Possessive guy :/

Tell him to **** off and tell your friends that he creeps you out.

I made a thread the other day about this clingy guy.

http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?p=28664603&highlight=flirting

After I wrote this I started to think about his behavior and things he says and I just noticed that when we are alone he is different to when we are in a group.

He seems controlling and possessive when he's around me especially lately But other people think because on the outside he comes across as this lovable friendly person who everyone likes and won't kill a fly, but when we are alone he's very suffocating and demanding.

So people won't believe me if I say anything negative about him because I come across moody, when really I'm just very shy and I think he is taking advantage of my shyness to get what he wants.

Why I think he's controlling/possessive because he's started saying and doing things which reminded me of my dad and he was very physically and mentally abusive to my mum, and they look like warning signs and we are not even a couple.

I wanted to know what you think when someone says or does things like this.

-Taking pictures of you secretly without your permission
-Gets pissed off and questions why you didn't reply to a message straight away. (I'm not dead I'm going to reply)
-Looking over your shoulder when you are on your phone wanting to know who you're talking to
-Always giving an intense evil look if you mention another guy around him.
-Always wants to follow me everywhere I go.
-Always wanting to interrupt a conversation I have with someone else especially a guy like a cockblocker.
-Always wanting to know where you are going whether library, cafe, home
-When you disagree with him he forces his opinion on you, making you feel like you are wrong and he is right and says "replying back like that is what gets you hurt"
-Always asking personal and private questions which has nothing to do with him
-When I told him I didn't like him that way he started hitting my shoulder and kicking my leg.
-Eavesdropping in to your conversations with someone else.
-Always has to be in viewing distance to keep an eye on me in a stalkerish way.
-Always wanting to know what you eat, when you eat, why you are not eating.
-Always sitting behind or next to you practically invading your personal space in an intimidating way. (I can feel he's eyes burning through me.)

He knows I only see him as a friend/brother but he's pissing me off now that I don't even want to talk to him.

It's getting to the point where I don't even want to be at uni any more and I want to drop out.

What do you think I should do? Help!!!!!!

By the way I'm 19 and he's 21

-Taking pictures of you secretly without your permission

-Gets pissed off and questions why you didn't reply to a message straight away. (I'm not dead I'm going to reply)

-Looking over your shoulder when you are on your phone wanting to know who you're talking to

-Always giving an intense evil look if you mention another guy around him.

you talk like a very socially unexperienced person.
You know, this interpersonal stage of the guy you seem to not like, is common of EVERY guy who places their trust, and time into someone they're very interested in. The interest might range from a social attraction to a sexual one (depending on what he liked about you first: most likely sexual if he saw you and liked what he saw); it's guys at this particular juncture in a relationship, or latent relationship, that determine how they're going to perceive women/men who don't see any interest in them. Even if you met him/her on the internet.











He most likely wants to brag about having you.
Even if you don't know him, guys/girls usually take pics of pretty girls who they can't have sometimes to brag (if they saw you to be splendidly attractive at a very peculiar moment, and wanted to capture it); if they do, sometimes to admire, and that's where many stimatized individuals have their 'stalker' siren alarm go off.




This is due to his very acute sense to see a lack of interest from you.
Most likely due to an inferior complex: "why wouldn't she show any interest in me if she cared?" "she surely would have called me by now".




Obviously, you give him no ease in not communicating, he has no trust in you.
Is he your boyfriend?



lol inferiority, what do you expect?
If you really liked this man, you'd feel the same towards his interest of other women.
It's no different a feeling; if you have to make this totally obvious remark then you should fall in love with someone who women flock for.

The rest of the stuff is typical of someone who's really interested in you. It's up to you whether or not to dump him if you don't want to be near him. One comment i like to make though: I see so many women and men want a person almost 'molded' their way in order to feel satisfied, and typically never ever do until they settle for what they'd considered less. The only way to make a relationship work is by understanding one core principle that only shows up when people are trying to sport, and that's understanding their point of view--before yours--by placing yourself in their shoes. It's being considerate of the other person. That gets lost during a relationship because of the issues aforementioned, in that people tend to their indulgences before anything (it's our nature), and anything, especially people who consider you an indulgence, that threatens that indulgence becomes something annoying.

you talk like a very socially unexperienced person.
You know, this interpersonal stage of the guy you seem to not like, is common of EVERY guy who places their trust, and time into someone they're very interested in. The interest might range from a social attraction to a sexual one (depending on what he liked about you first: most likely sexual if he saw you and liked what he saw); it's guys at this particular juncture in a relationship, or latent relationship, that determine how they're going to perceive women/men who don't see any interest in them. Even if you met him/her on the internet.











