So here's my story. Sorry if it sounds ridiculous.
I met a girl online one day.. I think it was on skype. This was back in march this year. I lived in Bristol, she lived in Bedfordshire. We connected so fast and we had the most amazing conversations so before long we decided we'd give the whole internet relationship thing a go. At first I thought it wouldn't work because I'm very much a physical kind of guy (not in a sex way.. just in a cuddles/holding hands kind of way.) but it was amazing and in the 7 months it lasted it was the best 7 months of my life..
so throughout this whole relationship I was going through the process of choosing my uni to go to. I came here to kent because it would of put me closer to her.. bedfordshire would of been the best option but the uni isn't very respected for my course so we both decided it was best if we went for the mix between distance and being at a good uni. so yeah.. I came to kent, and I was so ****ing excited coming here, knowing I'd be in a position to see her, even it was once a month.
okay so.. whilst I was about to go into my first year of university, she was about to go into her first year of college. now i'm 80% sure the only reason the whole internet thing was so successful was because we were both fairly anti-social and we spent so much time online. but as soon as we were both under way at college/university it quickly changed.. we both became far more social and we both suddenly had lots of new friends. we never got a chance to speak. it was lonely and it depressed me. in a moment of sheer depressive anger I ended it.. I didn't want to do it by any stretch of the imagination, but I thought it would of benefited her in the long run I guess. I couldn't deal with it, and I figured the sooner I told her this the better, as it would of inevitably hurt her more if I did it a year or so down the line.
but yeah.. that was the biggest mistake i've made in my life. I've regretted it ever since (i regretted it the day after in fact.. ). And all I want to do is to get back with her, but we barely speak now and she's getting closer and closer with a particular guy at her college and it's destroying me. I can't bare the thought of going out and socializing now, I can't sleep, I can't concentrate on work.. and when I go to lectures I find myself welling up at the eyes every 10 or so minutes, because all I can think about is her, and not the lecture.
The worst part of it all is that she feels the same way. she wants things to go back to how they were, she says she still loves me, but she's terrified about it happening again, and although I feel like I can deal with it better this time (however bad it was being with her it's nothing compared to how i'm feeling without her) I suppose I can't deny the fact that it could happen again.. or it might not be the same as before. But **** it.. I'm prepared to take that risk. I don't want to live a 'what if?' life. I guess she isn't.. and that thought alone is depressing the hell out of me.
I'm not the kind of guy to consider suicide (i've had suicides in my family and I've seen how they impact people.. i'd never go that far) but some times I just wish I could dissolve into a molecule or something and disappear into a crack in the wall, so no one can see me and I can cry and weep and do whatever the **** I want, without people thinking i'm some kind of attention seeker or emo.. because that's the feeling I get every time I talk to people about my problems, that they think i'm just looking for attention. and I ****ing hate it.
so I haven't talked about this to anyone.. i'm not even sure why i'm posting this on TSR but I guess I feel a little better now that I've typed this huge ****ing post. sorry about that.
I need advice.. before I go insane or something. Thanks for reading, if you got this far.
help me. *long post, sorry..* Watch
- Thread Starter
- 27-11-2010 20:32
- 27-11-2010 20:37
Ohh that sucks :/
Probably not what you feel like doing right now but go out and meet new people, will take your mind off everything and you never know you may find someone else Or find other ways to distract yourself/try and forget about that..
On the other hand.. could always try and get her back? Really not sure what to suggest on that one though sorry!
- 27-11-2010 20:44
You basically answered your own question. If you dont want to live your life thinking "What if?", then go for it! Give it another go and then if things dont work out at least you tried.
...Also you said she still loves you so show her how you feel, properly. So she knows you take the relationship seriously and want it to work.
- 27-11-2010 20:50
Have you told her you want to get back together with her? If you haven't then the first step would be to do that.
If she wants to be with you then your going to have to find a way to regulary see her and i mean actually see her. Internet relationships can't last forever, it is only a substitute for a relationship that has physical contact.
If she doesn't want to be with you then i'd cut all contact with her. Ten a bet you'll start to feel really jealous of this guy, trust me, the jealousy eats you up.
- 27-11-2010 21:43
so have you actually met her in person or what? i can't tell from your post