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My cat is trying to kill me, I need help Watch

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    Well, it started last night in my house when the lights were off and everyone was sleeping and I thought I saw my cat. I turned the lights on and it turned out it was just a black purse, so I turned the lights off. This happen many times that night and it creeped me out. So I just decided to go to sleep. I laid down on my bed and I looked to the left. On my pillow... was.... my cat! She looks me in the eye and says... "Meow." Then she leaves. So I go to sleep and I have a horrible nightmare about my cat mauling me to death. I wake up, my face covered in sweat, and I'm having an asthma attack. Then I realized I don't have asthma, I'm just having trouble breathing. Well anyway, I go downstairs to have some cereal and when I take my first spoonful it taste horrible. Then I see that the bottle of Windex, that was full the night before, is now half empty. Normally I'd say half full because of the whole optimistic/pessimistic thing but I thought that my cereal was poisoned with Windex so I'll just say half empty. Well, I vomit it out and I look at my cat, and wouldn't you know, her paws are a little wet. I smell them, bad mistake, I now have a large scar across my nose, but I smelled it. On her paw, was WINDEX! So I tell her, (her name's Fluffy) "Fluffy, this ends n-" I was going to finish that sentence, but I was cut short when she clawed my legs. That's when I ran out of my house, but grabbed some peanut butter, a bottle of water, and a 20 dollar bill before leaving. Let me just say now that no matter how hard you try, you can never outrun a cat. Or a police car, because you see, I was running through the street with my boxers on. The police came out of the police car and, I came up with a very risky plan. I picked up Fluffy, and threw him onto the cops face. Then I kept on running, because that whole cat on face thing gave me about a 20 second head start. Then I asked "Hey how'd I pick up Fluffy if I was holding the peanut butter and- damnit!" I dropped the peanut butter, water, and 20 dollar bill! Well as of now I am hiding in Walmart and have stolen a laptop so I could post this What do I do now? Fluffy is looking for me!
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    yes i study neurology for people like you.
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    Throw a rock at it.

    Or, failing that, throw it at a rock.
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    Set a dog on Fluffy.
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    KILL THE CAT!!!!

    LOL just kidding, get a psychiatrist.
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    My cat follows me down the street but when I turn around to look at him he looks away as if he's not following me lol!
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    Only on TSR? :lolwut:
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    In this case man's best friend can help you
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    I thought this thread was going to be another by "North Korea WW3" :erm:
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    copypasta

    http://www.google.co.uk/search?sourc...580a23bbcb13e1
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    would've been better if you changed the american bits. 6/10
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    I have seen this exact same post before.
    0/10 for orginality. I was hoping this was going to be an Edgar Allen Poe tribute troll, and you give me this?!?!
    For shame.
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    lol... this turned out to be worse than i expected, id say OP is a :troll:

    how about you tie fluffy's tail to a chair or something?
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    (Original post by Left Hand Drive)
    My cat follows me down the street but when I turn around to look at him he looks away as if he's not following me lol!
    Regardless of how terrible this thread is, i enjoy the thought of this very much.
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    **** that pussy.
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    (Original post by Mm_Minty)
    I have seen this exact same post before.
    0/10 for orginality. I was hoping this was going to be an Edgar Allen Poe tribute troll, and you give me this?!?!
    For shame.
    THAT would have been awesome!
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    (Original post by davidmarsh01)
    I thought this thread was going to be another by "North Korea WW3" :erm:
    Me too, i'm incredibly suprised that his trolling hasn't found its way onto this thread yet.
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    :teehee: Well I for one, enjoyed this.
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    Shoot the cat. Don't let it make you it's B.itch
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    Beat that pussy.
 
 
 
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