....*confession time*.....please dont' hate me after what i'm about to say...but it's almost a rush when you're walking down the street and see a bf and gf hand in hand, and the guy's jaw drops and he looks you up and down, oblivious to his gf. i would hate to be in the gf's position but something about the female race is so manipulative and power-craving that we *like* to feel like we could tempt anyone to stray....am i a bad person?!:redface:

...and i think this :hugs:was what you were looking for :smile:
Zurich
I mean.... why?

One of my friends has been with his girlfriend for 3 or 4 years now. He's cheated on her countless times and she doesn't know about it, and probably never will.

He genuinely loves her and he's just left everything in his life behind to move with her to the other end of the country and be with her.

He knows cheating is wrong, and doesn't like that he does it. He tells himself he'd stop if it ever got as far as marriage.


Wow what a sacrifice, he'd stop if it ever got as far as marriage. This guy must really love her big time.
What would be interesting is how he'd react if she started cheating on him the same.
Reply 7
grace
because we WUV you!


and we do appreciate it :biggrin:

men are wonderful, and can be sweet and loyal and there's nothing that quite compares to the look in a man's eyes when his whole face lights up, utterly enchanted by the woman he loves :smile:, or is so filled with happiness he picks his woman up and swings her around or just snuggling! i really do think men are wonderful, and if it makes you feel any better, women can be just as awful....


awww. you sound like someone in love! :biggrin: forgive me, i'm moping because i'm not and it troubles me when people are and they don't know how lucky they are.

.....*confession time*.....please dont' hate me after what i'm about to say...but it's almost a rush when you're walking down the street and see a bf and gf hand in hand, and the guy's jaw drops and he looks you up and down, oblivious to his gf. i would hate to be in the gf's position but something about the female race is so manipulative and power-craving that we *like* to feel like we could tempt anyone to stray....am i a bad person?!:redface:


haha.. women are beautiful things. some are so amazing that you can't help but look. but the line between looking and touching is a pretty thick one.

and as for liking the feeling of being attractive, i think everyone would be lying if they denied it. feeling good about being desirable won't make you a bad person.... giving in to desire might though! :wink:

...and i think this :hugs: was what you were looking for :smile:


that's the fellow... i swear he wasn't there when i looked! :biggrin:
--------------
MagicNMedicine
Wow what a sacrifice, he'd stop if it ever got as far as marriage. This guy must really love her big time.


But isn't that the most confusing part?

If he loves her that much, how/why does he cheat?
Reply 8
grace
blame the women who prey on our poor intoxicated boyfriends! stupid slaggish girls with their greasy mitts all over our drunken men!...keep your hands to yourself and find your own man!!!! (can you tell i've been cheated on, lol).

Takes 2 to tango
--------------
Zurich
He genuinely loves her.

He knows cheating is wrong, and doesn't like that he does it.

He doesn't do it as much as he used to, but still meets/flirts with new girls and things can happen.

It used to happen more when he drank a lot, and he admits it was partly to impress his mates if he could pick up an attractive girl.

No offence here as he is your mate,
but if you read the quotes i made then youll see why i find him a incredibly backwards person who needs to do alot of growing up
Reply 9
MNBStyle
No offence here as he is your mate,
but if you read the quotes i made then youll see why i find him a incredibly backwards person who needs to do alot of growing up


I am his friend but I don't condone his actions. Growing up isn't all he needs to do.
Reply 10
Zurich
I am his friend but I don't condone his actions. Growing up isn't all he needs to do.


....he needs to zip up as well!

have you considered talking to his gf? depending on how close you are to her i mean; i don't know where your loyalties lie but i feel so sorry for her :'(
Reply 11
grace
....he needs to zip up as well!

have you considered talking to his gf? depending on how close you are to her i mean; i don't know where your loyalties lie but i feel so sorry for her :'(

Same here, unless she was a slut to (which its clear she isn't) she dont deserve to have a bf like that.
Nobody should blame drink for there mistakes, if you know that drinking gets you into trouble then you be carefull as to how much you drink simple.
Reply 12
grace
....he needs to zip up as well!

have you considered talking to his gf? depending on how close you are to her i mean; i don't know where your loyalties lie but i feel so sorry for her :'(


I thought about it tonight when I found out, but it's really not my place.

