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    I have an "acquaintance" who I work with. Hadn't spoke to him outside of work before, and not much in work either (that being purely work related discussions). However, we went out on a work social a couple of weeks ago and got along pretty well. We spent a lot of time drinking and talking. Then he came back to my place and we slept together. He went back to his afterwards (Understandably as he had no clothes for work the next day).

    The following day we exchanged a couple of friendly emails and a couple of days later I added him on FB. Then something happened which made me think he had been telling people at work about "that night". I asked him about it and I think in doing so upset him. He denied he'd spread anything like that around. I believe him. Cue me feeling stupid for confronting him about it in the first place. I apologised and asked him if he'd care to go out for a drink after work some time. He said he would. We're planning to go for drinks next week.

    All good so far. However, my stupid housemates have got me doubting myself again. They have basically said that what will happen is we will get drunk and have sex. Now that's not what I want. Y'know, been there and done that =/ I was hoping to test the waters and see if there might be room for anything more than sex. I was planning to go out for a few drinks with him and have a nice chat. But is it really going to be that easy? Can you really have "a nice drink" with someone you already drunkenly slept with? From a guys perspective, would he be expecting this to be just more sex? I guess I need some reassurance that this can work.
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    My friend had a ONS with a guy at a party, then they started texting and stuff, and were together for two years when they'd gotten to know each other. Only just broken up, don't know why, but it proves it can work. Just go for the drink and make sure you don't sleep together afterwards?
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    (Original post by littlehobbit)
    My friend had a ONS with a guy at a party, then they started texting and stuff, and were together for two years when they'd gotten to know each other. Only just broken up, don't know why, but it proves it can work. Just go for the drink and make sure you don't sleep together afterwards?
    Thanks for your reply =) Yes that's exactly what I'm wanting. Just a few grown up drinks and then either heading home or (me) meeting up with some friends elsewhere.

    I know the physical attraction is there, because of the ONS. And surely seeing as he's agreed to go for a drink he must have thought we got along as well. Here's hoping its that and not him seeing me as a quick shag =/ I guess I'll find out soon.
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    (Original post by *Lollo*)
    Don't let your housemates' bad experiences make you doubt yourself. Just take it easy and see how it goes, don't put pressure on him or analyze his every move, just try to make it a nice evening.
    Thank you, especially for this bit. I will try and keep that in mind.

    I really need to start ignoring my housemates more. I'm not used to all the girly gossip/overanalysing/back-stabbing that goes on. I don't want to let them plant that seed of doubt in my mind so I sabotage this =/

    I think I'll be OK if I can just relax beforehand.
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    (Original post by Vohamanah)
    I have an "acquaintance" who I work with. Hadn't spoke to him outside of work before, and not much in work either (that being purely work related discussions). However, we went out on a work social a couple of weeks ago and got along pretty well. We spent a lot of time drinking and talking. Then he came back to my place and we slept together. He went back to his afterwards (Understandably as he had no clothes for work the next day).

    The following day we exchanged a couple of friendly emails and a couple of days later I added him on FB. Then something happened which made me think he had been telling people at work about "that night". I asked him about it and I think in doing so upset him. He denied he'd spread anything like that around. I believe him. Cue me feeling stupid for confronting him about it in the first place. I apologised and asked him if he'd care to go out for a drink after work some time. He said he would. We're planning to go for drinks next week.

    All good so far. However, my stupid housemates have got me doubting myself again. They have basically said that what will happen is we will get drunk and have sex. Now that's not what I want. Y'know, been there and done that =/ I was hoping to test the waters and see if there might be room for anything more than sex. I was planning to go out for a few drinks with him and have a nice chat. But is it really going to be that easy? Can you really have "a nice drink" with someone you already drunkenly slept with? From a guys perspective, would he be expecting this to be just more sex? I guess I need some reassurance that this can work.
    I slept with a girl from work at my extremely drunken leaving do. It was all a bit hazy in the morning and we didn't even exchange numbers. Then she added me on facebook and a month later invited me to a party. So I slept with her again. Then I went to another party a few weeks later again, and we slept together again, and this time I stayed the weekend...

    Anyway, to cut a long story short, we're just coming up to our first anniversary, so obviously it can work. In fact this isn't even the first relationship I've had which started with an ONS. I would go as far as to say that the majority of my ONS's led to at least a brief relationship (I must be good in bed, but annoying as hell out of it I guess )
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    (Original post by py0alb)
    I slept with a girl from work at my extremely drunken leaving do. It was all a bit hazy in the morning and we didn't even exchange numbers. Then she added me on facebook and a month later invited me to a party. So I slept with her again. Then I went to another party a few weeks later again, and we slept together again, and this time I stayed the weekend...

