crushes whilst in relationships

i was discussing this with a mate the other day, we're both in serious relationships but we both still have crushes all the time, nothing major but there's always 'someone' who we kinda look out for and are a bit flirty with... now i think this is perfectly healthy to have in a relationship, as long as it just stays as a little crush and you don't act on it but one fo our other mates (who is single) totally disagreed.

what do you guys reckon? *poll to follow*

lou xxx

Reply 1

ChemistBoy

16

lou p

i was discussing this with a mate the other day, we're both in serious relationships but we both still have crushes all the time, nothing major but there's always 'someone' who we kinda look out for and are a bit flirty with... now i think this is perfectly healthy to have in a relationship, as long as it just stays as a little crush and you don't act on it but one fo our other mates (who is single) totally disagreed.

what do you guys reckon? *poll to follow*

lou xxx

I don't know. Apart from a bit a physical attraction (i.e. giving a girl "the once-over") I don't really spend that much time thinking about women other than my girlfriend in that way. I think girls seem to be able to sustain a "crush" whilst having it not affect their relationship, whilst most men are a bit to simply wired to cope with that kind of emotional conflict.

Reply 2

hanadeka2002

I'd say it's OK as long as it is only a little crush(and not some big raving infatuation) and is not acted upon.

Reply 3

sarah1987

I'm such a hypocrite! I have the occasional crush and I love to look at attractive men...but if I thought my bf did or caught him looking at girls I'd go mental. I guess I'm a bit insecure :rolleyes:

But really, thinking someone is cute but knowing you could never act on it (because you don't want to) isn't a crime is it!

Reply 4

Kondar

1

I dont know, I guess it all depends on the relationship and maybe how long you have been dating. One girlfriend I had, I did actually have a little (specific) crush on this one girl. But with another girl I was so into her that other girls didnt even show up on my radar.

Reply 5

ChemistBoy

16

sarah1987

I'm such a hypocrite! I have the occasional crush and I love to look at attractive men...but if I thought my bf did or caught him looking at girls I'd go mental. I guess I'm a bit insecure :rolleyes:

I think this is a bit of a common problem. I remember having a big argument about it with a former girlfriend when she supposedly caught me eyeing up some lass in a club - apparently the complete infatuation with brad pitt was totally different to that because he was never a realistic possibility (whereas some random in a club is somehow more realistic). Guess I didn't know the rules of engagement then - one rule for us, one rule for them.

But really, thinking someone is cute but knowing you could never act on it (because you don't want to) isn't a crime is it!

But that isn't really a crush though is it - thinking someone is cute is a bit different to infatuation.

Reply 6

Apricot Fairy

16

ChemistBoy

I think this is a bit of a common problem. I remember having a big argument about it with a former girlfriend when she supposedly caught me eyeing up some lass in a club - apparently the complete infatuation with brad pitt was totally different to that because he was never a realistic possibility (whereas some random in a club is somehow more realistic). Guess I didn't know the rules of engagement then - one rule for us, one rule for them.

But that isn't really a crush though is it - thinking someone is cute is a bit different to infatuation.

Brad Pitt IS different. He's not really a "real person". I mean, of course he really exists, but he's not someone you're ever going to meet, so he's not a real threat.

Reply 7

Evenstar

13

I think crushes are fine - afetr all, they're kind of similar to fanatsies in general. As long as you don't actually do anything it's fine. Fantasies and crushes are okay as long as they just stay in your head.

Reply 8

twiga

15

So long as you don't let them show or act on them, then I don't see the problem. After all crushes are nothing serious just a passing fancy, rather like a craving for a certain food. They just have to stay in your head.

Reply 9

Poica

14

I'm in a serious long-term relationship and I still have crushes...it's natural. If you don't act on them, what difference does it make?

Reply 10

MNBStyle

9

lou p

but there's always 'someone' who we kinda look out for and are a bit flirty with... now i think this is perfectly healthy to have in a relationship, as long as it just stays as a little crush and you don't act on it but one fo our other mates (who is single) totally disagreed.

what do you guys reckon? *poll to follow*

lou xxx

if its just a crush and thats as far as it goes (like when you fancy a celebrity) then its fine.
But I think if you do abit of flirty fun as you call it when your suppose to be in a serious relationship, then you need to sort yourself out quick sharp.

Reply 11

scutt

1

I asked someone about this, and they told me "it doesn't matter where you get your appetite, so long as you eat at home". I pretty much agree, you're doing nothing wrong by talking/having a bit of fun with someone, only if it progresses beyond that.

Reply 12

The Pauly Paul

No.

If I think the world of a girl, and I'm in a healthy relationship I'd hate for her to have a crush on someone else. Little crushes do develop too. For me it's possibly to do with insecurities, feeling if your partner is attracted in a way to another person that something in you is missing.

So if someone felt the same back in a relationship, I'd hate to develop a crush. But I'm only human, and it happens. It's just not something I'd feel happy about.

Reply 13

me_myself11

I'm glad I came across this! I'm in a long-term relationship and I was starting to think I was messed up for thinking about other people once in a while- nothing serious of course. So I think it's ok and totally normal, as long as the person you're with is the most important to you. :smile:

Reply 14

Holleh

I think it depends on the relationship .If you are just going out, nothing too serious then i cant see why not. I am in a long term commited relationship and i think it would be wrong to do that in this situation. I dont want to look at or think of any guy other than my bf in that sort of way and i wouldnt want him to look at other girls in that way either. If you honestly love someone, i cant understand how you would want to look at someone else.

Reply 15

FrisbeeFan

10

I certainly wouldn't like it if my boyfriend had a crush on someone else, and I'd hate it if the opposite happened - I'd feel so guilty (not that I have!) Obviously it wouldn't be as bad as it would be if it went further, but all the same, I wouldn't like it.

Reply 16

username21537

2

so long as it doesnt go further than *phwoar look at the knockers/arse/camel toe on that* Then I think its all good :smile:

Reply 17

lou p lou

OP

2

MNBStyle

if its just a crush and thats as far as it goes (like when you fancy a celebrity) then its fine.
But I think if you do abit of flirty fun as you call it when your suppose to be in a serious relationship, then you need to sort yourself out quick sharp.

but i'm a naturally flirty person, and pretty much most of the guys i speak to know i have a bf... all it is is chatting so whats the harm in that? and my bf knows i'm flirty and he trusts me (we wouldn't still be together if he didn't cos we live 250 miles apart)

lou xxx

Reply 18

emilyemily

I reckon it's okay. Everyone gets crushes, even if they have a partner. Just as long as you don't act upon it it's fine.

Reply 19

Beni

This could be the worst advise you could get from me but the thing is we all got one life and then we are dead so we have to live life to it's fullest so if you see anything you like just grab it and don't let it pass by you......I bet its worth the risk

and I don't agree to those who say keep it in your head...cause you will always be wondering about, what might have happened if you .. and these will be some of the thoughts you will have when you are old and living in the old people house lool

It's a joke !!

crushes whilst in relationships

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