I don't know her that well at all, I've only met her once. I was off living in America and moving down here most of the time they were together so I never got to know her. The relationship had been pretty on/off for a while, I didn't even know it was the same girl he'd moved to live with.

As far as my loyalties go... I'm not sure. I've been friends with him for 12 years and I barely know her. But I can't help it, she has a right to know about that before she invests any more of her life in what is essentially a lie.

On the other hand, I know he genuinely loves her and wants to spend the rest of his life dedicated to her and only her. If he has turned over a new leaf since they moved in together, and he is going to be a stand-up guy from now on - is it really my place to meddle in their business, cause her unecessary pain and heartache, and possibly break up a happy couple?
Reply 13
Zurich
On the other hand, I know he genuinely loves her and wants to spend the rest of his life dedicated to her and only her.

Your mate sounds very backwards again when you read that quote, especially the word DEDICATED

Zurich
is it really my place to meddle in their business, cause her unecessary pain and heartache, and possibly break up a happy couple?

Unecessary?? not as if he just gave the odd girl 1 kiss is it???
Reply 14
MNBStyle
Your mate sounds very backwards again when you read that quote, especially the word DEDICATED]


I know, he does want to be.

Unecessary?? not as if he just gave the odd girl 1 kiss is it???


No. But she's in love and she's happy. Do you know what it's like for someone to be totally in love and completely happy, and have their whole world shattered in an instant?

How can I do that to someone I barely know when there's a chance he'll make a go of it now?
Reply 15
Zurich
I thought about it tonight when I found out, but it's really not my place.

I don't know her that well at all, I've only met her once. I was off living in America and moving down here most of the time they were together so I never got to know her. The relationship had been pretty on/off for a while, I didn't even know it was the same girl he'd moved to live with.

As far as my loyalties go... I'm not sure. I've been friends with him for 12 years and I barely know her. But I can't help it, she has a right to know about that before she invests any more of her life in what is essentially a lie.

On the other hand, I know he genuinely loves her and wants to spend the rest of his life dedicated to her and only her. If he has turned over a new leaf since they moved in together, and he is going to be a stand-up guy from now on - is it really my place to meddle in their business, cause her unecessary pain and heartache, and possibly break up a happy couple?


poor you, this must be such a difficult situation for you to be in! im sure your friend realises that he's hurting himself as well...compromising his loyalty, honesty and integrity is hardly a good thing and i'm sure the guilt must be awful. oh dear. i'm well and truly stumped. wouldnt it be so much easier if we were asexual and reproduced like strawberry plants?! there is so much to be learned from the strawberry plant :smile:
Reply 16
Zurich
How can I do that to someone I barely know when there's a chance he'll make a go of it now?

Depends how many chances hes had???
If he keeps it up i would suggest you tell this girl its totally unfair on her even if she does love him, if he keeps this up her love would techincally be based on a lie anyway.
I do respect your in a tough position thoe
Reply 17
grace
wouldnt it be so much easier if we were asexual and reproduced like strawberry plants?! there is so much to be learned from the strawberry plant :smile:


:biggrin: thank you :smile:

think i'll just have to talk to him about it tomorrow. i can't do nothing.
Reply 18
Zurich
:biggrin: thank you :smile:

think i'll just have to talk to him about it tomorrow. i can't do nothing.


[lord of the rings] just remember, dear Zurich, that the load is not yours alone to bear [/lord of the rings]
Reply 19
grace
[lord of the rings] just remember, dear Zurich, that the load is not yours alone to bear [/lord of the rings]


excellent :biggrin: you talk to him!