    Anyway, to cut a long story short, we're just coming up to our first anniversary, so obviously it can work. In fact this isn't even the first relationship I've had which started with an ONS. I would go as far as to say that the majority of my ONS's led to at least a brief relationship (I must be good in bed, but annoying as hell out of it I guess )
    God you scared me then, reading the first couple of sentences I thought you were going to say you were him *blush* Relief...

    Aww that's sweet, I'm glad it worked out for you. Hopefully this can work out as well. Have spoken to him a couple of times now and we seem to be getting on like a house on fire so fingers crossed =)
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    (Original post by Vohamanah)
    God you scared me then, reading the first couple of sentences I thought you were going to say you were him *blush* Relief...

    Aww that's sweet, I'm glad it worked out for you. Hopefully this can work out as well. Have spoken to him a couple of times now and we seem to be getting on like a house on fire so fingers crossed =)
    Ha! Well you could do worse than following our little relationship plan of more sex and drinking, and then almost by accident stumbling across the fact that we actually have a lot of other stuff in common.
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    I was with a girl for three years after a ONS. She is lovely and I'm sad our relationship ended.
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    (Original post by py0alb)
    Ha! Well you could do worse than following our little relationship plan of more sex and drinking, and then almost by accident stumbling across the fact that we actually have a lot of other stuff in common.
    Haha sounds like a plan. I have already neatly arranged to go out every night this week, so I can go for drinks with him any day, but I genuinely will have "somewhere else to go" should:

    a) Things go badly and I need to make a quick escape
    b) Things go too well and I think we're going to have sex

    I really want to keep it to pure drinks atm as I'm fairly sure we have a lot in common and I don't want to set a precedent for sex every time. Perhaps partially because I secretly think I'm batting above my weight and don't want to be his "fall back booty call". Lol.
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    Yea, I had a ONS which has turned into a marriage
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    (Original post by dita_parlo)
    Yea, I had a ONS which has turned into a marriage
    Awww how sweet =D Congratulations.
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    Sounds like there's a chance for a relationship. I'd advise not getting drunk this time around, and just going for a drink to enjoy yourselves, rather than getting wasted and having a drunken fumble. If it turns out you're both on the same page, great. If not, at least you'll have tried.
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    (Original post by Vohamanah)
    Haha sounds like a plan. I have already neatly arranged to go out every night this week, so I can go for drinks with him any day, but I genuinely will have "somewhere else to go" should:

    a) Things go badly and I need to make a quick escape
    b) Things go too well and I think we're going to have sex

    I really want to keep it to pure drinks atm as I'm fairly sure we have a lot in common and I don't want to set a precedent for sex every time. Perhaps partially because I secretly think I'm batting above my weight and don't want to be his "fall back booty call". Lol.

    I'm not sure whether you were asking for advise, but I'm goingto give it anyway
    Be careful with your plan, whilst it sounds sensible, you don't want to give him the idea you're not actually interested, else he will get the wrong idea and talk himself out of you to protect himself. If b) is an option, I would recommend you just go for it: the only reason girls become "fall back booty calls" are when they're willing to sleep with the guy but are not very good at it, and judging by your comment in the other thread :ninja: , he will probably feel like he's won the lottery. You don't sound like a "fall back" option.
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    (Original post by py0alb)
    I'm not sure whether you were asking for advise, but I'm goingto give it anyway
    Be careful with your plan, whilst it sounds sensible, you don't want to give him the idea you're not actually interested, else he will get the wrong idea and talk himself out of you to protect himself. If b) is an option, I would recommend you just go for it: the only reason girls become "fall back booty calls" are when they're willing to sleep with the guy but are not very good at it, and judging by your comment in the other thread :ninja: , he will probably feel like he's won the lottery. You don't sound like a "fall back" option.
    Haha well I don't think I'm bad in bed, or particularly unattractive. I'm just concerned that I'll be his "pretty" girl to call on if he can't pull a stunner. Maybe its just lack of self-confidence. That is definitely something I need to work on. Thanks for your advice and I will definitely bear that in mind.
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    3 ONS with the same person = a relationship anyway. FACT!
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    (Original post by dita_parlo)
    Yea, I had a ONS which has turned into a marriage
    Same here dita_parlo. I think most relationships start as a ons. I'm sure I thought different when I was a teenager. Today I can't understand how people can even consider themselves in a relationship before knowing that they are sexually compatable.
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    (Original post by Vohamanah)
    Haha well I don't think I'm bad in bed, or particularly unattractive. I'm just concerned that I'll be his "pretty" girl to call on if he can't pull a stunner. Maybe its just lack of self-confidence. That is definitely something I need to work on. Thanks for your advice and I will definitely bear that in mind.
    As a guy, and having been in this situation with girls countless times before, I honestly think you should just go in all guns blazing. As I'm sure you're aware, it's impossible to go straight into a "serious relationship" from scratch; all couples go through a light hearted "just having some (exclusive) fun and seeing where things go" period to start with, and then if that goes well, something good develops. Right now you need to focus on getting into that "having fun" period. The basic key is to be more fun than any other girls he may be interested in. Giving him ridiculously filthy hot sex isn't the only way you can be fun, but it can sure gives you a big head start over any opposition.
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    (Original post by jonski)
    3 ONS with the same person = a relationship anyway. FACT!
    Actually, I think its more a case of 3 ONS = time to have the "so.. are we dating?" chat. It doesn't just happen by magic.
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    (Original post by *Lollo*)
    Agree on this. But it may also seem a bit depressing for girls, as if you are "competing" with a bunch of other girls and need to go extra far in bed in a hope that he may choose you. Girls are too focused about what guys want, are looking for, how they can "trick" him into commitment. I think it's important to date other guys as long as he's dating other girls, just to not get too hung up on him. If you keep having sex, there are two ways it may go; the "so where's this going?" or the silently, mutually agreed "I guess we're f***-buddies". Now the op needs to make sure she doesn't accidentally end up in the second category, at least not if she wants him, but that's all he's offering her.
    I have a couple of comments that I would be interested in hearing your, or anyone elses, views on.

