Right its been now 1month and 2weeks since I broke up with my long distance girlfriend that lasted 9 months.
After we broke up we remained friends as it was down to her family and her health that she let me go.
Ever since she seemed to be getting on with her life happily.
First 2 weeks of the break up there was minimum contact, just over the internet.
Then the third week we started speaking again and we got close on the phone and she told me she still loves me and she is not over me.
She met one of my friends in the 3rd week and my friend told me she was still wearing the necklae I got for her.
4th week - The phone chats got to deep for her and she insisted we wasnt getting back together and to keep phone contacts to a minimum.
5th week - She calls me just to see how I am but we again stop talking on the phone everyday.
Saturday shes ill from work and she calls me and we talk.
Basically she wanted me to speak to her as it made her feel safe and relaxed. Her family then calls her on the phone and she realises whats going on so she goes.
6th week - On Monday morning around 3am, a drunk man on her street starts whistleing and she wakes up scared so she calls me straight away. She tells me theres a man outside etc and she feels safe, then goes to sleep.
Monday & Tuesday - Each night of those 3 days we speak close but do not use the words of love, but just talk about the times we got really close in person.
Wednesday Night - She calls me up but shes tired so speak for 5mins and then she says shes going to sleep.
Thursday night - No call from her, so I call her but no answer.
Friday evening - She calls me and just speaks to me in a normal friendly way. I ask her to listen to a song, but she says she wants to talk to me so turn it off.
In the convo she implies we aint in a relationship in a joky indirect way.
Friday Night - I call her her but she said shes tired again. I said shall I go, she says no. I asked her was there any reason she didnt talk to me from wednesday night to this night propperly. She tells me just tired and not to read things to deeply, she adds 'take things with a pinch of salt'.
She then mentions from tonight onwards for 1 week she wont be able to speak to me on the phone as her brother is returning from uni to stay with family.
I didnt really understand why she cant but I said 'ok sure'.
Shes was my first tru love and even after 1 month and 2weeks. Im always thinking about her.
My sleep pattern has improved, I am eating better but apart from that shes still always on my mind.
I realise that until I let go fully I wont be able to move on propperly, thing is I cant.
Shes just far too special to me even with her flaws.
Im going to try and change my lifestyle though with her still apart of my life.
I know it needs changing if im going to get some where, just need a bit more time before I try moving on.
I feel she hasnt given me enough closure. She stated to me on the day of break up it was down to family and plenty of stress because of that which effected her health.
A week or so ago she admitted there is another reason but she cannot say because it will just complicate things.
She told me she hasnt gotten over me still even though she said she had.
I know im allowing her to confuse me but since the day I met her she was a confusing girl. Shes had a tough past with allot of hard times.
I feel without me shes lost -
This is what she wrote for me while we was together -
The most touching thing of all is the way that uve changed me, as many have known before i was abit of a sly, witch :P n very, very cold , withdrawn from people but becoz of u uve made me into sum1 that every1 can chat to, uve made me feel alot more confident n special n ill always love you for that, ur da ONLY person that understands me n how I work, u r my own personal angel, now n forever.
I dunno if im doing the right thing fully here but until I know shes moved on from me, I aint going to allow myself to move on.