The Student Room Group

Not Letting Go, As No Closure.

Right its been now 1month and 2weeks since I broke up with my long distance girlfriend that lasted 9 months.

After we broke up we remained friends as it was down to her family and her health that she let me go.
Ever since she seemed to be getting on with her life happily.

First 2 weeks of the break up there was minimum contact, just over the internet.
Then the third week we started speaking again and we got close on the phone and she told me she still loves me and she is not over me.
She met one of my friends in the 3rd week and my friend told me she was still wearing the necklae I got for her.

4th week - The phone chats got to deep for her and she insisted we wasnt getting back together and to keep phone contacts to a minimum.

5th week - She calls me just to see how I am but we again stop talking on the phone everyday.
Saturday shes ill from work and she calls me and we talk.
Basically she wanted me to speak to her as it made her feel safe and relaxed. Her family then calls her on the phone and she realises whats going on so she goes.

6th week - On Monday morning around 3am, a drunk man on her street starts whistleing and she wakes up scared so she calls me straight away. She tells me theres a man outside etc and she feels safe, then goes to sleep.

Monday & Tuesday - Each night of those 3 days we speak close but do not use the words of love, but just talk about the times we got really close in person.

Wednesday Night - She calls me up but shes tired so speak for 5mins and then she says shes going to sleep.

Thursday night - No call from her, so I call her but no answer.

Friday evening - She calls me and just speaks to me in a normal friendly way. I ask her to listen to a song, but she says she wants to talk to me so turn it off.
In the convo she implies we aint in a relationship in a joky indirect way.

Friday Night - I call her her but she said shes tired again. I said shall I go, she says no. I asked her was there any reason she didnt talk to me from wednesday night to this night propperly. She tells me just tired and not to read things to deeply, she adds 'take things with a pinch of salt'.

She then mentions from tonight onwards for 1 week she wont be able to speak to me on the phone as her brother is returning from uni to stay with family.
I didnt really understand why she cant but I said 'ok sure'.

Shes was my first tru love and even after 1 month and 2weeks. Im always thinking about her.
My sleep pattern has improved, I am eating better but apart from that shes still always on my mind.

I realise that until I let go fully I wont be able to move on propperly, thing is I cant.
Shes just far too special to me even with her flaws.

Im going to try and change my lifestyle though with her still apart of my life.
I know it needs changing if im going to get some where, just need a bit more time before I try moving on.

I feel she hasnt given me enough closure. She stated to me on the day of break up it was down to family and plenty of stress because of that which effected her health.

A week or so ago she admitted there is another reason but she cannot say because it will just complicate things.
She told me she hasnt gotten over me still even though she said she had.

I know im allowing her to confuse me but since the day I met her she was a confusing girl. Shes had a tough past with allot of hard times.
I feel without me shes lost -
This is what she wrote for me while we was together -

The most touching thing of all is the way that uve changed me, as many have known before i was abit of a sly, witch :P n very, very cold , withdrawn from people but becoz of u uve made me into sum1 that every1 can chat to, uve made me feel alot more confident n special n ill always love you for that, ur da ONLY person that understands me n how I work, u r my own personal angel, now n forever.

I dunno if im doing the right thing fully here but until I know shes moved on from me, I aint going to allow myself to move on.

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1
Yes.

EDIT: I agree.
Reply 2
I've not been able to let go for a year and a half.. But then he's also always in touch.

It'd be so much easier if he slept with ten girls in one night and told me about it in graphic detail. Then I'd think he was a git and move on. But no, from both of us it's "I want to be with you so much but you're too far away", and then we text and email constantly.


*sulk*
Reply 3
dogtanian
I've not been able to let go for a year and a half.. But then he's also always in touch. If she's moving on now, you'll be forced to move on quicker.
It's for the best.


Thing is I think shes moving on then she tells me she isnt.
The First time she did try she said she was thinking about me all the time in her uni lectures and cinema etc. Maybe this is her 2nd attempt at it.
Reply 4
chris101
Thing is I think shes moving on then she tells me she isnt.
The First time she did try she said she was thinking about me all the time in her uni lectures and cinema etc. Maybe this is her 2nd attempt at it.


Hm, I misread your first post. I've edited.
Reply 5
I got a feeling she will get over me quickly, as I wasnt her real true first love and in the 9 months I was there for her more then she was for me.
Shes one confusing individual when she has allot of things on her mind, she has even admited recently that she doesnt even know her self fully so she doesnt expect me to udnerstand her if she doesnt understand herself.
Reply 6
wellp same here.. my gf had a hard time letting go of me when we broke up.. took almost a year to get settled.. even in the process we almost got back to each other... but things dont work out between me and her
Reply 7
sometimes when u love someone and it doesnt work out we move on. The most foolish thing to do is to try and replace that someone with another. Doesnt work that way. U should move on. but let her remain within u.
chris101
Right its been now 1month and 2weeks since I broke up with my long distance girlfriend that lasted 9 months.