    Firstly, I don't think girls should ever need to "trick" guys into anything. If they just play it straight up and don't mess around playing "hard to get" or whatever, then they will simply get to know each other, and the guy will either decide he likes them or he won't, and she will either decide she likes him or she won't. Either way everyone is being honest and giving it a fair shot.

    Secondly, if a couple have an ONS, then its an ONS and there are no strings attached. If they have sex again however, then there is clearly something going on - if I was the guy then that would be the point when I politely withdrew from my other engagements. If a guy doesn't do this, then he's an ass and is not worth dating. You can't sleep with two girls at once.

    Finally, the great quandary of the f-buddy. So many girls seem to think that the route to becoming an f-buddy rather than a girlfriend is dependant upon things like not being pretty enough, or being too willing to put out. Thats simply not the case. If you weren't pretty enough he wouldn't keep sleeping with you, and if you weren't putting out he would simply think you weren't interested and move on. The reason that certain girls get stuck as f-buddys is nothing to do with looks or willingness to have sex, and everything to do with personality. Being an f-buddy basically means that you are hot enough and good enough in bed for him to want to keep sleeping with you, but you have such poor social and personal skills that he doesn't want to spend time with you and introduce you to his friends because you're incredibly boring and keep banging on about the sodding X-factor.
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    (Original post by *Lollo*)
    This is interesting to hear from a guy's point of view!
    First point - agree. I don't believe in tricking a guy into anything, even if a girl may succeed, it will not last. Those who hold back sex and tells him he needs to commit to get it will likely lose him over time, or keep him just because he's desperate and won't get it anywhere else.
    Secondly - I've had several ons before. It has been the case that we both never saw each other again, mutually agreed upon. It has been the case that he wanted to see me again and I didn't (I admit to have been a bit of a ***** when doing that, but at least I know what it's like to be a guy, wake up, and don't want to see him there for breakfast). And - I have been in the situation that he wants to see me again, I want to see him again, and we have. This situation developed into some kind of f-buddys - except we live far apart. He was active contacting me and when the occasion fit, I saw him again. We've always had an amazing time and he expressed that. However, I admit to have been playing a bit too hard to get, but this was not so much stragety as I realized I started to have feelings and pulled away trying to stop them. Now we have obviously seen other people during this time (the time span is long), and even though I don't feel good about him seeing other girls, I really cannot say anything as I've met other guys too. I've sometimes had a feeling he's jealous. When I realized he met up with a woman some time back (at a time I wanted to see him), I wanted to kill myself. He tried to cover it up not to hurt me, but I understood, and in a way i can understand, as she's in the country rarely and traveling from far away, it's a difficult "date" to break up. It's probably also been made at a time we weren't speaking. So as you can tell, this was and is a mess. He's asked me to meet up and hang and do non-sexual stuff before, he can be very cuddly and he says he likes me. I am not doubting myself in terms of attractiveness, but I'm really feeling your point here - we do not know each other. I've realized over time I've been playing too hard to get, I just realized a little too late.
    So do you want to get together with him properly?

    Long distance is a bit of a *****, because it means you have to make a lot of effort for something of an unknown reward (ie. is this going to lead to something good or not?). The dynamics are always different over distance. I guess you just have to text a lot and that kind of thing.
 
 
 
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