He most likely wants to brag about having you.
Even if you don't know him, guys/girls usually take pics of pretty girls who they can't have sometimes to brag (if they saw you to be splendidly attractive at a very peculiar moment, and wanted to capture it); if they do, sometimes to admire, and that's where many stimatized individuals have their 'stalker' siren alarm go off.




This is due to his very acute sense to see a lack of interest from you.
Most likely due to an inferior complex: "why wouldn't she show any interest in me if she cared?" "she surely would have called me by now".




Obviously, you give him no ease in not communicating, he has no trust in you.
Is he your boyfriend?



lol inferiority, what do you expect?
If you really liked this man, you'd feel the same towards his interest of other women.
It's no different a feeling; if you have to make this totally obvious remark then you should fall in love with someone who women flock for.

The rest of the stuff is typical of someone who's really interested in you. It's up to you whether or not to dump him if you don't want to be near him. One comment i like to make though: I see so many women and men want a person almost 'molded' their way in order to feel satisfied, and typically never ever do until they settle for what they'd considered less. The only way to make a relationship work is by understanding one core principle that only shows up when people are trying to sport, and that's understanding their point of view--before yours--by placing yourself in their shoes. It's being considerate of the other person. That gets lost during a relationship because of the issues aforementioned, in that people tend to their indulgences before anything (it's our nature), and anything, especially people who consider you an indulgence, that threatens that indulgence becomes something annoying.

Sounds like a wierd guy.... Bit like my dad lol. It doesn't sound like anything else will work really - you have to be blunt and just say - I don't like being treated like a child by a peer. I'm not interested in you in a relationship kind of way and you're being wierd as if we're married. Just back off.

Thanks
I'll just be rude so he gets the message.

You are a **** there is a difference between possessive and protective.

If you think those are signs of someone liking someone then you have a very ****ed up and unhealthy way of seeing what a relationship is about.

Obviously it's not going to be about roses and fireworks everyday,

But a guy doing all those things in a space of 9 months is very strange in my eyes.

Other guys have shown interest in me in the past and they do no behave in that way.

Understandable the texting and staring from someone that I do back but when it's unrequited and you've told the person they should back OFF

No other option really. Don't say anything to your mutual friends about finding him creepy. This is between you and him and the drama of everyone involved will make life ****. People like this need it spelled out for them and when it is, they quite often back off and act normal

There's a total difference between liking someone and dealing with it to be a friend and being a weird arse. He actually sounds from how you described it as the type that could snap and do something even more out there.

I don't usually give definitive advice but since you asked, avoid!

Thanks
That was what I was thinking, if he behaves that way as my friend I don't even want to imagine what he would be like in a relationship

K I'm almost convinced, regarding your reply, that there won't be meaningful discussion between you and me if you're predetermining words to mean them what you've been taught to 'think' they mean.

Possessive implies you're not interested in that person.
Protective implies that you're interested in that person and will allow the same type behavior only because your both mutually attracted to each other.






I'm sorry, I can't see the world or people so 1-dimensionally.



So get out of it, relate to someone who like the 'friends with benefit's' idea. You won't be disappointed. It's useless to semi-commit to someone when you're to concerned with your own self-indulgences. It's totally common.




9 Months is more than enough time for someone to grow attached to the other if they're mutually eager to be with one another.



because they don't have interest in you solely, they've got plenty of fish to feed on. It's those who 'act strange' that are most interested primarily in you.
Try pursuing 'other guys', or at least one of them, and you'll see what I mean. How much they really are interested in you. You'll learn plenty.





Well, if that's the case, and you told him to back-off then you have a point.
All I'm saying is that you're going to find yourself eager to commence a relationship with someone whom you would likely want to make permanent, and will also find yourself behaving in similar form. It happens to everybody at some latent juncture of their lives. We're primarily social animals, we're prone to interaction with others. Most folks who don't understand the basics of sociology would agree with you, and would totally go on about how strange the behavior is and what not, so it's to say they speak ignorantly.

I would be an awful waste my time trying to get with someone who thinks everything that isn't to their understanding is either wrong or strange.

You asked for advise, one would take advise they most like, instead of one they least understand.