After we broke up we remained friends as it was down to her family and her health that she let me go.
Ever since she seemed to be getting on with her life happily.

First 2 weeks of the break up there was minimum contact, just over the internet.
Then the third week we started speaking again and we got close on the phone and she told me she still loves me and she is not over me.
She met one of my friends in the 3rd week and my friend told me she was still wearing the necklae I got for her.

4th week - The phone chats got to deep for her and she insisted we wasnt getting back together and to keep phone contacts to a minimum.

5th week - She calls me just to see how I am but we again stop talking on the phone everyday.
Saturday shes ill from work and she calls me and we talk.
Basically she wanted me to speak to her as it made her feel safe and relaxed. Her family then calls her on the phone and she realises whats going on so she goes.

6th week - On Monday morning around 3am, a drunk man on her street starts whistleing and she wakes up scared so she calls me straight away. She tells me theres a man outside etc and she feels safe, then goes to sleep.

Monday & Tuesday - Each night of those 3 days we speak close but do not use the words of love, but just talk about the times we got really close in person.

Wednesday Night - She calls me up but shes tired so speak for 5mins and then she says shes going to sleep.

Thursday night - No call from her, so I call her but no answer.

Friday evening - She calls me and just speaks to me in a normal friendly way. I ask her to listen to a song, but she says she wants to talk to me so turn it off.
In the convo she implies we aint in a relationship in a joky indirect way.

Friday Night - I call her her but she said shes tired again. I said shall I go, she says no. I asked her was there any reason she didnt talk to me from wednesday night to this night propperly. She tells me just tired and not to read things to deeply, she adds 'take things with a pinch of salt'.

She then mentions from tonight onwards for 1 week she wont be able to speak to me on the phone as her brother is returning from uni to stay with family.
I didnt really understand why she cant but I said 'ok sure'.

Shes was my first tru love and even after 1 month and 2weeks. Im always thinking about her.
My sleep pattern has improved, I am eating better but apart from that shes still always on my mind.

I realise that until I let go fully I wont be able to move on propperly, thing is I cant.
Shes just far too special to me even with her flaws.

Im going to try and change my lifestyle though with her still apart of my life.
I know it needs changing if im going to get some where, just need a bit more time before I try moving on.

I feel she hasnt given me enough closure. She stated to me on the day of break up it was down to family and plenty of stress because of that which effected her health.

A week or so ago she admitted there is another reason but she cannot say because it will just complicate things.
She told me she hasnt gotten over me still even though she said she had.

I know im allowing her to confuse me but since the day I met her she was a confusing girl. Shes had a tough past with allot of hard times.
I feel without me shes lost -
This is what she wrote for me while we was together -

The most touching thing of all is the way that uve changed me, as many have known before i was abit of a sly, witch :P n very, very cold , withdrawn from people but becoz of u uve made me into sum1 that every1 can chat to, uve made me feel alot more confident n special n ill always love you for that, ur da ONLY person that understands me n how I work, u r my own personal angel, now n forever.

I dunno if im doing the right thing fully here but until I know shes moved on from me, I aint going to allow myself to move on.

I think she does want to spend the rest of her life with you but i think she feels guilty for you because of her health and she probably wants you to have someone healthy. but if i was you i would tell her that you want to be part of her life no matter what happens.
Reply 9
She sounds like a complete nightmare, if she's actually affecting your sleeping and eating patterns what the hell are you doing thinking about her?

Forget about her and move on, she's not worth it. In fact, she sounds like a manipulative crazed girl who's using you. Eugh, Move on, trust me it isnt worth hanging around for her.

You seem like a nice guy and Im sure there are plently more girls out there who can take your mind off her.

Edit - I'm really, really surprised one of your mates hasn't slapped you, and told you to go out and find another girl, or enjoy yourself whilst you're still young.
Reply 10
chris101
I got a feeling she will get over me quickly, as I wasnt her real true first love and in the 9 months I was there for her more then she was for me.
Shes one confusing individual when she has allot of things on her mind, she has even admited recently that she doesnt even know her self fully so she doesnt expect me to udnerstand her if she doesnt understand herself.


Substitute 'She' for all girls and you just stated a fact. Girls ARE confusing. Leave them alone when you don't understand them, its kinda a hint :P
Reply 11
My friends have told me to move on so many times and just to forget her. I spent so much time and patience to try and get her to become a better confident person.
She has become more confident and people can get along with her, but I still feel her ways of not being truthful with me or addressing me when theres a situation or change in matters caused all this headache.

I really dont know what she wants but I would feel like an idiot if I didnt give her time to really make it clear. At first I really did think she doesnt want nothing from us as she kept repeating it.
Last time we got close was 5 days ago now and she didnt mention dont get the wrong idea.
Reply 12
chris101
My friends have told me to move on so many times and just to forget her. I spent so much time and patience to try and get her to become a better confident person.
She has become more confident and people can get along with her, but I still feel her ways of not being truthful with me or addressing me when theres a situation or change in matters caused all this headache.

