Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

I don't fancy him. But I can't let him go. Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I met this guy on the first ever day at university (im in my third year).
    Back in feburary he declared his love for me. Me and him are so so so close, he loves me for who I am, something I have never had in my life.
    However, not to sound big headed but i have a great deal of attention from other boys, as a result I have not committed to my best friend. I spend all the time talking to him, wanting to be with him, we have done everything but sex. Last week I went to his mums party in which i met his ENTIRE family which all loved me.
    But i STILL don't want to be with him, i dont feel entirely attracted to him, but then i reallllllly care about him. Everytime I have told him i need a break from him (and its happened alot) i go back on my word and just see him anyway. I am confused about my feelings, can anyone else please?
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I met this guy on the first ever day at university (im in my third year).
    Back in feburary he declared his love for me. Me and him are so so so close, he loves me for who I am, something I have never had in my life.
    However, not to sound big headed but i have a great deal of attention from other boys, as a result I have not committed to my best friend. I spend all the time talking to him, wanting to be with him, we have done everything but sex. Last week I went to his mums party in which i met his ENTIRE family which all loved me.
    But i STILL don't want to be with him, i dont feel entirely attracted to him, but then i reallllllly care about him. Everytime I have told him i need a break from him (and its happened alot) i go back on my word and just see him anyway. I am confused about my feelings, can anyone else please?
    Question: why are you letting this great deal of attention from other boys prevent you from developing a stronger relationship with your best friend? Is it due to enjoying the attention and worried that if you are in a relationship, this attention will subside? Because it sounds like you two have a great relationship!

    Btw, f you don't fancy him, what's the problem.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    You think you're confused? Imagine how this poor guy feels - you've known him a long time now and your relationship is sexual, but it's not a relationship... it sounds like you need to get a grip here and realise that if you doubt your feelings for someone, you don't go there as they would end up hurt if you backed away. But you leave him, then come back to him, and then repeat the process. Have you ever considered his feelings in this, apart from the fact that his adoration makes you feel good? That is why you are attached to him. Don't think that because someone is in love with you, you have to give them affection back - cruel as that sounds. To be quite honest I don't know how he's put up with your behaviour so long. Please, if you don't feel that way for him, cease whatever sexual link you have, otherwise you will just string him along even further, confuse him and break his heart.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse)
    You think you're confused? Imagine how this poor guy feels - you've known him a long time now and your relationship is sexual, but it's not a relationship... it sounds like you need to get a grip here and realise that if you doubt your feelings for someone, you don't go there as they would end up hurt if you backed away. But you leave him, then come back to him, and then repeat the process. Have you ever considered his feelings in this, apart from the fact that his adoration makes you feel good? That is why you are attached to him. Don't think that because someone is in love with you, you have to give them affection back - cruel as that sounds. To be quite honest I don't know how he's put up with your behaviour so long. Please, if you don't feel that way for him, cease whatever sexual link you have, otherwise you will just string him along even further, confuse him and break his heart.
    Think you need to reread OP as she clearly states no sex.

    (Original post by moonymeen)
    Question: why are you letting this great deal of attention from other boys prevent you from developing a stronger relationship with your best friend? Is it due to enjoying the attention and worried that if you are in a relationship, this attention will subside? Because it sounds like you two have a great relationship!

    Btw, f you don't fancy him, what's the problem.
    I agree with this. Think she's more interested in maintaining her popularity with all the boys and being in a relationship would tend to put a damper on flirting etc.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by trooper6)
    Think you need to reread OP as she clearly states no sex.



    I agree with this. Think she's more interested in maintaining her popularity with all the boys and being in a relationship would tend to put a damper on flirting etc.

    You do realise that you don't have to engage in intercourse for it to become sexual right?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by BillV3)
    You do realise that you don't have to engage in intercourse for it to become sexual right?
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    However, not to sound big headed but i have a great deal of attention from other boys, as a result I have not committed to my best friend. I spend all the time talking to him, wanting to be with him, we have done everything but sex. Last week I went to his mums party in which i met his ENTIRE family which all loved me.
    The OP was all I had to go on.


    Edit: I understand what you're saying BillV3 because the same thought crossed my mind. I simply noted it for you as I thought you has misread the OP.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    You don't have to be mega-attracted to someone physically to be in love with them. It's a sub-conscious thing.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I met this guy on the first ever day at university (im in my third year).
    Back in feburary he declared his love for me. Me and him are so so so close, he loves me for who I am, something I have never had in my life.
    However, not to sound big headed but i have a great deal of attention from other boys, as a result I have not committed to my best friend. I spend all the time talking to him, wanting to be with him, we have done everything but sex. Last week I went to his mums party in which i met his ENTIRE family which all loved me.
    But i STILL don't want to be with him, i dont feel entirely attracted to him, but then i reallllllly care about him. Everytime I have told him i need a break from him (and its happened alot) i go back on my word and just see him anyway. I am confused about my feelings, can anyone else please?
    SO you dont fancy him .... BUT... you have kissed and done everything but sex? and you can't let him go? oh but you dont fancy him? :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
    • #2
    #2

    I'm in a similar situation, basically done quite a lot other than sex with my best guy friend, but in this situation it's me that wants a relationship and not him...not sure what to do...he clearly cares a lot for me and wants to spend a lot of time with me-we talk all the time and stuff, but he just doesn't want a relationship for various reasons even though very little would change...
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    http://imgur.com/9wjqN.jpg
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: November 28, 2010
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What newspaper do you read/prefer?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.