I really dont know what she wants but I would feel like an idiot if I didnt give her time to really make it clear. At first I really did think she doesnt want nothing from us as she kept repeating it.
Last time we got close was 5 days ago now and she didnt mention dont get the wrong idea.


What's it going to take? Do I have to come over there and slap you?

Forget her. She's using you, don't you get it?
chris101
My friends have told me to move on so many times and just to forget her. I spent so much time and patience to try and get her to become a better confident person.
She has become more confident and people can get along with her, but I still feel her ways of not being truthful with me or addressing me when theres a situation or change in matters caused all this headache.

I really dont know what she wants but I would feel like an idiot if I didnt give her time to really make it clear. At first I really did think she doesnt want nothing from us as she kept repeating it.
Last time we got close was 5 days ago now and she didnt mention dont get the wrong idea.

Am i ok to ask what is wrong with her health you could pm me if you want.
Reply 14
Update - Yesterday we spoke a little on msn. I was online till around 2am but I then left my computer online and fell asleep.
My x was still online but I though she was asleep.
At 3am I recieved a call, I was in and out of sleep.
When she called I said 'I was just thinking about you'.
She asked what I was thinking and I said dont matter.
She asked me 3 more times and said tell me or I wont be able to sleep. I said it doesnt matter as it will only complicate things.
She went on just talking randomly and telling me why she was on till this late.
I then asked her was she thinking about me, thats the reason you called.
She said No, I saw your status away and though u was awake so I would call you.
I went quiet for a bit, then asked do you still think about me?
She said this is making matters complicated.
I said ok then.
Then she said shes going to sleep.
I told her like its 3am and your going to sleep after waking me up without hardly talking.
She said I thought you was awake thats why.

I then said ok fine.
and that was it.

Ive texted her this morning to call me - ill tell her that I was thinking about her and about how 1 week ago at the same time she called me as she felt scared at night and that I want to know if you still think about me.
I feel I want to know.
I also think I should tell her when she feels shes over me completely to tell me.

Am I making the right move?
to be quite honest i think the only way with this is to have a 'clean break' which is what happened with my ex. although at the time i was upset i do now believe it was the best way because overwise id feel jealous everytime i heard about him going out with different women and i probably wouldnt have been able to move on
Reply 16
You're making the wrong move.

Stop contacting her.
john171
What's it going to take? Do I have to come over there and slap you?

Forget her. She's using you, don't you get it?


I don't think she's using him at all. Sounds to me like a girl who's confused, whose head is conflicting with her heart. She knows that long distance relationships are hell, but she can't bear the thought of not being with him.


I'm going through the same thing myself. I'm certainly not using the bloke, I just want something, somehow, in this situation to change to make it easier.

..
As this isn't my relationship with all the subjective and emotional ties that it comes with, I will agree that you should try and stop contacting her, or at least talk to her, but stop her everytime se hints at getting back together again. Nip it in the bud, make it clear. But I'd say it in a much nicer way :smile:

Oh, but don't expect me to heed my own advice...
i think she is confused about how she feels, and she probably regrets splitting up with you. to be honest my ex did the opposite when we split up. he could have stayed in contact and we did split on good terms, but he choose to be quite cold towards me.

And as much as it hurt it made it so much easier to get over him. I'm not saying be mean to her, its just if you let things carry on this way you will always be in limbo. You need to explain how you feel, explain you want a cooling off period/to get back together.

I'm sure she doesn't mean to to but this girl is messing with your head (as well as her own) and someone should speak up before it gets out of hand.
Reply 19
update -
Tonight I was speaking wid my x on msn, then I deicde to talk with my friends on the phone. While I was doing that my x sent me a clip of somthing funny which really made me laugh.
Havnt laughed like that in months.
Anyway I was on the phone, and my x must of got a bit suspecious so she asked what I was doing, which is very uncommon for her to ask me. I said 'im here' after a minute or so, as I was still on the phone. She asked me doing what, with a sad face.
I said chatting. She then went quiet and said ok.
I said why wassup?
she said nothing, so I told her im chatting to u also.
She said she knew lol.
I said what u doing?
She said chatting also.
Then from no where she put 'Guys Name' just gone :frown:.
(The guy is some one whos shes been chatting with a bit recently, she mentioned last night on the phone.)

I asked her why did she do that and she changed the subject regarding a car her brother bought.
I asked again why did she tell me that?
She said cause he just went :frown:.
I asked are you really close with him?
She laughed and said no :| and called me stupid.
I asjed again why did you tell me and put a sad face,
she said my mistake :s, your reading things to deep :smile:, as usual :tongue:.
I said no u just told me and u didnt need to.
She changed the topic again, so I left it like that.
Then she apologised for last nights call saying 'sorry if I upset u, didnt mean to'.

Then she said shes going and not to ring her as brothers about (although I already was told by her not to call her for a week as brothers were there).

She clearly done this to get me jelous and it pissed me off.